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Momof2girls

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I don't know too much about the subject, but have been questioned a few time about it. Obviously the situation is the reason it has been brought up. I was talking to someone and he mentioned that he can not get me out of my depression. I said I didn't feel depressed, but I do have my sad moments. Didn't really think too much into it until last night and a BIL mentioned me being depressed. I told him the same thing about not being depressed, but having sad moments. He did ask if I someone felt that I was depressed and would say something would I listen. I said yes, but still thinking that I am not depressed. As I said before I am bored and lonesome. I don't need someone 24/7, but nice to look forward to something. I honestly think that sometimes people don't think I am depressed enough. I live with this everyday and will admit I get tired of it. I will never forget, but some days it I like to put it on the back burner so to speak.
 
Honey you have every reason to feel whatever it is you're feeling. I wouldn't wait too long though before talking to a professional out it. I take a daily "happy" pill for depression which has done wonders. I don't feel different or weird, just not depressed.

Good luck babe. :huggy:
 
it is really hard to truly admit it. I made my mom get on depression medicine for everything that was going on. Shes has colon cancer and after my dad passed over 11 years ago, she cries and also says she not depressed. It was really tough for her to take the pills, but she is. Her attitude is much better when she takes them. Best of luck.
 
Depression can really manifest itself in so many different ways. It doesn't mean just being sad. It usually has other symptoms like lethargy, anorexia or over-eating, excessive alcohol use, Suicidal thoughts... I'm sure most people are aware.

If you are feeling "just" sad, that's part of the greiving process. Regardless, like mrsmom said, talking with someone WILL help, with time and possibly with medication too. How are you with your girls? Still feeling the motivation to take care of them and do things with them? If you say no, that doesn't make you a bad mother, it's another reminder that you're a grieving widow and that could be a push for you to find some help on your 'recovery journey' so to speak.

:huggy:
 
The criteria for depression differ on the level of depression, You can have anything from a single episode to recurring to dysthymic disorder. In an effort to encourage you to talk to someone who you can share EVERYTHING going on with, I will not discuss the criteria with you, but please simply make an appointment and ask about it. There are many ways to treat depression that do not include medication, if that is a concern.

ETA: are the girls seeing someone? Maybe you can simply look at a few family sessions to makes sure everyone is processing everything that has happened as much as possible
 
mrsred1 said:
Depression can really manifest itself in so many different ways. It doesn't mean just being sad. It usually has other symptoms like lethargy, anorexia or over-eating, excessive alcohol use, Suicidal thoughts... I'm sure most people are aware.

If you are feeling "just" sad, that's part of the greiving process. Regardless, like mrsmom said, talking with someone WILL help, with time and possibly with medication too. How are you with your girls? Still feeling the motivation to take care of them and do things with them? If you say no, that doesn't make you a bad mother, it's another reminder that you're a grieving widow and that could be a push for you to find some help on your 'recovery journey' so to speak.

:huggy:
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Honestly I have no problems with the girls. I know I am not perfect, but they are taken care of. I have actually been told that I am taking good care of them. I have times where I get frustrated with them, but that is from the 24/7 time we spend together. It doesn't really have to do with the loss of him, but the loss of alone time. It's like being recharged so to speak, 30 minutes away from them helps me regroup. I actually miss them when I am away from them too long. We spend the night, all 3 of us, out at my BIL/SIL house.

I don't believe in suicide because I don't believe you go to heaven. I will admit some days I don't think about it, but have a hard time thinking about going to heaven. I also can see the pain the girls have from loosing him that I know I couldn't do it to them. I am always tired, but that is just from being super busy now. The eating as changed since I don't eat out as much I have lost some weight. The alcohol use isn't excessive, but it is there. We have get togethers and some of his family needs liquid courage. I personally drink, but never to the point of getting sloppy or not being able to function the next day. I can't really say that it is more often, but alot of it comes from just finding reasons to get together. I was able to take my oldest to a party where they had a pool. I could have said I was only going to go and then be able to drink, but chose to take her. So my mindset was not to get drunk and she was my reason for going. So I can make the choice not to drink. Some of the inlaws are very protective and they like to throw in a little jealousy.
 
Like others have said there are different "symptoms" of being depressed. Keep taking it day by day and whomever said you were depressed have them look after you, but also keep what they are saying in perspective. Are they too close to the situation to be objective? I have depression. Most people would never know that by talking to me, looking at me, etc. I too take a happy pill. It doesn't block the pain, but it helps to make sure the pain doesn't become overwhelming. I still get happy, sad, mad, excited, but the pill keeps me from being on the wild roller coaster ride.
It won't hurt to talk to a doctor. Have them talk through depression and the options with you. Then follow up in a few weeks and let someone else decide how you are handling things. You do want to get help sooner rather than later.
 
My attitude is "it couldn't hurt to talk to someone." If people close to you are questioning how you're doing, maybe they are recognizing subtle changes that you aren't. Maybe those changes are perfectly natural and harmless, but maybe they aren't. Starting with a family session, like Mrs. Melton suggested might be a great route to go. If the professional is concerned, then continue with individual sessions. Don't be afraid to ask for help, even just help processing everything.
 
Really you have to ask yourself if you are able to function, if you are having a hard time doing what needs to be done you may need something. Talking to someone is a great idea. I know after my sister passed my mom was not the same for a year, obviously who would be? But her "sadness" has passed (i remember thinking that it would not). What helped her the most was just allowing herself the grieving time and reading a ton of grieving books.
 
HUGS to you! This is a very tough time in your life and I wouldn't blame you for feeling sad! I agree w/what many others have said..you have to decide if you think you are having any trouble functioning or just don't feel right. I agree that some counseling sessions may be beneficial for the whole family. But again that is up to you! Again if I lived closer I would totally meet you for coffee...take each day as it comes and again HUGS to you!
 
kewpon addict said:
HUGS to you! This is a very tough time in your life and I wouldn't blame you for feeling sad! I agree w/what many others have said..you have to decide if you think you are having any trouble functioning or just don't feel right. I agree that some counseling sessions may be beneficial for the whole family. But again that is up to you! Again if I lived closer I would totally meet you for coffee...take each day as it comes and again HUGS to you!
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I guess that is the thing, I think I am functioning quite well with all things considered. The family that questions my depression is the one that I spend most of my time with. I don't skip out on anything with them. The "firsts" can be the hardest. I figured if I was unconsolable years from now then it would be an issue and it very well could happen.

There are times I get overwhelmed. I have kind of gotten past the alone time anger. The running to the store when I ever wanted to without them was a major thing, but since I went back to work and really after my dd went back to school after spring break things seemed to improve.

I appreaciate the offer for coffee. Sometimes people can say the same thing over and over, but it is that one person that says something that means the world.
 
I think sometimes after a loss like this, the family flails around to put a "name" on the changes it brings to those most affected.

Of course you a different, your husband passed. Your whole life has changed. You of course are not the same as you were.

If you are accomplishing your acts of daily living I personally think you are OK. Unless I myself were to slip into despair, or couldn't focus on my daily activities, I'm not sure I would want a drug to steal my grief.

It is OK to be sad. It is also OK to need a prescription to deal with it, or not need a prescription to deal with it.

If you need someone you "don't know" to talk to & help work thru it, every single church offers grief counseling and groups, and any pastor would talk with you as many times as you need, at no charge, and most have groups of volunteers who will be available to talk also, as many times and for as long as you need. You don't need to be a member, or be religious, etc. Sometimes it really helps to have "unknown" people who didn't know you "before" to help work through what you have going on.

:hug:
 
I have had a number of health issues for a long time. Recently I changed drs. He suggested putting me on zoloft for what the drs call fibromyalgia (but it really means I have no idea, are you sure its not in your head, smh). I am not a depressed person per say but have always had a difficult life and have always been anti anti depressant. For some reason I listened to this dr and tried what he said. While all my symptoms are still there (extreme pain, etc) I just feel better, people have noticed a big change in me and I am getting way better sleep at night. Don't know if I would stay on them forever, but for now hard as it is for me to admit, they have helped me a lot. Good luck. It is hard being a single mom even if you have a great support network. Talking to someone I think would be the best thing for you.
 
I want to stress again, there are treatments outside of drugs for depression. Not saying one is better than the other, but saying I dont want you to think that you are doing well enough to "not use drugs" so why talk to someone. Simply having someone to bounce your thoughts off of can help tremendously.
 
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