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Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers. (Expression circa 1880)
Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent organism frequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-concealed pride.
Carpet Creepers: Heavier-than-air creations, these linger and permeate the atmosphere at or near ground level; source invariably anonymous, having already left the room.
Fizzlers: Efforts at first promising, but eventual unsatisfactory, at least to the donor; often surprisingly effective on bystanders. Often the last of a series; originator betrays disappointment.
One-Cheek Sneaks: Attempted sureptitious contributions, usually signified by the artist's telltale "tilting". Ricocheting off metal "bridge chairs" or church pews, they possess satisfactory resonance, produce blushes, giggles, glares.
Poohs: Open-sphincter donations, gusty and full-bodied, but lacking sonority; popular on buses; customarily unacknowledged.
SBDs (Silent But Deadly): Consistant with the Law of the Conservation of Energy, what a SBD lacks in audible qualities is compensated for in semi-lethal olfactory intensity. The mechanism responsible is usually the innocent-looking person glancing about susupiciously.
Screamers: High-pitched, tight-sphincter offerings, often of astonishing duration and tonal variation; most pleasurably exchanged among roommates or frat brothers, or inspired by presence of officious bureacrat.
Squeegies: Small, immature and moist products. Humiliating for all concerned.
Wet Ones (aka Brewers' Farts, grains and all, Fudgies, Playing Misty): Samples are accompanied by gutteral, rasping or lisping sound, indicating vaporous content. Originator registers astonishment, dread, then usually departs, walking funny.
Well now your all updated! Go and show every one your new found knowledge about farts.
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Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent organism frequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-concealed pride.
Carpet Creepers: Heavier-than-air creations, these linger and permeate the atmosphere at or near ground level; source invariably anonymous, having already left the room.
Fizzlers: Efforts at first promising, but eventual unsatisfactory, at least to the donor; often surprisingly effective on bystanders. Often the last of a series; originator betrays disappointment.
One-Cheek Sneaks: Attempted sureptitious contributions, usually signified by the artist's telltale "tilting". Ricocheting off metal "bridge chairs" or church pews, they possess satisfactory resonance, produce blushes, giggles, glares.
Poohs: Open-sphincter donations, gusty and full-bodied, but lacking sonority; popular on buses; customarily unacknowledged.
SBDs (Silent But Deadly): Consistant with the Law of the Conservation of Energy, what a SBD lacks in audible qualities is compensated for in semi-lethal olfactory intensity. The mechanism responsible is usually the innocent-looking person glancing about susupiciously.
Screamers: High-pitched, tight-sphincter offerings, often of astonishing duration and tonal variation; most pleasurably exchanged among roommates or frat brothers, or inspired by presence of officious bureacrat.
Squeegies: Small, immature and moist products. Humiliating for all concerned.
Wet Ones (aka Brewers' Farts, grains and all, Fudgies, Playing Misty): Samples are accompanied by gutteral, rasping or lisping sound, indicating vaporous content. Originator registers astonishment, dread, then usually departs, walking funny.
Well now your all updated! Go and show every one your new found knowledge about farts.
----------------------------
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Signature?
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