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LokiLaufeyson

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Bleh, I don't know how censored this forum is, so if anything needs to go, edit at your will. Shrug.

Well, I've been battling self-harm for five years. It started off as "scraping" my arms with the metal part of a pencil. Yknow, the part that holds the eraser. I chewed the end to a point and scraped it across my arms. My friend got me into that because it was a high for her. I eventually moved to burning myself by heating up the end of a knife and pressing it against my hands or heating up a lighter. I kept doing that and picked up on making a point with the end of the lead on a mechanical pencil and using it to scratch up my skin. I would beat myself with a drumstick or my hands. Soon enough I took a blade from a pencil sharpener and cut open my skin. That was a lot more effective. I sought therapy but, they told my mum, so I made it seem like I recovered from cutting. My mum and I have a poor relationship, and long story short, I very much dislike her. I don't trust her at all. Anywho, I would "tear" up my legs with the blade, leaving many slashes and a lot of blood. I have a deep scar on my upper leg from cutting a bit too deep. I never had to seek medical attention. My counselor figured she helped me stop cutting and everything was peachy keen. Wrong. I cut daily, now, and sometimes even more than that. It is the only release I can find. Coping skills haven't worked. I freak out if I can't cut. Hardly any of my friends care, and people think I am seeking attention, now. My mum knows, she doesn't care. I guess why I am writing this is because my friend Matt saw my healing cuts on my arm and told me to stop cutting, then proceeded to hit me in the back of the head with a flashlight. Mind you, they are the ones we use at work, traffic director ones. He doesn't care that I cut. I told him it was nothing new, and he just said "k". Too many people know. I don't know what to do. I need help. I need actual suppport. I'm eighteen. I'm so lost and scared and alone...
 
Therapy is probably a good idea; you're eighteen, you're old enough to seek that kind of aid without having to deal with your parents being informed and whatnot.

I can't really offer much advice, because I don't know why you self-harm. Attention-seeking, depression, deep-seeded mental issues, any one of these could be the cause. The fact you go crazy if you cannot self-harm shows in itself, you are too far gone for simple words on a screen to help. You do need physical, real help, and if you don't seek it soon, you may well end up cutting too deep and killing yourself. It's morbid, but there you go. There are two paths when self-harm is concerned. One path gets you out alive. One path gets you on a mortician's slab.

It's up to you to pick which path you truly wish to travel.
 
I must say, it's very good that you do recognize you NEED help. Because only you can save yourself really. Most people will reject it and avoid it, for fear of being accused of attention-seeker and other things.
Like Rebecca said, you do need professional help. But I don't know if you can afford that without the help of your parents?
 
Yes, professional help is the best idea for you. Please get some ASAP.
 
Therapists haven't really helped me much. Idk. I have insurance, so I don't need my mum. I kinda strayed from the reasons due to the many other sites (like two) I've said this to, thinking I'm seeking attention.

PTSD, Gender Identity Disorder, Eating Disorder, Discrimination at work, unsupportive grandparents.
 
A professional will be able to offer a lot more help than we will be able to, they have been through years of education for that specific job. You need to try and remember that while being online, people are generally anonymous - you could be speaking to anyone. While this is usually put forward for creating relationships, it also effects people's behaviour and how they will treat you because they can be mean, they can be rude, and they can do it while remaining unknown.

I suggest having a serious think about what Rebecca Chambers has said, it's very true and pretty important. Although the help we may be offering may not be what you want to hear, try not to turn it down in a heartbeat - there's a reason we're suggesting the same thing. Of course, that is your choice and your route to follow.
 
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Therapists haven't really helped me much. Idk. I have insurance, so I don't need my mum. I kinda strayed from the reasons due to the many other sites (like two) I've said this to, thinking I'm seeking attention.

PTSD, Gender Identity Disorder, Eating Disorder, Discrimination at work, unsupportive grandparents.

The first two definitely require professional aid from a psychologist or behavioural therapist. The third requires both psychiatric help as well as help from your doctor. The other two I can't offer much help for beyond a rather harsh "deal with it". Discrimination, either talk to your superior or get a new job. Grandparents, you can't do anything about. The elderly are often very set in their ways, and things they don't truly understand such as sexuality or gender disorders are pointless to deal with around them.

Regarding therapy, I have also not had the best experience with it; but I would never not recommend it. They have far more experience with this sort of thing than we do. And like any job, sometimes you'll find a good person to deal with, sometimes bad. But if you truly want to get better, you'll have to deal with the discomfort.
 
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