Hello all 
The advice section is in need of some postin' and I'd like to give some advice on something that I've experienced and I know others are dealing with too all over the world.
Long Distance Relationships can be extremely difficult, tiring and straining on both partners despite the love between them. In fact, the more they love each other the harder it becomes because wanting to be with that person every day and not being able to is the most frustrating and heart breaking experience I have lived and am living. There has to be a lot of love, dedication, commitment, communication and patience from both sides to make any relationship work, not just LDR so you must keep in mind that although it sounds silly, it is a lot of hard work to make sure you keep your relationship flowing but the main thing is that it's all worth it in the end
I've been in a LDR for a year and 7 months now and everything is going dandy thanks to the effort that me and Kirk have put into seeing each other.
Now, I understand my relationship isn't exactly typical of everyone's situation as I get to see my other half every 2-3 weeks, occasionally once a month which kills. Some people have to deal with not seeing their other half for months or even years at a time which must be really, really hard to maintain. I'm here offering some tips on how to stay together when you're not together.
No, I don't mean explore each other literally as that of course is the very, very, very short distance part of the relationship. What I mean is that when you're talking, texting or even sending each other letters, try asking questions. It doesn't matter how simple or random a question may be but ask something about them personally that you'd like to know. I'm not really trying to say you should start by asking them personal, uncomfortable questions but questions such as, "What's your favourite food/colour/game/film/book?", "Do you prefer dogs or cats?" or if you're really, really daring, "What are your thoughts on marriage or kids?" although that last one might be a bit scary if you haven't been dating very long.
Further Exploration:
Just because you're many miles apart doesn't mean that you can't partake in some fun activities together! There are masses of things available online to allow you and your distant lover to spend some quality time together. Here are some you can consider!
Watch a film together
Websites such as Netflix and LoveFilm will allow both of you to sit and enjoy a film or programme together with just a few clicks. The subscriptions are relatively cheap and I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind if you let them use it too! Personally I think it's something I'd love to try out with Kirk so we can tick off some films-we-wan't-to-watch-together off the list!
Skype
Skype is a perfect way to stay in touch with your loved one if you're the type of person who needs to hear their voice and see their face to keep your feelings alive. Interacting over Skype is fun and offers you the opportunity to chat and catch up with each other about their day as well as use the previous suggestion of exploring each other's personalities! A bad day is often fixed with a quick (or long) conversation with your other half there to cheer you up.
Warning: Desire to cuddle will increase even more.
Gifts
Now we all know that buying your way to someone's heart is never really a great way to go, after all, who likes gold diggaz?!?!
Ahem, however to show the extent of your love a bouquet of flowers or even just a rose or a love letter go a long way, especially if you're a hopeless romantic like me. Alternatively you can buy your girlfriend a PC or computer games, lots of cuddly toys...romantic jewellery, novelty items, cards......thanks Kirk n_n
Being spoiled by your partner is always very special because of the thought your partner has put into the gift. Remember, don't make it a way to fix arguments or try to get them back if they break up with you. Presents are special and don't need to be overdone or used as a tool to hold the relationship together. The thought of receiving a long soppy text message is far better than an expensive pair of earrings or a new watch just because you fell out.
Play Games
Gaming is a fun and time filling way of spending quality time with your loved one. You can do this over Skype for enhanced fun!
If you're both gamers you can look at using sites such as Steam, Xbox Live or even small flash games such as on OmgPop.com (me and Kirk rather did enjoy Draw My Thing)
Remember though, your relationship is more important than your gamer profile or big ego. No falling out with each other because you get too competitive! Falling out over games is best done when you're together and can play wrestle to work it out! ;P
Make a Website
This example is perfect because this is exactly what me and Kirk have done. VOILA! It certainly helps us in the sense it feels like we're working on something together rather than on our own individually but rather we're both cooperating on a project that we don't need to be together for to do. It's lots of fun. I'd suggest creating a blog though if you're not willing to put too much time, effort (or money) into it.
Read a Book or Listen to Music
Listening to the same music or reading the same book is a great way to connect, share ideas and swap interests and opinions. You might find you're total opposites in that respect, but you've got some nice variety that way too. I personally enjoyed conferring with Kirk over The Hunger Games and The Walking Dead comics. It's great hearing what the other has to say about something you have a strong opinion on!
Want some more ideas?
This website, Loving From A Distance is dedicated to helping couples reach a happy relationship balance.
These are two very important factors to a relationship and need to be worked on continuously throughout your time together as a couple.
Trust is something you have to earn, of course, but being insecure within your relationship is never very helpful. I myself am guilty of sometimes being a bit jealous, wary or even defensive or possessive and although I recognize those things as negative, I think that for a lot of people these feelings are normal. It's perfectly okay to hate the way that girl talks to your man or the way that boy looks at your girl, you should tell your partner. No relationship can work without trust, or at least not for very long, and the best thing to do is to talk to your partner about how you feel. It's not that you don't trust them or that you think they'll cheat but the thought of anyone imposing on your love whilst you're not there to man the goalposts can be very unnerving. You partner, if understanding, should take this into account and make an effort not to be too insensitive and be wary of not giving the other person the wrong idea. If your partner comes to you with a concern, you should try you best not to be offended or insulted but reassuring and sensitive.
Finally, commitment. A lot of people are often frighted of the thought of commitment and what I have to say to those people is; Do Not enter a relationship EVER if you're not ready to commit. You're going to break someone's heart and hurt feelings. You should never enter a relationship if you feel that from the start you could never be with this person for years, you could never marry or live with this person. It's just not fair to fool someone into thinking you're committed just because you enjoy the physical side of the relationship. Now I know lots of people like that part and are often unwilling to wait for it if they have to be committed first.
Faithfulness and commitment also sort of come in a hand-in-hand kind of package. Cheating isn't cool.
I know that it's not your fault if you lose feelings for your partner and it's also not your fault if you begin developing feelings for someone else. You shouldn't try to force yourself to stay in a relationship that you're not into.
Responsibility: Wanting to venture off with someone else can become your partners worst nightmare if they're insecure about losing you but cheating makes it all so much worse. Be responsible and break up if you know you don't love your partner anymore. It will be hard, it will hurt and it won't be very pleasant but this is so much better than being unfaithful and hurting that person even more, and ruining your self worth by becoming a two timer.
"They'll never have to know" is a pathetic excuse and you don't deserve anyone if you'd willingly deceive your partner. Being committed is very very important and for me, it really makes the relationship to know I can trust the one I love and that we're both very committed.
Arguments happen in every single relationship and are not the end of the world. If you find yourself in one, let it run it's course, battle it out, say how you feel. Don't break up because you think this person can't possibly be right for you because they got mad at you or did something to anger you. Fact of the matter is, long, happy relationships also involve screaming, sarcasm and maybe even the odd flying china dish or frying pan. Don't let it ruin you, learn from what you've fought over and don't forget to make up with a nice big virtual cuddle at the end of it all.
Thank you for reading this thus far. I realise it could seem rather incomplete or maybe even a tiny bit small compared to all the possibilities of making LDR's work well but hopefully I've helped anyone who may be in one. This is great for those who are also in Online Relationships and haven't met their partner at all!
The advice section is in need of some postin' and I'd like to give some advice on something that I've experienced and I know others are dealing with too all over the world.
Long Distance Relationships can be extremely difficult, tiring and straining on both partners despite the love between them. In fact, the more they love each other the harder it becomes because wanting to be with that person every day and not being able to is the most frustrating and heart breaking experience I have lived and am living. There has to be a lot of love, dedication, commitment, communication and patience from both sides to make any relationship work, not just LDR so you must keep in mind that although it sounds silly, it is a lot of hard work to make sure you keep your relationship flowing but the main thing is that it's all worth it in the end
I've been in a LDR for a year and 7 months now and everything is going dandy thanks to the effort that me and Kirk have put into seeing each other.
Now, I understand my relationship isn't exactly typical of everyone's situation as I get to see my other half every 2-3 weeks, occasionally once a month which kills. Some people have to deal with not seeing their other half for months or even years at a time which must be really, really hard to maintain. I'm here offering some tips on how to stay together when you're not together.
No, I don't mean explore each other literally as that of course is the very, very, very short distance part of the relationship. What I mean is that when you're talking, texting or even sending each other letters, try asking questions. It doesn't matter how simple or random a question may be but ask something about them personally that you'd like to know. I'm not really trying to say you should start by asking them personal, uncomfortable questions but questions such as, "What's your favourite food/colour/game/film/book?", "Do you prefer dogs or cats?" or if you're really, really daring, "What are your thoughts on marriage or kids?" although that last one might be a bit scary if you haven't been dating very long.
Further Exploration:
Just because you're many miles apart doesn't mean that you can't partake in some fun activities together! There are masses of things available online to allow you and your distant lover to spend some quality time together. Here are some you can consider!
Watch a film together
Websites such as Netflix and LoveFilm will allow both of you to sit and enjoy a film or programme together with just a few clicks. The subscriptions are relatively cheap and I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind if you let them use it too! Personally I think it's something I'd love to try out with Kirk so we can tick off some films-we-wan't-to-watch-together off the list!
Skype
Skype is a perfect way to stay in touch with your loved one if you're the type of person who needs to hear their voice and see their face to keep your feelings alive. Interacting over Skype is fun and offers you the opportunity to chat and catch up with each other about their day as well as use the previous suggestion of exploring each other's personalities! A bad day is often fixed with a quick (or long) conversation with your other half there to cheer you up.
Warning: Desire to cuddle will increase even more.
Gifts
Now we all know that buying your way to someone's heart is never really a great way to go, after all, who likes gold diggaz?!?!
Ahem, however to show the extent of your love a bouquet of flowers or even just a rose or a love letter go a long way, especially if you're a hopeless romantic like me. Alternatively you can buy your girlfriend a PC or computer games, lots of cuddly toys...romantic jewellery, novelty items, cards......thanks Kirk n_n
Being spoiled by your partner is always very special because of the thought your partner has put into the gift. Remember, don't make it a way to fix arguments or try to get them back if they break up with you. Presents are special and don't need to be overdone or used as a tool to hold the relationship together. The thought of receiving a long soppy text message is far better than an expensive pair of earrings or a new watch just because you fell out.
Play Games
Gaming is a fun and time filling way of spending quality time with your loved one. You can do this over Skype for enhanced fun!
If you're both gamers you can look at using sites such as Steam, Xbox Live or even small flash games such as on OmgPop.com (me and Kirk rather did enjoy Draw My Thing)
Remember though, your relationship is more important than your gamer profile or big ego. No falling out with each other because you get too competitive! Falling out over games is best done when you're together and can play wrestle to work it out! ;P
Make a Website
This example is perfect because this is exactly what me and Kirk have done. VOILA! It certainly helps us in the sense it feels like we're working on something together rather than on our own individually but rather we're both cooperating on a project that we don't need to be together for to do. It's lots of fun. I'd suggest creating a blog though if you're not willing to put too much time, effort (or money) into it.
Read a Book or Listen to Music
Listening to the same music or reading the same book is a great way to connect, share ideas and swap interests and opinions. You might find you're total opposites in that respect, but you've got some nice variety that way too. I personally enjoyed conferring with Kirk over The Hunger Games and The Walking Dead comics. It's great hearing what the other has to say about something you have a strong opinion on!
Want some more ideas?
This website, Loving From A Distance is dedicated to helping couples reach a happy relationship balance.
These are two very important factors to a relationship and need to be worked on continuously throughout your time together as a couple.
Trust is something you have to earn, of course, but being insecure within your relationship is never very helpful. I myself am guilty of sometimes being a bit jealous, wary or even defensive or possessive and although I recognize those things as negative, I think that for a lot of people these feelings are normal. It's perfectly okay to hate the way that girl talks to your man or the way that boy looks at your girl, you should tell your partner. No relationship can work without trust, or at least not for very long, and the best thing to do is to talk to your partner about how you feel. It's not that you don't trust them or that you think they'll cheat but the thought of anyone imposing on your love whilst you're not there to man the goalposts can be very unnerving. You partner, if understanding, should take this into account and make an effort not to be too insensitive and be wary of not giving the other person the wrong idea. If your partner comes to you with a concern, you should try you best not to be offended or insulted but reassuring and sensitive.
Finally, commitment. A lot of people are often frighted of the thought of commitment and what I have to say to those people is; Do Not enter a relationship EVER if you're not ready to commit. You're going to break someone's heart and hurt feelings. You should never enter a relationship if you feel that from the start you could never be with this person for years, you could never marry or live with this person. It's just not fair to fool someone into thinking you're committed just because you enjoy the physical side of the relationship. Now I know lots of people like that part and are often unwilling to wait for it if they have to be committed first.
Faithfulness and commitment also sort of come in a hand-in-hand kind of package. Cheating isn't cool.
I know that it's not your fault if you lose feelings for your partner and it's also not your fault if you begin developing feelings for someone else. You shouldn't try to force yourself to stay in a relationship that you're not into.
Responsibility: Wanting to venture off with someone else can become your partners worst nightmare if they're insecure about losing you but cheating makes it all so much worse. Be responsible and break up if you know you don't love your partner anymore. It will be hard, it will hurt and it won't be very pleasant but this is so much better than being unfaithful and hurting that person even more, and ruining your self worth by becoming a two timer.
"They'll never have to know" is a pathetic excuse and you don't deserve anyone if you'd willingly deceive your partner. Being committed is very very important and for me, it really makes the relationship to know I can trust the one I love and that we're both very committed.
Arguments happen in every single relationship and are not the end of the world. If you find yourself in one, let it run it's course, battle it out, say how you feel. Don't break up because you think this person can't possibly be right for you because they got mad at you or did something to anger you. Fact of the matter is, long, happy relationships also involve screaming, sarcasm and maybe even the odd flying china dish or frying pan. Don't let it ruin you, learn from what you've fought over and don't forget to make up with a nice big virtual cuddle at the end of it all.
Thank you for reading this thus far. I realise it could seem rather incomplete or maybe even a tiny bit small compared to all the possibilities of making LDR's work well but hopefully I've helped anyone who may be in one. This is great for those who are also in Online Relationships and haven't met their partner at all!
If you have any more questions about LDR's or my experiences then you may feel free to ask! Lots of people are adamant these things don't work or often turn them down for fear of failure. This is my first LDR and will be my last, I have never done anything like this before (ask my parents, it gave them a bit of a shock) and honestly I would do it all over again if I went back in time. It's important to understand that when you meet that person it really doesn't matter what their address is.
I have had a lot of people say to me, "Well...if it's so hard, why don't you break up and date someone closer?" or "Well you're the one who fell in love over the internet with someone living so far away". Here's your answer.
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