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Nate

Nate

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My friends are all sick and tired of hearing about this girl and most of them don't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing because they have never been in more serious relationships, so I'm going to vent the **** out of this thread. Read if you dare...

There is a girl who lied to me, ripped my heart out, cheated on me, treated me like complete ****, took me for granted and used me... but I still love her. You'd think after all of that a little time away from her would get my head straight, but no matter what I try I can't get my head over her. I met her over a year ago. She was in the school musical, and had it not been for a last minute decision to play guitar for the pit band, I never would have met her. It was one of those stupid love struck moments. We had gone our entire highschool days without ever knowing of each others existence. My school was pretty large but it was still strange we never met as we had a lot of mutual friends. We ended up going to a school dance the next day, and hit it off immediately. It seemed like we had everything in common. The next day we went to a movie with some friends and ended up just talking through the whole thing. Then we drove around and ended up parking. Fast forward a month and we were having sex almost every day. That lasted all summer. We built a very strong relationship. My family loved her, her family loved me. We did almost everything together. Then school started up again. I went to college, and she went into the senior year of highschool. We were still in the same town, but it got hard for her. I don't want to sound arrogant but I cared so deeply for this girl that I didn't think twice about other girls. I literally spent my free time doing things for her. I wanted it to work so badly. She started to distance herself from me. I would ask her about it but she would just get angry and tell me everything is fine and then she'd blame me for not trusting her. Then around november she told me she kissed this kid in the musical theater program. The kid is an absolute ****ing **** i've known him since elementary school. He is the most ****y son of a ****, ****ing pretty boy ****. Can you tell i'm hostile toward him? Well she swore to me up and down that it was a mistake and she still loved me, so i decided i wasn't going to let a stupid kiss ruin what i treasured so much. So we never broke up, i forgave her. From there out, it got really bad. She ended up hanging out with this kid a lot. I literally watched her fall in love with him, but she never admitted it and i trusted her. Then in february she told me she had been sleeping with him. She had been lying to me for months. The way she felt about me, what she had been doing, everything. I was devastated. I slipped into a depression. I lost 15 pounds in two weeks. I slept all the time. I ended up failing two classes because i just had zero motivation. I met up with her a week after she told me to get my stuff back when she told me she wanted to be my friend, i told her there was no way. I went over a month without talking to her. Then out of the blue she called me on my birthday. She said she wanted to give me something little, even if i just met up with her for five minutes. Well she ended up telling me how she learned from her mistake and she still loved me and wanted to try again. I was hesitant, and we hung out for a month before dating again. It went great for about another month, but then she went back to that kid again. She got so distant from me, i broke up with her because i saw it all happening again. My suspicions were true, because two days after i broke up with her she started dating that ****ing ****bag.

Here's where it gets more recent. She dated that kid for about three weeks, until her parents found out what happened. They hate that kid too because he's a ****. They told her she wasn't allowed to see him. We had been talking since we broke up almost on a daily basis trying to be friends. I was obviously not over her. She still isn't completely over me. But now she is giving me this thing about she wants to start from step one with me and try to rekindle that spark we used to have. I don't want to jump into a relationship because i know for a fact she is not over that ****er either. She still talks to him and talks about him a lot. But the problem is, I still love her and i hate myself for it. I'm afraid i'm going to keep hanging out with her all summer just for her to string me along the whole time and then dump me when she leaves for college. I'm almost positive that is what will happen. But i literally cannot stop myself from talking and hanging out with her. I just think she friend zoned me and the feelings are not mutual at all. I hate where i'm at because she looks at me as a friend anymore and i look at her as the girl i love. It is so bittersweet because i absolutely love hanging out with her but it hurts so bad to know that she does not feel the same way.
 
Boo-hoo she liked someone else better than me! Get over it man. You're 19. Find another girl. There are plenty out there. She doesn't know what she wants and is not the type of girl you should have a relationship with.
 
Do. Not. Go. There. Bro.

She's a selfish person and frankly you deserve better. Honestly, forget about the girl, she treated you like ****, she's a ****. Find someone better because you sound like you did nothing wrong and you deserve someone who appreciates the love and effort you give for them.
 
Pato said:
Boo-hoo she liked someone else better than me! Get over it man. You're 19. Find another girl. There are plenty out there. She doesn't know what she wants and is not the type of girl you should have a relationship with.
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While i appreciate your brutal honesty, that kid is not better than me. He is a womanizing **** who notoriously treats people like ****.
 
i doubt he's better than you- given what you've told us about this girl, she's going to be likely attracted to two types of guys: ones she can walk all over, and ones that will walk all over her.

it sounds like you're still very hurt from what she did to you, and that raises a huge red flag about ever getting back together. unless you're in a state of emotional and mental readiness to improve both her and yourself in a relationship, she's not going to help your emotional health at all. it seems to me she hasn't grown up at all and will probably just lie and cheat once again.

think about what you need in a relationship rather than what you want. you're in love with her, she claims to still have feelings for you despite what she did and told you in the past, you're in a very vulnerable position. she seems to be a very toxic person for you to be in a relationship with and you need to face that and force yourself to get over her. go out on a few dates with some chicks from class, have a one night stand, get your mind off of this girl! take a vacation out of the town you both live in so you can have some new faces and none of them being hers.

what she needs is someone who's steady enough emotionally where she's regarded that he can help her realise that she does very, very selfish things and needs to think of other's feelings before making terribly rash decisions. she needs someone without bias towards her and who can communicate directly to her that she needs to change or she'll only cause unhappiness. she needs someone who won't take her bullshit and will help her get over any insecurities or lack of self-respect and get her to be the best person she can be.
right now, that isn't you. you're hurt, you're in love with her, and she's driven you to depression. you're still very, very raw and you need to realise that you need to focus on yourself and what's best for you. she is not what's even good for you.

but all in all, do what you'd like. no-one here is telling you what to do.(: we don't know the entire story nor do we actually know her. so! use your best judgement.
 
Personally I wouldn't bother with her again mate; she lied and manipulated you, and basically held no respect for you - any girl who genuinely cared would have broke off the relationship BEFORE sleeping with someone else. Then again, I really despise people who cheat so maybe my judgement is clouded. Honestly, it sounds as if you're "second best" to her; would she be interested in rekindling her relationship with you if her parents hadn't restricted them seeing each-other? I doubt it, so it sounds to me as if she's just running back to you whilst she has opportunity.

Your call mate, but you'd save yourself a lot of hassle and pain from trying to move on. I understand you still love her and want to make things work, and if you want to try again then I'm behind you all the way. Personally though I just can't see what can be gained; would you not rather find a girl whom you never have this sort of problem with, whom genuinely cares for, respects and loves you?
 
Poontang said:
Her version of "better" =/= your version of "better". People have different tastes in partners, and hers appears to be arsehole.
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Rather than arsehole, I'd say confident and not particularly wanting a relationship. A lot of girls are insecure and love attention, and will try their best to prove they are worthy partners. When someone treats them like that and just doesn't really care, it draws them in so that they can prove they are good enough and make them feel better about themselves if they get with the guy. As for confidence, if you get the right mix between confident and ****y, girls will be dripping for you. Clearly, you are upset and care too much if you write an essay on a forum about it. Care less man, it works wonders. I used to be super nice and serving to all girls I liked, and it just gets you nowhere. Play around with them, make playful jokes, pretend you don't like them, show very little interest, and you're in.
 
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It all just blows. We still hang out pretty often. I think instead of getting all weird and sappy about it I'm going to go about moving on and if she decides anything different than I'll rethink it. I just don't want to drop everything and run because she is still a really good friend and her family is awesome. Her dad and I are really close, hell our bands play together once or twice a month.

Most the time this is my approach to it^ But every once and awhile I get weak and end up doing stupid **** like venting on a forum haha. I also just had a great weekend so I'm in a pretty good mood.
 
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