how do you get over a crush???

[Junipi]

I've had a crush on a friend of mine for almost a year now. He knows. See what happened is he started dating someone and I didn't know and right after I admitted I like him. It's been four months since then I do believe. I want to know how to get over my crush, to stop liking him more than a friend. What do I do? Kinda stuck and I hate that feeling being there when I talk to him. It's just a sick reminder of how stupid I was to be afraid to tell him how I felt. (Especially since he told me he liked me too. But of course also liked the other girl yeah)

 

[lauren]

I think what's awkward about this is that he admitted he liked you. It makes it really hard to get over it because he's said that knowing you like him however he's already going out with someone else? That seems weird to me. It's perfectly plausible that he could be mixed up and be unsure of his feelings between the both of you but he's still going out with her so I think you need to cut off the feelings as soon as possible.
Don't be a buffer for him. As far as he knows, when he gets tired of this girl then he might decide he wants you to fill the gaps if he knows you like each other.
You shouldn't be the second choice.

Unfortunately there's no quick way to get over someone and you just have to let it take its course. Focus on the bad things first;
* Anything about his appearance you don't like?
* As much as the thought might hurt, he picked to say with that other girl.
* Anything he's said or done that's crappy?

I think that the person you really belong with wouldn't leave you hanging this way. He's being a bit of an arse in that sense and you should let that help you move on.
Whenever you stop thinking about him stop yourself. Think about the negative things about him and why you're better off.
You can explore the other better fish in the sea until you find someone who'll pick you first.
good luck!

 

[Gannet]

What Lauren said is very true. Getting over a crush can be so painful. My oldest girl had a big crush on someone in her college. I found her crying on her bed, sat her on my lap, and comforted her. Years ago I went through exactly the same. Broken hearting is a teenage rite of passage I'm afraid.

 

[Ringo]

The same thing happened tome and I ended up dating him after the girl
lmao

 

[Riven]

Well, a crush won't just go away like that.
If you are anything like me, it will only go away when you actually "have him".
regardless, i think the best way to "get over" him is to meet new people and actually stay a little bit away from him.

When he asks you why did you back away from him, you'll just say " i am trying to get over you". you'll see his reaction. Maybe he does feel something for you too and the same will happen as it did with Ringo. You don't know. But my advice is back off a little bit. The crush won't go away per se but it will eventually go numb

 

[Ringo]

Well, a crush won't just go away like that.
If you are anything like me, it will only go away when you actually "have him".
regardless, i think the best way to "get over" him is to meet new people and actually stay a little bit away from him.

When he asks you why did you back away from him, you'll just say " i am trying to get over you". you'll see his reaction. Maybe he does feel something for you too and the same will happen as it did with Ringo. You don't know. But my advice is back off a little bit. The crush won't go away per se but it will eventually go numb

Yeah, I agree. I didn't back off of mine but I did start to crush on o th er boys, and I guess it kinda drove him insane even though I actually loved him (had been best friends for years - was hard to not). Been with him almost a year now. Just do what your gut tells you. Nothing bad should come of it.

 

[Intermission]

This has happened to me, I didn't get over it so easily but at least its a crush, you don't love him do you? Its worse if you do love him. Anyway, him going with another girl and saying he likes you, means he has unsure feelings for both of you. But since he's with another girl, you don't want to stick around waiting for him, you need to try and stay friends, but keep a distance aswell, that's what I did with my guy friend. After a while I stopped liking him and eventually we became close again. It isn't easy, but it isn't hard.

 

[James]

ugh. getting over crushes is just... hellish. especially if you end up in love with them and you just sit there like 'goddammit why me'
i have been in a very similar position many, many times before lmao (sometimes it feels like i get a new little crush every week); even though i'm in a relationship)
i think the 'getting over' process is different for everyone. i know a couple people who just need a good cry and they're totally fine lmao
for me, though, i had to sit back and realise that if they didn't like me like that, then so be it. it doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with me, it doesn't mean i'm not good enough, it means i'm just not the right sort of person to date for them. i can't change their mind, and quite frankly it's a little ****ed if i try. they're human beings who know what they want and what's best for themselves, and if they don't like the idea of dating me, that's totally fine i want what's good for them, what makes them happy. i am perfectly capable of knowing that and acknowledging it, and i can totally move on from the prospect of being with them. friendship, quite frankly, is a beautiful thing and i am absolutely chill with it staying that way.
i had to basically drill that sort of thing into me for years after i realised i had fallen in love with my best friend. we're still very close and even if sometimes i still feel the pangs of 'oh gee it would be nice to date her', i just remember that she's so, so happy the way she is. and the guy she's dating right now is absolutely amazing, i honestly couldn't have chosen it better myself and then it hits me that I'M happy. i'm happy that she's happy and that i can totally survive without being in a relationship with her.
sometimes you just have to realise you don't know what's best for other people.

 

[Alan D]

I'm going to state outright that I have not bothered to read any of the other replies in this topic, and I'm going to be touching attraction as a whole.

In order to get over a crush, you must first understand what a crush is, and once you have, you'll likely be incapable of ever suffering from a crush ever again. Before I continue with what I'm about to say, I'm going to give you my favourite quote from a movie close to my heart, Cashback.

"Crush; it's funny how the same word for the feeling of attraction can be used for the feeling of disappointment. The oxford english dictionary states one of the meanings of the word crush as 'a strong but unreasoning transitory attachment'."

Based on personal experience, the problem and nature of a crush is that you've got an idea of someone in your head and an idea of them in a relationship with you. You've created some sort of imaginary scenario between you two and by the nature of imagination itself and infatuation, you've put them up onto a pedestal. If you put someone on a pedestal, all they can do is look down on you. You have set some sort of unreasonable expectation for them in your head and your heart whether or not you're consciously realized it.

As you have built up this image of the person in your head, the grandeur of the crush itself is likely going to impede your ability to think or act like you usually would. It's like when you run into a famous figure you might have idolized in some way. You're incredibly nervous. You're worried about offending them or scaring them off. You don't act like yourself and due to this fact you cannot attract them in turn - You might have effectively lobotomized your own personality underneath the ridiculous weight of this crush that sticks inside your head and makes your heart beat faster than it should.

Usually a crush arises with somebody new, because they're interesting and enigmatic. The less you know somebody, the more likely you'll develop a crush on them, because you're going to start filling in the blanks about their past and personality. This is a self-perpetuating issue because you've become attached to the idea of someone in a particular light and now you're going the extra mile; you're not just imagining yourself dating them, you're imagining how they live their lives - And since you're already holding them up to such a high standard, whatever you think they do is only going to cause you to alienate yourself from them further.

Say you meet someone incredibly skilled and charismatic. They intimidate you, you get a crush on them. You find it hard enough to talk to them begin with. Then as you're idly thinking about them to yourself, you imagine them producing some beautiful creative pieces and engaging audiences in ways you don't think you can, further creating a divide between you and them while simultaneously becoming more attached. This is why a crush tends to be self-sabotaging and a word used for disappointment. I have pondered if by calling someone a crush you make yourself start saying or doing stupid things, or if your mind is subconsciously screaming at you not to act like an idiot by labeling your infatuation as a crush.

The solution? Find more people to be attracted to.

It sounds ridiculous but in retrospect the only time I had ever had a crush in my life is for lack of better options. And once I realized this, I observed it to be true in other people. The reason you get so caught up and crushed on one particular person is probably because that one person is the only shining beacon of interest in your life. If you are constantly meeting new people you're preoccupying your attention with new thoughts, feelings and experiences, and are less prone to fall for one person due to what effectively measures up as sheer desperation.