The first thing I think I would like to learn to do is web pages, and once I learned how to do that, I think I might put up a website which featured some of my artwork and the place where I grew up as a kid. I can buy the Dreamweaver* software for a fairly decent price right now, and I have been seriously considering doing that, but I am not a computer person (actually I am not a person at all, I am an alien, but I almost look like a real person and so far it seems to be working). A friend told me this particular software was the easiest one to learn, but for him very complicated things come fairly easy as he is basically a serious nerd.
I've noticed that if you cruise the net you will see thousands of really badly designed and or downright hokey websites which are put up by what appear to be well-meaning individuals....who like me, probably had little or no experience designing websites...Is it really that hard to do a decent job on something like this?
The second thing I would like to learn to do is get to know a few of these nice attractive human females better. One thing I can say for you earthlings, the opposite sex here is much much nicer than the average alien variety. Don't misunderstand me here...some alien girls are ok, but after a while the same old slime gets kinda old, and alien girls have scaley rough skin which looks and feels more like one of your iguanas, and they have these disgusting tails which keep gettin' in the way when....well, let's just say they're gross.
I had mine amputated by a plastic surgeon from India who claims he once operated on Michael Jackson's nose. It's (my tail, not Mikey's snozzle) in a jar of formaldehyde which is kept here on top of my computer to remind me of my alien roots. I am also currently undergoing extensive skin-bleaching treatments, but so far these are not working so well. I am no longer a rich medium alien green. In fact, I am closer to a very light lime sherbert green with some spotting and flaking, but the sun tan lotion and vitamin E supplements are helping me to cope. I guess what I really would like to do most is mutate into a mature, sensitive, fully functioning human being who has his own website, a sexy human girlfriend, and a late model BMW or Lexus...a jacuzzi would be nice too.
