i have a baby and im unmarried i plan on having more children and i just wanted to have everyones opinion on how long i should wait to have more children after im married.
how long should a married couple wait to have children
- Thread starter nolosas
- Start date
Well I do have a comment but it's more I think couples need to do what is right for them at the time. Normally I'd say between 2 and 4 years but lately peopel have been getting married at such a late time in their lives and it's not healthy for a woman to have children in the later 30's...not that they can't but more complications can arise. :D
I would say it really depends on a the couple. I have never believed in set amounts of time for anything. Kids come when your ready for them, while 2 years sounds like a good number to me, you might not be ready untill 8 years . . . So go with your gut is the best advice I can give (although Ive never been in that situation before so its not like I can talk)
i had two teachers in high school who were married (to each other) fairly late in life
these are two of the greatest people i know, and as soon as they were married they started having kids. they had three within four years, three of the greatest kids i've ever known.
this is all my roundabout way of saying that good people should have good kids, soon and often, to try to diminish the portion of the population that's made up of idiots
i think when i get married i'll start having kids more or less right away, but i really can't project what the situation will be then. more than likely i'll have a million dollars of college debt to pay off, so who knows
these are two of the greatest people i know, and as soon as they were married they started having kids. they had three within four years, three of the greatest kids i've ever known.
this is all my roundabout way of saying that good people should have good kids, soon and often, to try to diminish the portion of the population that's made up of idiots
i think when i get married i'll start having kids more or less right away, but i really can't project what the situation will be then. more than likely i'll have a million dollars of college debt to pay off, so who knows
I would have said that you should wait sufficiently long to know that the marriage is strong enough to survive on it's own without the factor of children/more children involved.
I'm in your situation. My son is currently two, and I'm getting married in October. Justin and I plan on waiting about 2 years. Of course, this is for a few reasons: he has a travelling job, and after 2 years, he isn't *required* to travel anymore - he can transfer; Jason (my son) will be old enough to entertain himself a bit more than he can now; and finally, the marriage will have had a bit of time to settle. That being said, I agree with everyone else in that you have to just sort of wait and see. You might be ready immediately. You might be ready 10 years down the road. Good luck.
G
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Guest
Agreed that it depends -
It depends on a number of factors.
Like with Mthrlangl - let everything settle down first. For example, she's considered the factors of her husband's traveling, Jason, etc...
As for me, I'm geting married soon too, then I gotta pay off student loans, save $ ,buy a house,, my career, think about if I'll stay home, take family leave, etc.
Age is certainly one factor as well.
It depends on a number of factors.
Like with Mthrlangl - let everything settle down first. For example, she's considered the factors of her husband's traveling, Jason, etc...
As for me, I'm geting married soon too, then I gotta pay off student loans, save $ ,buy a house,, my career, think about if I'll stay home, take family leave, etc.
Age is certainly one factor as well.
Everyone is different, thus every marriage is different. What my husband and I decide to do works for us. The key is to find out what works for you and your significant other. Love, honest communication, and respect for each other is always the key factor to making good decisions in marriage/relationships.
Whatever the two of you decide, I wish you the best!:loveeyes:
Whatever the two of you decide, I wish you the best!:loveeyes:
and as far as "once you know your marriage is lasting"
I think that can only be said by someone who's never been married...I think as much as you can love someone, trust them, care for them, you NEVER EVER know for sure it's lasting. You could wake up tomorrow and find you've said your last good nights.
I think that can only be said by someone who's never been married...I think as much as you can love someone, trust them, care for them, you NEVER EVER know for sure it's lasting. You could wake up tomorrow and find you've said your last good nights.
Actually, I disagree. I'm married, and I was going to make the same comment. If your marriage isn't solid without kids, having them is NOT going to make it better.
I agree with what Alyth posted. I personally would want to wait 2-4 years into the marriage. When it comes down to having kids after marriage, you want to take into consideration on if your marriage is stable and the age that you are when you want to start having kids. 
I wouldn't wait at all. The truth is that you never have enough money for kids if you don't live on a budget.
The longer you wait, the harder it is to have children and the more complications you have.
The younger you are, the more energy you have. And besides, if you have all of your kids by 25, you can have them all out of the house before you are 50. You'll also be young enough to enjoy grandchildren.
The longer you wait, the harder it is to have children and the more complications you have.
The younger you are, the more energy you have. And besides, if you have all of your kids by 25, you can have them all out of the house before you are 50. You'll also be young enough to enjoy grandchildren.
Marriage
By the very virtue of your asking us for our opinions on how soon is too soon to be having children, I don't think you are ready to have a second child. You shouldn't have to find consolation and support in your decision to have a second child from us, you ought to be fully spirited and prepared on your own. So to answer your question, wait until you are ready - and if you don't know if you are ready yet, then you are not ready.
By the very virtue of your asking us for our opinions on how soon is too soon to be having children, I don't think you are ready to have a second child. You shouldn't have to find consolation and support in your decision to have a second child from us, you ought to be fully spirited and prepared on your own. So to answer your question, wait until you are ready - and if you don't know if you are ready yet, then you are not ready.
I have to say that I totally disagree with this. I think I would've been far, FAR better off having children when I was older. Not that I'd give up Jason for the world, but even if I was married when I had him, 19 is much too young to be having children. Quite frankly, the younger you are, the more immature you are (as a general rule). I know I don't have quite the patience level I should; I would still occaisionally like to act my age (22, fyi); I'd like to have fewer responsibilities. It would've also been nice to have more time with Justin with just the two of us. (Granted, I highly doubt we'd be together if circumstances had been different, but you know what I mean.) I very firmly believe that you need to have at least *some* time by yourself and/or with your spouse before you introduce a new little person into the picture. I'm not saying it can't work out (it is for me), but don't push it for the sake of "timing."
As for the "enjoying your grandchildren" bit. My mom's 59, and Daddy's about to turn um..65. They enjoy the HELL out of Jason.
G
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I'm with mthrlangl-
Most (not all of course) 20-25 y/o's these days are financially struggling, even if they do have a "budget". They need time to save $, unless their parents are still supporting them. Some have student loans or other debts, or are still learning how to save money (starting IRA's, etc).
Some people in this category (i.e. my brother) who got married young and had kids, have never been able to have the time to sock away a significant amount of money. Not that he's in terrible debt, but it's a game of "never catching up" at this point, b/c there are always unforseen expenses with kids, illness, the house, etc. Then of course college. Of course he loves the kids, but he now realizes that he probably should have waited.
Most (not all of course) 20-25 y/o's these days are financially struggling, even if they do have a "budget". They need time to save $, unless their parents are still supporting them. Some have student loans or other debts, or are still learning how to save money (starting IRA's, etc).
Some people in this category (i.e. my brother) who got married young and had kids, have never been able to have the time to sock away a significant amount of money. Not that he's in terrible debt, but it's a game of "never catching up" at this point, b/c there are always unforseen expenses with kids, illness, the house, etc. Then of course college. Of course he loves the kids, but he now realizes that he probably should have waited.
G
Guest
Guest
My opinion as a young kid with no kids and no real responsibilities except school:
First and foremost, finish ALL your schooling-- Don't go to college while having kids, granted it could work but it complicates things that don't need to be complicated. When your in college and in grad school you have to focus on your studies not a screaming baby.
Make sure you have emotionally stabalized yourself in your marriage, meaning you are no longer going through the "Should he move in with me" or vice versa stage.
Also you should financially stabalize yourself. Some people say love is all that matters but when your in debt and in a bind money causes unecessary problems that can hurt an otherwise, good marriage.
Make sure you have your career started and are on a good pace, pay off your debts, get a home, and make sure you are MATURE.
I hate to say it but a good income could make or break a marriage.
First and foremost, finish ALL your schooling-- Don't go to college while having kids, granted it could work but it complicates things that don't need to be complicated. When your in college and in grad school you have to focus on your studies not a screaming baby.
Make sure you have emotionally stabalized yourself in your marriage, meaning you are no longer going through the "Should he move in with me" or vice versa stage.
Also you should financially stabalize yourself. Some people say love is all that matters but when your in debt and in a bind money causes unecessary problems that can hurt an otherwise, good marriage.
Make sure you have your career started and are on a good pace, pay off your debts, get a home, and make sure you are MATURE.
I hate to say it but a good income could make or break a marriage.
You must have a solid foundation, otherwise it is not fair to the child and will doom the relationship. There is never a "right" or "correct" time to have a child, they are so much work, that whenever the mood hits you, you should listen. Never underestimate the work that is required to raise a child(ren).
