Being judged.

[hannah]

I was wearing a crop top and shorts in hot weather and I was in a park/field, surrounded by many people. There was a young couple sitting not far from me and they kept looking at me and giving me "evils". I later heard the guy, purposely talking loud so I'd hear it, saying, 'girls wear those tops for attention' along with some other rude comments, despite the fact that his girlfriend was wearing a similar top and there were many other girls around wearing less than I was. I very rarely wear crop tops and if anything, it took me a lot of courage and confidence to be able to wear one that day. I had bought two new crop tops and I haven't worn either of them, in fear of being judged and deemed a ****. It really upset me and has knocked my confidence down. How can people be so rude and judgemental?! :sad:

 

[Phossix]

To me, it sounds like the boy's girlfriend felt pretty insecure after seeing you. So he took it upon himself to make you feel bad, just to make his girlfriend feel good.
It's pathetic, but that's how people work.

Don't let one jerk ruin your confidence. If he's going to judge you for wearing what you please, then he's just a scumbag.

 

[Abdullah]

I'm not sure you were comfortable or feeling completely right about what you were wearing since you felt sad and gave considerable attention to what the person said. I believe a part of you was feeling wrong about what you did since you were vulnerable to the guy's judgement.

People judge each other everyday, and there's never going to be a cure to that. Now I'm quite sure many people here would judge that person who judged you in many aspects just because you brought him to the light in a negative way, and maybe to make you feel better, and the judging circle continues! The only cure to it is to try to be enough confident and secure about who we are and what we do, so that we get to be as invulnerable as possible to people's judgements and critics.

 

[Potato]

People judge, even you judge, life goes on.

 

[lauren]

I understand how degrading this is, I hate it when it happens to me but the best advice I can give is wear what you want and try and ignore what other people think of you

 

[Smooth]

Out of curiosity, Hannah, why do you care what some stranger thinks of you? You don't know him, you'll probably never see him again, and he knows absolutely nothing about you except what you were wearing. Do you think he is superior to you in some way? I sure as hell don't think he is. He's just a person, with an **** opinion, just like everyone has.
You will never please everyone, no matter how hard you try, and there will always be people who think differently than you do. You shouldn't let them affect you like this. Who the hell are they? No one, that's who.
People who go around judging others are really pathetic, in my opinion. Don't they have anything better to do than sit around talking **** about people they don't know? How pitiful is that?!
I can't help but take people like that as a total joke. As a biker, I'm tattooed and I wear leather and hang out with some seriously rowdy people. I run into people nearly every day I go out in public who look at me with fear, or disgust. I could not care less. I am who and what I am, and if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to be around me. I am happy with myself and my life, and I have lots of friends. What some dope in a park thinks about me means less than nothing to me. Laugh at them. They are good for a moment's laughter, and not much else.

 

[hannah]

Out of curiosity, Hannah, why do you care what some stranger thinks of you? You don't know him, you'll probably never see him again, and he knows absolutely nothing about you except what you were wearing. Do you think he is superior to you in some way? I sure as hell don't think he is. He's just a person, with an **** opinion, just like everyone has.
You will never please everyone, no matter how hard you try, and there will always be people who think differently than you do. You shouldn't let them affect you like this. Who the hell are they? No one, that's who.
People who go around judging others are really pathetic, in my opinion. Don't they have anything better to do than sit around talking **** about people they don't know? How pitiful is that?!
I can't help but take people like that as a total joke. As a biker, I'm tattooed and I wear leather and hang out with some seriously rowdy people. I run into people nearly every day I go out in public who look at me with fear, or disgust. I could not care less. I am who and what I am, and if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to be around me. I am happy with myself and my life, and I have lots of friends. What some dope in a park thinks about me means less than nothing to me. Laugh at them. They are good for a moment's laughter, and not much else.

I don't care, it just bothers me because I can get pretty insecure. I feel generally confident and fine most of the time in myself, but the moment someone insults me or talks negatively about me, it just knocks me to the ground all over again. I've never been good at handling insults or criticisms. Despite appearing unaffected and not bothered, it does get to me sometimes and just realising how horrible people can be just adds to it.

 

[Smooth]

I don't care, it just bothers me because I can get pretty insecure. I feel generally confident and fine most of the time in myself, but the moment someone insults me or talks negatively about me, it just knocks me to the ground all over again. I've never been good at handling insults or criticisms. Despite appearing unaffected and not bothered, it does get to me sometimes and just realising how horrible people can be just adds to it.

I may sound a bit presumptuous here, but it's just what I think, and what I've learned over the years.
If you're young like most of the members here seem to be, I can almost guarantee that your attitude and how you feel about yourself will change - many times - as life goes on.
Folks as young as this crowd haven't settled into themselves yet. You are all still learning about yourselves and about life. You're not completely comfortable in your own skin yet, and neither was I at a young age. It wasn't till I was in my early 30's that I was more comfortable with myself, but even still, I'm not entirely happy with certain things.
With age and time you will learn that people like the jackass in the park who disapproved of your clothing just don't matter. Worry about the people who do matter.
One thing I've learned: people DO suck. They don't get better as you get older. For me, they got worse. I'm less tolerant of lots of things and what matters to me now is very different from what mattered to me 20 years ago.
Don't let twits like him get you down. Enjoy yourself as you are, learn what you want to change, decide what's important and who matters, and the rest will fall into place.

 

[Danny]

I normally wear my trackies in the house if I don't have any plans or whatever, always feel like a ned when I'm going to the shop to get a pint of milk or a loaf or something

 

[Riven]

Why on earth do you care what pthers say?

I wear ****ty clothes, so WHAT? I have boobs so i wear cropped things.. It would be worse if a girl didnt have any boobs at all and wore those.

besides, it's hot. Who dafuq cares? I'd walk around nakes, if i could.

Jealous people will comments on your clothesbecause they wished they could fit in it as well as you do... I'm serious here.
I have a very decent body. When I wear clothes like that, people who dont have boobs as big as mine always, ALWAYS make a comment like the one you describe...

And i just look at their lack of boobs and i smile and move on....

 

[hannah]

Why on earth do you care what pthers say?

I wear ****ty clothes, so WHAT? I have boobs so i wear cropped things.. It would be worse if a girl didnt have any boobs at all and wore those.

besides, it's hot. Who dafuq cares? I'd walk around nakes, if i could.

Jealous people will comments on your clothesbecause they wished they could fit in it as well as you do... I'm serious here.
I have a very decent body. When I wear clothes like that, people who dont have boobs as big as mine always, ALWAYS make a comment like the one you describe...

And i just look at their lack of boobs and i smile and move on....

:giggle: ahaa, fair enough!

 

[Kirk]

Boobies!

*Ahem*

In all seriousness, judging one another is just human nature; sometimes it's done in a more spiteful, selfish or hurtful manner, such as how you described. Chances are they were just jealous or insecure and felt the need to take it out on you, or as someone suggested they were trying to make their girlfriend feel good. Take it on the chin, they are worth your time.

I can see his point of view though, regardless of the context he was saying it in, because there are girls out there who wear such clothing (or less) to garner attention. It happens, so people have formed a stereotype over it. [MENTION=1398]Danny[/MENTION] used the example of tracksuit bottoms and how he feels when he goes out whilst wearing them, because people will judge him based on that clothing. It's all stereotypes, and just like with the majority of them you just have to learn to ignore it and do what you want.

 

[hannah]

To me, it sounds like the boy's girlfriend felt pretty insecure after seeing you. So he took it upon himself to make you feel bad, just to make his girlfriend feel good.
It's pathetic, but that's how people work.

Don't let one jerk ruin your confidence. If he's going to judge you for wearing what you please, then he's just a scumbag.

I never thought of it that way. Thanks! :aww:

 

[mingming30]

It is normal for people to judge other people based merely on one's appearance and I think it is normal but not ok and I am guilty of it and a victim of it too at times. I guess as long as your not hurting anybody and feel good about yourself then you can just let it roll off your back and move on.

 

[Trellum]

You shouldn't care about what the others think; you're not here to please them! If you were, then you'd be condemned to a life of unhappines, so be glad you are not here to please anyone The only way to be happy is to stop caring about what the others think, if you do this you are going to feel so free as a result (and even happy!). You will also feel less stressed out!

Don't let that kind of comments get you... don't let that nasty people win! They want to make you feel bad, and if you show them that you're actually affected by what they say, then you will make their day. Sadly some people are like that... you gotta learn to deal with that and not to care at all

 

[Wizard]

As the saying goes. "You cannot please everybody so just please yourself"

[MENTION=1395]Hannah[/MENTION] in this case, it seems that one or both were jealous of you. It is possible that the guy said something nice about you and his girl reacted badly, so he had to try to save face.

In reality it is a normal thing for a male to look at and admire a girls body. In the same way that many girls like looking at a good looking guy.

Opposites attract and I am sure that despite his comments he was actually admiring you!

 

[waqas]

[MENTION=1395]Hannah[/MENTION] Personally speaking I am from a very conservative society and 9 out 10 people that I meet on a daily basis judge you on what you wear, do, how you act etc. In my humble opinion all you can realistically do is not care what others think. I do understand that it is way more harder than it sounds but "realistically" this is all you can do. The guy you mentioned does not matter at all in the larger context of your life but even so he is entitled to say whatever he pleases to say - basic human right. So logically what can you do about it? If I were you I would adopt the mantra "Sunno Sabki Karo Apni" this translates to "Hear Everyone, Do whatever YOU please" and trust me once you stop giving a **** of what others say/think you would personally feel very confident and always have a positive body language.

 

[Smooth]

They want to make you feel bad, and if you show them that you're actually affected by what they say, then you will make their day.

This.
Never allow another person to have that kind of power over you. You allowed the twit in the park to affect you, just because he didn't approve of your choice of clothing. I'm sorry, did you ask for or need his or anyone else's permission? Of course you didn't. Other people really DO suck so much that the only way they can feel better about themselves and their sad little lives is to know they have some power over another person, even if that person is a total stranger. Why give the prick that kind of satisfaction? He didn't earn it!
Like I said before; you'll decide later in life who matters and who doesn't; you'll decide whose opinions count, and I can guarantee that this judgmental dork and his sissified girlfriend won't matter in the slightest to you.

 

[buysell-browse]

Hannah, I see you're from Great Britain, where it's rather chilly and people wear heavy garments most of the year. Come to tropical Miami Beach, where it's always sunny and nice - you'll feel overdressed in your crop top.

Hope that makes you feel better. People behave differently in different cultures.