A Question of Etiquette

[Diesel]

Figured I'd throw this out and see if anyone knew the definitive answer.

We're not sure how to handle this etiquette issue with regards to our wedding invitations.
One of our guests is divorced, but engaged to a new fiance. She is currently using her married surname (Smith). She will presumably be taking the name of her fiance (Jones) once they are married.

So, do we send the invitation to Mrs. Smith, or Ms. Smith?

Some etiquette sites say that for a divorced woman keeping her married name, it's usually Mrs., but Ms. might be acceptable, but says nothing about if she's engaged to be remarried to a new husband.

If for nothing else than an interesting debate, what's your take? Mrs. or Ms. for a divorced woman keeping her married name, but engaged to a new man?

 

[spidergoolash]

Ms. would be better, imo.

 

[monsieurjohn]

Ms. is safe in every situation, right? It carries no connotation with regard to marital status. That's what I use whenever it's someone I don't know.

 

[Guest]

I believe Ms. You can also do a search on "The Knot" -maybe there is an article on this type of thing

 

[rosebud]

Ms. would be the proper way to write that.

 

[Panache]

I would go with Ms.

 

[mthrlangl]

I'm in the Ms. boat, too. As MJ said, I'm fairly sure it's the standard if you're unsure which term to use but still want to be polite.

 

[Prox]

Aparently Ms. is it. Now I have to ask the general question that always bugs me. What is with the whole etiquette thing anyway. Why bother with all the formality of a Mr. or Mrs etc. I mean no one goes by that anyway. When I get a letter addressed to Mr. Prox the Probe Man I think, I have never gone with a Mr. in my life before, and I don't plan to ever go with one in the future. There are so many things that people stress out over when planning a big event such as a wedding, that imho are really not that imporatant in the big scheme of things. Sorry if that was incoherent, but its late.

 

[mthrlangl]

Prox, I think a lot of it might be a generational or regional thing. In Dan's case, it probably also has to do with the formality of the event. Like, if he were having a big, drunk New Year's Eve party, I highly doubt he'd send out engraved invitations to Mrs. I Have a Hideously Long Hyphenated Last Name.

 

[monsieurjohn]

I use it a lot because I work with military and civilian people alike, so if I'm addressing something to Captain so-and-so and also a civilian lady, I'd have to use Ms. so it has some level of equivalence.

 

[meezercat]

When in doubt, use Ms.

 

[danceswithfish]

as Jerry would say, "HEY LADY!"
If a woman is not married and is quite young, "Miss" would be appropriate (looking for brownie points?) However, if she is of drinking age...I'd go with "Ms."

 

[Guest]

Absolutely go with "Ms.". It's the safest choice. Oh - happy engagement!!