...but **** it, I'ma try anyway.
As per usual, long.
So my birthday is on Aug. 18th and I invited my cousin to come spend the week with me, so he could be here on my birthday. He lives in another state and because of when our birthdays are we've never been around each other during them.
But I went and told him and my mother "do not tell anyone else in our family about this, it'll just cause trouble".
And what do you think happened? He went and told his grandmother, my aunt, and she has a big mouth. It's funny because my mom and cousin promised not to tell anyone else, so did my aunt now according to my mother, but I'm over here like "well, gee, look at the track record of people not telling has gone thus far!".
And so when my mom and aunt were talking over the phone the other day I hear my mother invite my aunt and anyone else, since my aunt can't drive alone, to come out here. On my birthday.
...so they can see him on a day that just so happens to be my birthday as well. And then my mom makes a big deal out of it because it's my 21st birthday but said "it's only for one day" and I'm just like "yeah, my birthday, and they'd be here to see him".
And it's not that I would want them here to see me or anything. No. Far from it. What I'm pissed off about is that if anyone else comes down here then they'll be distracting him from me, because he'll be so focused on catching up with them instead! Because that's what he ****ing does when our family is around! I mean come on! The whole purpose of me inviting him out here is totally and utterly defeated if other people show up, even if it's just for "one day". Yeah, my **** it'll be one day. They'll show up on my birthday and hog him all day and night and until he gets on his plane the next ****ing morning.
Yeah, that's the other thing, he's leaving the morning after my birthday! Talk about a ****ty-**** birthday! Sure I get the rest of the week with him, but the one night I can legally go get plastered off my **** is the one night that's going to be ****ing ruined!
And to top it all off, everyone, I mean everyone, knows how much I absolutely, positively, HATE PARTIES! And then my mom comes back and says "well excuse me for wanting to celebrate your birthday" and I'm just like "I don't want or need a party to celebrate and you always keep doing this". Because she does! No matter how much I insist I don't want a party, she has one for me anyway. I thought she stopped that whole nonsense after I turned 16 which is when i actually invited people over by myself and we did jack-**** other than watch movies and eat cake all night long.
But then she went and had a surprise graduation party for me and a lot of people showed up. Sure I was happy to see some of them but most of them I just had to pretend I knew who they were but really I was thinking 'who the **** are you?' the entire time.
And only one of my actual friends showed up to that party anyway. Besides, I spent the entire duration of that party hidden away watching a movie with my dad and the other more introverted party goers there.
I would have just gone to my room and stayed there but I was forbidden to do that, so I id somewhere else was all.
Point is, I hate parties or making any sort of big deal out of my birthday. I mean, sure, it's a deal because it's me. But all i really want is cake and a present or two and I'm good. Really. I don't really like going out to eat or spending time with anyone on my birthday but my entire life all I remember is that the bulk of my birthdays have been crap because people get me to do things I really don't wanna do no matter how much I protest. They always want me to have a party and always, always, always, invite people over without telling me so I just wake up the morning of my birthday and I'm told "oh by the way, such and such is coming over in an hour" and now I've gotta eat, take a shower, do my hair, get dressed, and make myself look decent! And I take long-**** showers! And when you don't bathe often, like me, you've got a forest to mow down while you're in the shower so everything takes extra long (actually, even if I took showers more often I'd still have a forest to mow down) and my hair is always, always, always falling out in wads and strands stick all over my body so I have to spend time getting those off of me and I'm not even out of the shower before most people show up!
See this is what people do to me! I hate parties! That should be reason enough! But if you're gonna spring something on me, at least spring it on me a full ****ing day before, huh! Ugh!
More to the point, so not only am I vastly irritated with my mother for inviting people down here when I flat-out told her not to. I told her, I told her, I told her why I didn't want anyone else knowing and she disregards it anyway! Now everything I was afraid was gonna happen is going to happen! Because I should have ****ing known! What's next, regardless of my intentions to **** around with mother nature I'll end up on my period the week my cousin is supposed to visit anyway?! Yeah, probably.
AND I'm so ****ing pissed way the ****mothering off at my cousin that yesterday I was half a second away from just tell him to **** it all, since we can't refund the tickets then just reschedule the **** thing for Christmas or what the **** ever because he might as well not even come anymore since the whole **** thing is ruined now.
But I didn't do that because despite the fact when my mom and aunt said was probably the truth, there's still the slight possibility of a misunderstanding since my aunt exaggerates and my mom could have just lied to me (but she doesn't really lie much so, yeah).
Besides, i would have ended up regretting it anyway. But what the **** is the point now since the whole point is going to be ruined anyway?
The point, by the way, was for him to come out here so I could spend time with him without the rest of our family constantly prying his attention away from me. Just like they've always done! Always! Always! Always! They've always done that! I never get to spend any time with him at all! If it's not one of them distracting him, it's calls from his friend back home - seriously, are his friends so ****ing needy they can't go a day without talking to him for hours and can't he just ****ing hang up when he's visiting with someone else?! Or it's his girlfriend, who is likely going to start following him everywhere from now on everywhere he goes except this time when he's visiting me.
What I'm getting at is, I've been rather selfless where he's concerned thus far. Unlike most people, I don't aid in pulling him multiple different directions at once. When he's clearly busy, and exhausted (yeah, they keep him busy to the point where he's basically walking around in a daze), I leave him alone because he doesn't need another person bothering him like that. ****, the only real reason he likes hanging around me is because I don't do much! I'm not exhausting, I'm relaxing!
But, he has a bad habit of not saying 'no' to anyone, unless it's me. So if other people show up, demanding his attention, he'll give it to them.
Ahhhh! Hell ****ing no, I've been planning this **** for months, ****ing months! But does anyone really give a **** about any of that?! NOOOOOOO!! They just no that their favorite (him) showed up to see the unfavorite (me) and will get seriously ****ing insulted to know he didn't bother to make the extra 5 hour trip out there to go and see all of them since he's in the state.
Well you know what? I **** well paid for half of his plane ticket, my mom paid for the other half. The rest of our family can **** off because it was my idea to invite him out here, for my birthday, to spend time with me, so why the ****ing hell should I have to sacrifice what I want just so a bunch of people who hardly even bother to call, or contact him, and never even bother to save up money to fly them out themselves, can spend time with him when it was MY MONEY which I ****ing earned or it was generously given to me as an advanced birthday gift (as in, I wont be getting anything from that person on my birthday now), and MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY'S MONEY which they earned themselves and were nice enough to spend because him coming out here would basically be my birthday present!
In other words, no, they have no ****ing right to come out here and invade my space, time, and disrupt all my efforts after all my planning, all my hard work to make some money (w/o getting a job I might add!) when it was all my doing to get him out here in the ****ing first place! This happened last time it was my idea to fly him out here also! That time it was for our family reunion. We drove out there and I didn't see him again for days. Hardly saw him the entire time. When I did see him all he wanted to do was sleep. So I let him sleep. I think I've gotten maybe one day, since I was 17 (which is the last time we flew him out here), that I've spent time alone with him at all. And that was really only because he wanted to avoid meeting his soon-to-be step siblings and watch The Walking Dead with me instead.
Of course after that all he wanted to do was sleep and the next morning all he did was play some game on his computer! So he still kind of ignored me!
But what really bothers me is that he told me that I'm the only who even bothers to try to talk to him at all. Everyone else hardly calls or texts him. And when he flies out to see us all it's on his dime. Not theirs, they rarely help out at all even when they can. But I text him all the time and here I am paying for half of his ticket out of my own pocket even when he's supposed to be the only birthday present I'm getting this year.
And now everyone is going to ruin it because they can't seem to ****ing grasp that for ****ing once in his life he's not here to cater to them and their whims, not even there to see them at all! He never once mentioned anything about wanting to see his family. He gets to see his brother, who is going on a cruise with my sister the same week, at least for a little bit and that's all he seemed to be interested in seeing! Just because he's visiting the ****ing state doesn't mean he's here to see anyone but me! He never mentioned anything about it, I'm quite sure that while he'd like to see them he'd also find it annoying esp. since I told him that he could relax while he's here. Well he doesn't really relax when his family is around. It's horrible, he's on edge a lot.
But it's his own **** fault I guess. Should have ****ing listened to me and kept his mouth shut like I told him to! When's he gonna learn that I'm by far and away more intelligent and observant than he is?! I was very specific when I told him why I didn't want anyone to know he was coming to visit me, because then they'd either want him to go to them or they'd come here. And oh holy ****ing hell, look who was right!
I love him to death but he has no ****ing common sense whatsoever and doesn't ****ing do what I say when it's imperative for things to go the way they're supposed to.
And now how the **** am I supposed to get them to keep away from here and to just back off? Now that they ****ing know they're just suspicious of me for keeping it a secret in the first place, assholes always thinking I'm up to something perverted when it comes to him. After all this time they still don't trust me alone with him. God ****, you should see the way his dad, my older cousin, looks at me sometimes. Like he doesn't trust me alone with his precious perfect eldest son! Point being, if I had told them, I'd be screwing myself over anyway. But since they know now anyway I'm screwed over and they'll be suspicious of me! But keeping it a secret was still better because at least there was a chance I could make it all go my way.
But no, I have one of the slowest-witted cousins I gotta deal with and he's the one who spilled the beans. You wanna know how ****ing irritating it is that the person of your affection, the one this is all about, is the one who ruined it all to begin with? I'm torn between if I should just tackle him in a hug when I see him or tackle him then wring his neck instead!
Good God, why did I have to get attached to the one cousin with zip-zero common ****ing sense?! Wait, no, I take that back... none of them have common ****ing sense!
On another note! Now my stupid ****ing **** of a sister is refusing to do the dishes! It's technically my week to do them but she owed my mom a Sunday to do them, as my mom does them on Sundays, and didn't do them yesterday! So now I have to do this ****ing mountain of dishes she was supposed to do yesterday because she owed my mom for it, but now she's saying "oh, well, it's not Sunday so it's your week" even though SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THEM YESTERDAY! Stupid! ****! ****! ****! I should be an **** and leave a scathing review on her new babysitting thing online, but I'd have to revoke the awesome review I gave earlier today!
Oh, stupid ****ing **** don't even know just what kind of **** I can do with my words when I want to. She's a ****ing **** anyway, but I was nice and left a nice review after she was whiny and asked me to, so i did it... and this is the thanks I get. I get to clean up her ****ing mess. Why does this surprise me? I should be used to doing nice **** for her then having her spit on my face then having her rub dirt all over me as a thanks for my kindness. ****ing **** always wanting me to be nice but never doing anything nice, even when it's what she's SUPPOSED TO DO, herself! AHHHHHGGGGGG!!!
In short:
****! ****! ****! EVERYTHING!
As per usual, long.
So my birthday is on Aug. 18th and I invited my cousin to come spend the week with me, so he could be here on my birthday. He lives in another state and because of when our birthdays are we've never been around each other during them.
But I went and told him and my mother "do not tell anyone else in our family about this, it'll just cause trouble".
And what do you think happened? He went and told his grandmother, my aunt, and she has a big mouth. It's funny because my mom and cousin promised not to tell anyone else, so did my aunt now according to my mother, but I'm over here like "well, gee, look at the track record of people not telling has gone thus far!".
And so when my mom and aunt were talking over the phone the other day I hear my mother invite my aunt and anyone else, since my aunt can't drive alone, to come out here. On my birthday.
...so they can see him on a day that just so happens to be my birthday as well. And then my mom makes a big deal out of it because it's my 21st birthday but said "it's only for one day" and I'm just like "yeah, my birthday, and they'd be here to see him".
And it's not that I would want them here to see me or anything. No. Far from it. What I'm pissed off about is that if anyone else comes down here then they'll be distracting him from me, because he'll be so focused on catching up with them instead! Because that's what he ****ing does when our family is around! I mean come on! The whole purpose of me inviting him out here is totally and utterly defeated if other people show up, even if it's just for "one day". Yeah, my **** it'll be one day. They'll show up on my birthday and hog him all day and night and until he gets on his plane the next ****ing morning.
Yeah, that's the other thing, he's leaving the morning after my birthday! Talk about a ****ty-**** birthday! Sure I get the rest of the week with him, but the one night I can legally go get plastered off my **** is the one night that's going to be ****ing ruined!
And to top it all off, everyone, I mean everyone, knows how much I absolutely, positively, HATE PARTIES! And then my mom comes back and says "well excuse me for wanting to celebrate your birthday" and I'm just like "I don't want or need a party to celebrate and you always keep doing this". Because she does! No matter how much I insist I don't want a party, she has one for me anyway. I thought she stopped that whole nonsense after I turned 16 which is when i actually invited people over by myself and we did jack-**** other than watch movies and eat cake all night long.
But then she went and had a surprise graduation party for me and a lot of people showed up. Sure I was happy to see some of them but most of them I just had to pretend I knew who they were but really I was thinking 'who the **** are you?' the entire time.
And only one of my actual friends showed up to that party anyway. Besides, I spent the entire duration of that party hidden away watching a movie with my dad and the other more introverted party goers there.
I would have just gone to my room and stayed there but I was forbidden to do that, so I id somewhere else was all.
Point is, I hate parties or making any sort of big deal out of my birthday. I mean, sure, it's a deal because it's me. But all i really want is cake and a present or two and I'm good. Really. I don't really like going out to eat or spending time with anyone on my birthday but my entire life all I remember is that the bulk of my birthdays have been crap because people get me to do things I really don't wanna do no matter how much I protest. They always want me to have a party and always, always, always, invite people over without telling me so I just wake up the morning of my birthday and I'm told "oh by the way, such and such is coming over in an hour" and now I've gotta eat, take a shower, do my hair, get dressed, and make myself look decent! And I take long-**** showers! And when you don't bathe often, like me, you've got a forest to mow down while you're in the shower so everything takes extra long (actually, even if I took showers more often I'd still have a forest to mow down) and my hair is always, always, always falling out in wads and strands stick all over my body so I have to spend time getting those off of me and I'm not even out of the shower before most people show up!
See this is what people do to me! I hate parties! That should be reason enough! But if you're gonna spring something on me, at least spring it on me a full ****ing day before, huh! Ugh!
More to the point, so not only am I vastly irritated with my mother for inviting people down here when I flat-out told her not to. I told her, I told her, I told her why I didn't want anyone else knowing and she disregards it anyway! Now everything I was afraid was gonna happen is going to happen! Because I should have ****ing known! What's next, regardless of my intentions to **** around with mother nature I'll end up on my period the week my cousin is supposed to visit anyway?! Yeah, probably.
AND I'm so ****ing pissed way the ****mothering off at my cousin that yesterday I was half a second away from just tell him to **** it all, since we can't refund the tickets then just reschedule the **** thing for Christmas or what the **** ever because he might as well not even come anymore since the whole **** thing is ruined now.
But I didn't do that because despite the fact when my mom and aunt said was probably the truth, there's still the slight possibility of a misunderstanding since my aunt exaggerates and my mom could have just lied to me (but she doesn't really lie much so, yeah).
Besides, i would have ended up regretting it anyway. But what the **** is the point now since the whole point is going to be ruined anyway?
The point, by the way, was for him to come out here so I could spend time with him without the rest of our family constantly prying his attention away from me. Just like they've always done! Always! Always! Always! They've always done that! I never get to spend any time with him at all! If it's not one of them distracting him, it's calls from his friend back home - seriously, are his friends so ****ing needy they can't go a day without talking to him for hours and can't he just ****ing hang up when he's visiting with someone else?! Or it's his girlfriend, who is likely going to start following him everywhere from now on everywhere he goes except this time when he's visiting me.
What I'm getting at is, I've been rather selfless where he's concerned thus far. Unlike most people, I don't aid in pulling him multiple different directions at once. When he's clearly busy, and exhausted (yeah, they keep him busy to the point where he's basically walking around in a daze), I leave him alone because he doesn't need another person bothering him like that. ****, the only real reason he likes hanging around me is because I don't do much! I'm not exhausting, I'm relaxing!
But, he has a bad habit of not saying 'no' to anyone, unless it's me. So if other people show up, demanding his attention, he'll give it to them.
Ahhhh! Hell ****ing no, I've been planning this **** for months, ****ing months! But does anyone really give a **** about any of that?! NOOOOOOO!! They just no that their favorite (him) showed up to see the unfavorite (me) and will get seriously ****ing insulted to know he didn't bother to make the extra 5 hour trip out there to go and see all of them since he's in the state.
Well you know what? I **** well paid for half of his plane ticket, my mom paid for the other half. The rest of our family can **** off because it was my idea to invite him out here, for my birthday, to spend time with me, so why the ****ing hell should I have to sacrifice what I want just so a bunch of people who hardly even bother to call, or contact him, and never even bother to save up money to fly them out themselves, can spend time with him when it was MY MONEY which I ****ing earned or it was generously given to me as an advanced birthday gift (as in, I wont be getting anything from that person on my birthday now), and MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY'S MONEY which they earned themselves and were nice enough to spend because him coming out here would basically be my birthday present!
In other words, no, they have no ****ing right to come out here and invade my space, time, and disrupt all my efforts after all my planning, all my hard work to make some money (w/o getting a job I might add!) when it was all my doing to get him out here in the ****ing first place! This happened last time it was my idea to fly him out here also! That time it was for our family reunion. We drove out there and I didn't see him again for days. Hardly saw him the entire time. When I did see him all he wanted to do was sleep. So I let him sleep. I think I've gotten maybe one day, since I was 17 (which is the last time we flew him out here), that I've spent time alone with him at all. And that was really only because he wanted to avoid meeting his soon-to-be step siblings and watch The Walking Dead with me instead.
Of course after that all he wanted to do was sleep and the next morning all he did was play some game on his computer! So he still kind of ignored me!
But what really bothers me is that he told me that I'm the only who even bothers to try to talk to him at all. Everyone else hardly calls or texts him. And when he flies out to see us all it's on his dime. Not theirs, they rarely help out at all even when they can. But I text him all the time and here I am paying for half of his ticket out of my own pocket even when he's supposed to be the only birthday present I'm getting this year.
And now everyone is going to ruin it because they can't seem to ****ing grasp that for ****ing once in his life he's not here to cater to them and their whims, not even there to see them at all! He never once mentioned anything about wanting to see his family. He gets to see his brother, who is going on a cruise with my sister the same week, at least for a little bit and that's all he seemed to be interested in seeing! Just because he's visiting the ****ing state doesn't mean he's here to see anyone but me! He never mentioned anything about it, I'm quite sure that while he'd like to see them he'd also find it annoying esp. since I told him that he could relax while he's here. Well he doesn't really relax when his family is around. It's horrible, he's on edge a lot.
But it's his own **** fault I guess. Should have ****ing listened to me and kept his mouth shut like I told him to! When's he gonna learn that I'm by far and away more intelligent and observant than he is?! I was very specific when I told him why I didn't want anyone to know he was coming to visit me, because then they'd either want him to go to them or they'd come here. And oh holy ****ing hell, look who was right!
I love him to death but he has no ****ing common sense whatsoever and doesn't ****ing do what I say when it's imperative for things to go the way they're supposed to.
And now how the **** am I supposed to get them to keep away from here and to just back off? Now that they ****ing know they're just suspicious of me for keeping it a secret in the first place, assholes always thinking I'm up to something perverted when it comes to him. After all this time they still don't trust me alone with him. God ****, you should see the way his dad, my older cousin, looks at me sometimes. Like he doesn't trust me alone with his precious perfect eldest son! Point being, if I had told them, I'd be screwing myself over anyway. But since they know now anyway I'm screwed over and they'll be suspicious of me! But keeping it a secret was still better because at least there was a chance I could make it all go my way.
But no, I have one of the slowest-witted cousins I gotta deal with and he's the one who spilled the beans. You wanna know how ****ing irritating it is that the person of your affection, the one this is all about, is the one who ruined it all to begin with? I'm torn between if I should just tackle him in a hug when I see him or tackle him then wring his neck instead!
Good God, why did I have to get attached to the one cousin with zip-zero common ****ing sense?! Wait, no, I take that back... none of them have common ****ing sense!
On another note! Now my stupid ****ing **** of a sister is refusing to do the dishes! It's technically my week to do them but she owed my mom a Sunday to do them, as my mom does them on Sundays, and didn't do them yesterday! So now I have to do this ****ing mountain of dishes she was supposed to do yesterday because she owed my mom for it, but now she's saying "oh, well, it's not Sunday so it's your week" even though SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THEM YESTERDAY! Stupid! ****! ****! ****! I should be an **** and leave a scathing review on her new babysitting thing online, but I'd have to revoke the awesome review I gave earlier today!
Oh, stupid ****ing **** don't even know just what kind of **** I can do with my words when I want to. She's a ****ing **** anyway, but I was nice and left a nice review after she was whiny and asked me to, so i did it... and this is the thanks I get. I get to clean up her ****ing mess. Why does this surprise me? I should be used to doing nice **** for her then having her spit on my face then having her rub dirt all over me as a thanks for my kindness. ****ing **** always wanting me to be nice but never doing anything nice, even when it's what she's SUPPOSED TO DO, herself! AHHHHHGGGGGG!!!
In short:
****! ****! ****! EVERYTHING!
