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Riven

Riven

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Okay, here's the thing. I have a bf. He's far from perfect but then again no one is so...
He works during the night, i am awake during the day
I see him 2h a week, and that would be fine if we both worked to make the relationship work. but we dont. he doesnt make any effort to be with me.
i am lonely every sunday afternoon because he's sleeping ultil 4pm. now , i could say : ah this is just the way he is. Except it's not. He made a mistake by telling me that he travelled 200km on weekends just to see his gf at the time and after that, he surprised this girl which awkwardly i know. So he's commited when he wants to. He's just not commited to me or this relationship
He stops answering me whenever he ****ing wants to and then, he thinks it's no big deal.
I already tried to explain him that i was not happy with this and that we used to see each other more often when we werent bf/gf yet than now that we are.

This has been going on for a month and a half and i feel that, although i could bare some more of this, i dont think i will. I have been down this past year. Everyone around me was so happy and my exes, they all got gf now, except for me. ANd i thought this relationship was my way out of this unhappiness. Apparently not.

I am going to break up with him. i'm gonna have a serious conversation and then break up.

The real thing is , and no one knows this, I need to have a bf. I just now told everyone and even put it on facebook. Too many questions will be raised and me puting my relationship on facebook was kind of a mark, a way of saying: i can be happy too. the problem is not me.

But now, it looks like it is.

And please dont come to me with some BS like: oh it's not you, he's the one who's a jerk or wtv. He might be a jerk but there has to be a reason on why i can't keep anyone beside me.
 
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Ahhhhh Rita. Yes, the problem is with you, but not in the way that you think...

You choose the wrong people to become partners with.


I know what you're like and I can tell you right now, you're a good person and a good friend. I've always wanted you to be happy and it's been difficult seeing you struggle with men in your life, and I often felt useless in the past because I had no experience and couldn't help you with your troubles. You've got so much going for you and it's a shame that other people, particularly these men you want to date, don't see that.

I have no idea why this guy is like that, save that he's a jerk (;)), but you're doing the right thing by ending it and moving on. You deserve someone in your like who pays attention to you and wants to spend quality time with you.
 
[MENTION=41]Ringo[/MENTION] i dont know really... I have no idea what i had in mind when i wrote this. i dont really write about my life but i am so desesperate and divided.

my hearts says: no, dont do it. you need to have a bf. he's an **** but whenever you're together isnt that time like perfect?
my logical self says: do it. its better to end now and suffer less than to keep this . this is not your ideal bf. you know that. everyone knows that. you'll break down again if you keep this going

i just wanted to hear some opinions... does anyone support my heart??


[MENTION=1]Kirk[/MENTION], FYYYYY. xD ahahah
there's really nothing you can do, mate
 
the only annoying thing is that it was him who wanted to start dating. it was his idea.
WHY bother if he does this afterwards?

oh snap.

someone will be taylor swifting me soon
 
I couldnt. I told him i've been thinking about it and that i decided to do up until i met with him. i started to explain what i felt but since i am not good with words, it was rather a confusion.
and it was frustrating because there was no reaction in him. he wasnt happy nor sad.
argh!
 
There is no more tiring thing than working on a relationship where the other party does not retribute the effort. Needless to say, that does not work, and is bound to fail miserably; because a relationship is something that has to be constructed upon a strong ground, little by little. If he does not seek your company, well; that does say a lot. I don't know about his wallet (let's say, transports are not the cheapest in our country at the moment), but you make it sound as if he does not even try to fix that.
It's not that he's a jerk, mind you; it might just be that he fell out of love. It is possible, and it does not make him a jerk.

But nor does it make YOU one. You are not any less worth of love because of this.
Like Kirk said - and he surely seems to know what he's talking about -, it might be that it is the people you encounter that are not always the most... fit for relationships?
Either if that is true or not, you have to keep that head up high. Because deep down, the very person you need is yourself. You need confidence, and I do not see it when I read you right now. Before any relationships, you need to be true to yourself and know that YES, you deserve to be loved, you deserve attention and care, you deserve a partner, you deserve happiness. This might all sound very cheesy, but it is the reality of life: you need to know where you stand with your inner self before considering relationships with another half. I have made the mistake of losing myself in my first relationship, and even though I fell from very high with the breakup (even though the relationship wasn't healthy, mind you), I feel I have grown much, much more. I do not regret it because I would not have learnt the things I know now. Which is only natural, you hear old people say this all the time about their life in general! :P But yeah... you know what? Now, my confidence is boosted more than ever.

The fact that he is not making any effort about the relationship he's still in is incorrect, but that is not your problem anymore if you are considering the breakup - which, honestly, I very much encourage. It might be stressing and hard, but it will be a relief after it is done.
Keep us updated dear, and you can rant away with us. Taylor Swift away, huhu! ;3
 
[MENTION=109]Night[/MENTION] I've been single for almost 3 years... I hated it
It made me feel very sad and very lonely
 
Perhaps whilst you're single you need to figure out ways that you can get out and meet new people? Keep socialising and don't give yourself time to miss being in a relationship. It's not really very nice being single, I like feeling part of a half, but I think what you need is to push past that because its better to have periods of being single to find the right one instead of staying in a relationship with the wrong person who won't make you happy.
 
I know a lot of people already. I do. the problem is that i cant fall in love with those who already love me.
and i can't socialize much because my mom won't let me.
the problem with being single is that while i went out wieh friends to hang out somehwere, i always saw some couple and i would think: why cant i have that?
now that i have a bf, i still go out with my friends and i ask myself: why cant i have that and why isnt my bf here?
 
Well you need more new people :P

Your mother won't let you? Oh don't listen to her, how old are you? You're a grown woman and have every right to do whatever the heck you want. Tell her you want to get out there and socialise and you feel it's important.
I think the desire to have that relationship is overshadowing your life in an unhealthy way and that instead of relationships, why don't you work on developing your friendships? Your need for relationships is just adding to the strain and pressure and I think that you just need to find some other form of companionship for now. Involve yourself in something fun that keeps you busy. Have a film night with friends or something.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem like he's very supportive or even enthusiastic. I just think you need someone who caters better to your personal needs in a relationship. It's normal to feel insecure about being single, but you're still young and you just need to keep moving forward. You'll find the right one eventually Rita, the wait is just longer than you want it to be :(
 
Lauren said:
It's not really very nice being single, I like feeling part of a half, but I think what you need is to push past that because its better to have periods of being single to find the right one instead of staying in a relationship with the wrong person who won't make you happy.
Click to expand...

This precisely.

A relationship isn't healthy if you require it to function anyway. Gotta be able to stand on your own two feet, as much as it sucks.

If you're in a relationship simply because it allows you not to be single, and you're trying to emotionally invest yourself in it, it probably won't end well. :/
 
[MENTION=2]Lauren[/MENTION] has stated some really interesting points.
Not only that, but being unhappy while single is alarming really. It is very important to be okay with yourself BEFORE getting into a relationship. Because then, your identity becomes that relationship; and if that relationship breaks, you end up totally shattered and lost, because you can't live with only yourself.
It is very important to be self-sufficient before finding someone, in my opinion. (:
 
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