- #1
Thread Owner
I've spoken about my dad before on other sites, but recently it's gotten worse again so I thought I should ask for some advice. Last night, he just started on me again, saying I was useless and that I won't get anywhere in life, just because I'd been in all day due to being ill. He's always said this, he never supports or encourages me and when I finally opened up about it all properly to my boyfriend, he said it was pathetic and cruel. My own mother said he was a bully towards me and he has something against me and we don't know why. But it's not only that, he has some serious problems mentally. I've looked it up and he shows passive aggressive behaviour and is covertly abusive to me and my mum and the worst thing is, he doesn't see it and he blames everyone else. He's also very controlling and paranoid towards my mum. I can work non stop for months, but if I go one week without a shift, he notices and starts calling me lazy and useless! He said I go on the computer too much when actually, I go out whenever I can and he's on his computer 24/7 claiming to be doing work when all I ever see him on is games and youtube! He even misses family events for his beloved computer.
It's extremely hard to describe how he treats us; it's all psychological mind games which drives us both insane. It's pushed my mum to the edge; she's put up with it for over 20 years but she draws the line when he starts bullying me and knocking me down. It's been me and my mum against him for years. She blames him for my low self esteem as he just brings me down all the time, but she blames herself for a lot of things because he manipulates everything to make her feel that way. I always have to reassure her that she's right and she's brought me up well. One of the most annoying parts is when my mum's in work after an argument like this, he'll sit down with me and start saying loads of bullshit about my mum! He lies and manipulates ****, so when he tells me other people agree with him, it's because he hasn't told them the whole truth (and we have proof of that). He basically tries to turn me against my mum but it never works because I know he's the one in the wrong. He basically said that all the wrongs in my life was also my mums fault like my choice in boyfriends, my lack of real friends and the fact I took an unintentional gap year! It obviously isn't her fault but he genuinely believes it! And he seems to believe that I'm stupid enough to believe all the bullshit he comes out with to turn me against my mum, despite the fact that I either ignore him or disagree with everything he says about her. I can't even bring myself to tell him that he's psycho, he's the one in the wrong etc. He even was saying that it's because she's going through menopause when she's far from and has shown no signs of menopause, it's just that she's sticking up for herself for once which he's not used too! He's driven my mum so mad that both her and him smashed the house up the other day. That was the worst and I felt like crying but I held it together for my mum.
I've been wanting them to split up for a year or two now and I've gotten to the point where I wanted to move out but I couldn't due to no money and nowhere to go. I even considered running away to a runaway refuge because I couldn't handle it but I just thought that would be selfish and I wouldn't like to leave my mum alone with him. My mum slept with me for the first time last night and she told me how she wants to move out and away from him but she can't afford it, nor can she afford a divorce. It's almost like she's legally forced into staying with my dad. She can't get a council flat because they'd just say she has a home. If she rented, it'd be dead money and she'd only have about ?50 left over each month for food for us both, she can't stay with her dad forever, nor do I want to live with him. She also doesn't like the idea of growing old alone, which I understand but like, it's better than living with him and his psychotic episodes! We don't know what to do. :sad:
Please, don't say that I love him really, he's my father and people fall out with their parents. This is a whole new level and I'm fed up of people just thinking I'm overreacting over something like a small argument. I hate him 96% of the time. It's psychologically messing up me and my mum and I usually live in fear of him. I've even had recurring nightmares, depicting his personality perfectly. It's a form of abuse and there's just no way to escape it. :sad:
It's extremely hard to describe how he treats us; it's all psychological mind games which drives us both insane. It's pushed my mum to the edge; she's put up with it for over 20 years but she draws the line when he starts bullying me and knocking me down. It's been me and my mum against him for years. She blames him for my low self esteem as he just brings me down all the time, but she blames herself for a lot of things because he manipulates everything to make her feel that way. I always have to reassure her that she's right and she's brought me up well. One of the most annoying parts is when my mum's in work after an argument like this, he'll sit down with me and start saying loads of bullshit about my mum! He lies and manipulates ****, so when he tells me other people agree with him, it's because he hasn't told them the whole truth (and we have proof of that). He basically tries to turn me against my mum but it never works because I know he's the one in the wrong. He basically said that all the wrongs in my life was also my mums fault like my choice in boyfriends, my lack of real friends and the fact I took an unintentional gap year! It obviously isn't her fault but he genuinely believes it! And he seems to believe that I'm stupid enough to believe all the bullshit he comes out with to turn me against my mum, despite the fact that I either ignore him or disagree with everything he says about her. I can't even bring myself to tell him that he's psycho, he's the one in the wrong etc. He even was saying that it's because she's going through menopause when she's far from and has shown no signs of menopause, it's just that she's sticking up for herself for once which he's not used too! He's driven my mum so mad that both her and him smashed the house up the other day. That was the worst and I felt like crying but I held it together for my mum.
I've been wanting them to split up for a year or two now and I've gotten to the point where I wanted to move out but I couldn't due to no money and nowhere to go. I even considered running away to a runaway refuge because I couldn't handle it but I just thought that would be selfish and I wouldn't like to leave my mum alone with him. My mum slept with me for the first time last night and she told me how she wants to move out and away from him but she can't afford it, nor can she afford a divorce. It's almost like she's legally forced into staying with my dad. She can't get a council flat because they'd just say she has a home. If she rented, it'd be dead money and she'd only have about ?50 left over each month for food for us both, she can't stay with her dad forever, nor do I want to live with him. She also doesn't like the idea of growing old alone, which I understand but like, it's better than living with him and his psychotic episodes! We don't know what to do. :sad:
Please, don't say that I love him really, he's my father and people fall out with their parents. This is a whole new level and I'm fed up of people just thinking I'm overreacting over something like a small argument. I hate him 96% of the time. It's psychologically messing up me and my mum and I usually live in fear of him. I've even had recurring nightmares, depicting his personality perfectly. It's a form of abuse and there's just no way to escape it. :sad:
You'll be okay as long as you have people you can have good times with. If you ever want to message me you can 
