Bullying at School

[Dreek Lass]

As a child, I was never bullied. In fact I was pretty popular, one of the main characters so to speak lol. But I still had my fair share of encountering people who were less than my cup of tea. I also got into a few fights too. My mother used to tell me that if anybody hit me at school - or anywhere, to be exact, that I was to hit them back. Screw going to the teacher, just make sure that I pummeled the kid back lol. (She is not as barbaric as I am making her sound hahaha)

I was also very strong as a child too, stronger than all of the boys. A lot of them knew I would beat their asses if push came to shove lmao! I always wondered why my mother told me not to bother telling the teachers, but a few times I saw incidents happen where a kid was being bullied, and they would tell the teacher, but the teacher - just wanting to get through the lesson as easily as possible - would brush the child off, or even yell at the victim in some cases. I understood why my mother had told me to destroy any child that had put their hands on me.

Do you think that this is the wrong way to tell children to react to being attacked or not?

 

[lauren]

I personally wouldn't advise my younger brother to hit someone back, like my dad does, because I know that it'd get him into a brawl and he'd end up with broken bones. I'd never encourage him to fight because I'd worry about him fighting with a kid who could beat him up badly.

When I was younger, I'd hit back. When I say younger I mean around the 9-11 range as any younger than that I was too scared and as I got older I changed my approach to bullies a little bit. I am personally against fighting. You know when kids hype about Student A and Student B having a fight later on? and everyone is talking about going to watch? I see that as completely pathetic and barbaric and how dare anyone think it's "cool" to purposely hurt another person.
Trust me, I am all for self defense and if I got into a fight with no way out, I'd beat their asses to hell. However, I am extremely avoidant towards conflict and if I ever got into arguments and I was invited with a "fight me" I'd laugh in their pathetic faces and tell them that I have no doubt they could probably beat me to a pulp, I never tried to act harder than them. What would that accomplish though? I'd make it clear that I wasn't going to fight and that if they started then they'd have to just beat my lifeless corpse because no way in hell was I going to behave like a street brawler gangster without a brain cell. So what, they'd be known as the kid who beat someone up in a one sided fight, cool right?
I much preferred winning arguments in intellectual ways. Hey, I never said I was against beating your bully, but psychically I don't really think that should be a choice. I made them feel like crap for making me feel that way. I was usually left alone...I am about to brag, but my come backs were considered fairly chortle-worthy and it was not desired to get into a verbal battle with me.
Nowadays though I'm much less ferocious that way and I take a more authoritative approach. Due to me being a sixth former, kids naturally listen to me so I tell someone to stop hitting another kid and they stop it. Don't know why, but they listen to all the sixth formers as if an extra year at school has transformed us into adults/teachers.

Anywho, I will never condone hitting a bully back.

 

[Night]

My parents always told me never to start fights, but if I was attacked to always finish 'em.

I'm not a fan of using violence to solve things, but if it's in self-defense (or defense of someone who's being picked on), whoop their ****.

 

[James]

my school would punish those who hit back in self-defense more than those who hit first or harassed them for years beforehand
self defense = 3 weeks suspension and possible expulsion, attacker = 1 week ISS
which is just complete bullshit and ****ed up all around
i feel it's pretty okay if someone fights back?? you can sustain serious injury, both mental and physical, if you just lie there and take it.
though there are definitely situations where not fighting back is the entirely best idea
but fighting back and getting punished MORE THAN the very person who spent most of your life harassing you? hahahahahaha no that's ridiculous and ****ty

 

[eco]

Thankfully, I've never been physically bullied. I guess, looking back, I may have been verbally bullied, which is much easier to deal with. Just shrug it or laugh it off. Bullies enjoy seeing their victim's reaction, and if you have no reaction, they'll stop bullying you. I would never advise hitting a bully back, because that could just get you in trouble. Yes, you acted in self-defense, but some people just don't understand that and it could be grounds for suspension.

I remember reading something about the best course of action if your child is being bullied. Here's a link if anyone is interested: http://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/1duaoo/im_about_to_frame_a_kid_for_drug_possession/c9u8amy?context=10

Warning: it's quite long, but definitely worth reading.

 

[Alexxa]

School is a different situation when one had to board there, and not go home at the end of the day. Fortunately I was never bullied because the other girls knew I was very fit and could take care of myself. Mum says school is different these days because hitting back can lead us into deeper trouble than in her day. But I recommend taking up a Martial Art such as Taekwondo, because it is a passive art of self-defence because when attacked you can deflect a punch, dodge and "throw" an aggressor away rather than punching their lights out. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like to hit back. But because of knowing self defence in being professionally taught, it pays to remain passive.

Dreek Lass, you shouldn't shy away from reporting bullies and manipulators. In fact, it takes courage to complain. But to be most effective in this is to put your complaint in writing and if your letter is ignored, send it to your school governors, politely requesting a response. Make sure you keep a copy of that sent.

 

[pafjlh]

I don't think retaliation of any kind is a good idea. I know this from personal experience. I was bullied for most of my school years, because I was considered an easy target by most. The times where I tried to stand my ground, it only made things far worse then they already were. I also know about the situation of trying to tell a teacher, I have had this happen to me as well. Here I was the victim and I was made to feel like I was the one in the wrong. I do know that school's are now trying to crack down on the bullying problem. But unfortunately some are doing a better job then others, and this is a problem that is still out of control for the most part.

 

[Rawiyah]

Personally, I wouldn't recommend telling someone to not tell the teacher and just hit the kid back.
I totally believe in self defense, but not getting even. No.

Some teachers don't give a **** about their students, and therefore don't do anything when they see that their students are being bullied. That's why I was taught to go to a teacher I trusted instead of just any teacher. Because, it's a sad fact, but not all teachers actually care about their students.

I think parents should get more involved too, instead of leaving their children to figure it out themselves. If their child is getting bullied, instead of saying "Oh, hit them back" I would say, "I'm going to talk to the principal. If that doesn't work, I'll talk to the board of directors." Or something like that that's more effective.

 

[Pato]

The kids who get bullied are usually (not always) a bit strange in some way. It's hard on them at the time, and sometimes over the top, but mild bullying should be an enlightening experience for them when they look back on it. Kids should be allowed to fight back too. If they give the bully a hit and put some manners on them, they shouldn't be punished. If they can't do that, then just report it.

 

[Night]

I would never advise hitting a bully back, because that could just get you in trouble. Yes, you acted in self-defense, but some people just don't understand that and it could be grounds for suspension.

Which is something that needs to be changed, in my eyes. Zero-tolerance policies have good intentions from what I see, but they're very poorly executed.

 

[Dreek Lass]

Which is something that needs to be changed, in my eyes. Zero-tolerance policies have good intentions from what I see, but they're very poorly executed.

I definitely agree with this point right here. It is silly. Also, there are certain schools where if a bully hits a child and that child hit them back? That child that was initially a victim of the situation often gets into more trouble than the person that actually started it, when if the person that started it hadn't started it, then there would have been no having to hit anyone back or self defense in the first place.

I personally could not fathom not telling my child, not that I have any or want any, to hit someone back if they hit them. You have to defend and stick up for yourself. They start the fight and you finish it. It's gotta be that way. Teachers do not give a stuff. I have seen this multiple times.

 

[Alexandra]

As somebody who used to get bullied, I know for a fact that bullies are only looking for attention
the best thing to do is to do nothing. No hitting, no retaliating, nothing. If somebody shouts abuse, you ignore it and the person gets embarrassed, which is good enough revenge for me~
As soon as I started ignoring it, or joining in as banter, everything got better. No teachers, no fighting, nothing. Now the people who bullied me actually respect me because they've realised that they can't do **** with me lmfao

 

[Phossix]

I had a huge bullying issue. The brunt of it was from some guy in my year called Jamie, who seemed to love picking on me. I had my first run in with him when I was in my first year of Secondary School, and my Guidance Teacher made me go to a weekly activity session with a few other students who had trouble socializing. This had been after my best friends from Primary School ditched me so I didn't really have anyone to talk with at intervals and lunch. That, along with my shyness, lead her to believe I had some sort of problem. I can safely say that aside from my shyness, I left school with lots of friends, and I didn't actually have trouble making friends. That was my first issue with my school - they meant well, but they dubbed me something I was not, and offered me help I feel I did not really need. In fact, it made me feel really broken.

While on a trip, I saw this guy, and I decided to try and make new friends - it was why I was there, after all. So I went up to this boy, and offered him my hand, and told him my name. At this point, he merely repeated my name in a sing-song, mocking voice, and pushed past me and walked away. So, I was kind of taken aback, but I decided not to let it bother me.

During the trips, I befriended another boy who had some sort of disability. I never actually asked, because I thought it might have been rude. But he was actually a really nice guy, who I'd sit and talk with. One day though, Jamie came up to us, and started calling him names like "Spaz" and "Retard", to which I got really mad, and told him to leave him alone. At that point, Jamie just said my name in a sing-song voice again, and left. Later on in the trip, while trying to climb over something, the teacher took my bag and handed it to him on the other side, and asked him to hold it as I climbed over. When I got over, I found it abandoned in a puddle of mud.

For so long, I convinced myself that perhaps there was a reason behind his actions. He had trouble making friends after all. Jamie hung about with the bad crew, a bunch of people who picked fights, would ditch classes, smoke, and drink. He didn't seem to have a lack of friends at all. In fact, I began to realise he was a manipulative shrew who constantly lied. One instance of this was when I had a mutual friend up at my house, Jamie messaged him, insisting that I was bullying him, and that he shouldn't hang out with me. I felt so angry.

On and on, the guy would pick on me, throwing things at me, and shoving me into things. Eventually, I left the group because of it. I told my parents that a guy there was picking on me, and I didn't feel the group was benefiting me. It was merely making me feel worse. So my parents told the school I was no longer willing to attend the Social Group. However, this did not stop Jamie, who continued to call me names, and continue to shove me. Eventually, this grew too much - after asking my parents for advice, I told my Guidance Teacher. Eventually, she called me back up, and I felt that I'd be able to have peace of mine. That was the second time I realised the school were useless. Jamie was not reprimanded for his behaviour. I was. Jamie was made to be the victim, and that I was the one who was bullying him. I left the office feeling so upset, only to meet Jamie and his cronies in the French corridor, where they started chanting "Michael is a grass!".

The bullying continued for two years. In that time, I'd made a lot of friends, but Jamie still hounded me. It was towards the end of the year that I experienced perhaps the worst week of my life. I had to give my dog away, and I had lost my Great Grandmother. I'd had braces recently put in, and was punched in the face at a Metallica gig the night before (Ouch). That day, I'd been forced to sit a test with the year above me, because I was the same age as them. Those guys made fun of me for being a third year, and other things, to the point where I refused to go back for the second half of the test. I merely went to my next class, and felt really angry. After the bell rang to end the period, I went down the stairwells, only for Jamie to start mocking me. So I turned around, shoved him against the wall, yelled at him, and proceeded to beat him up.

This is a thing that's bothered me for the last few years. I believe my actions were wrong, and I wish I hadn't done it. But, it was very evident to me that I couldn't rely on my school to solve the problem. I sought their help, and it only made things worse.

I'm not trying to say you should take matters into your own hands. I hope that if you do get bullied, you can turn to your school for help. All I'm saying is I acted, and while I regret my actions, it stopped the bullying.