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meowmeow

meowmeow

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I guess boys too.....

My DD is 9 and an only child. She has NEVER spent one night away from DH and me (not even by a relative.) Never had a need or desire for her too (nor did she.) She has had many of sleepovers at our house with quite a few of her friends/cousins. No one has ever pressured her until now.

DD has a friend that has slept here a few times. We have included her in trips to the mall and the zoo. We invited her last year to DD's birthday party and EOS pool party. She spent New Years Eve here for a sleepover with DD and a few other friends. Always seemed fine.

Well she invited DD over for a sleepover this past weekend which DD said yes to, but as the time drew closer to go, DD went into full panic mode. Mind you, I had her packed and ready to go. She was very nervous and pacing the floor. She pulled me aside and asked if she could go for a playdate and come home to go to bed. I asked the mother if that was reasonable and she said no, not tonight.

She did attempt a sleepover a couple of years ago by another friends house which resulted in DH picking her up at midnight.

Anyway, on to the part that is driving me insane. THE MOTHER of the other girl is pitching a fit. She sent me a text telling me that I should have made my DD follow through with her "promise" to sleepover at their house. She said my DD has disappointed her DD on several occasions because she will not sleepover. This is the only real invite. It has been mentioned in passing, in joking, whatever, but I have ALWAYS said DD is a nervous Nelly. She doesn't want to sleepover anywhere.

I tell ALL of her friends/parents she will sleepover when SHE is ready. I will not force her.

I remember when I was in third grade, I attempted my first sleepover which resulted in me having dry heaves from nerves on my girlfriends living room floor. My mom came and got me. Just as my mom thought - I OUT GREW IT.

Am I the only one that thinks this mother is pushy? My DD's friend is now causing problems in school (well at least trying to. Fortunately, DD is very popular.) They are in the same class and she barely talks to DD and is trying to turn her friends against her by bad mouthing DD. THANK THE LORD it is not working. Upon leaving school yesterday, DD waved to this mother and she purposely did not acknowledge DD.

It's sad because the girl will talk nice to DD and then turn mean.

I honestly think it is the girl's mother telling her to be disrespectful to DD.

Am I the only one who doesn't see it as a problem that DD got nervous and could not sleepover. Surely, my DD cannot be alone!?!?!?!

Sorry so long and thank you for reading. I guess this was kind of a vent, but I was also looking for opinions.
 
Little girls and their moms can be so mean

If your daughter is not comfortable she should not be pushed into it

My sons didnt have sleep overs, except for family until at least 8th grade.

Maybe have her stay by a grandparent one night if she wants
 
She is 9? Many parents CHOOSE not to do sleepovers that young. It is NICE that they are comfortable allowing their child at your house over night....but if your child isn't ready to reciprocate...they need to get over it.

IMO, the other mom COULD be choosing to HELP her daughter to be ok with this....but is choosing drama instead and it is too bad for her daughter that is the choice she is making.
 
The mom is being a self absorbed **** and she is raising her daughter to think that the world revolves around her. You absolutely did the right thing respecting your daughters feelings. She could tell her friend that she was sorry to disappoint her.
 
I think it is perfectly acceptable for your daughter not to be ready, but I will also add that when you mentioned your hesitation as a child, I do wonder if you might have self-consciously encouraged the same hesitation of your daughter through the years.

But if you did or didn't, that bears nothing on the fact that your daughter is not ready and that is just it. IF your daughter is ready to make the step, I would suggest maybe doing some mock things at home and role playing to prepare her and to encourage her to try with lots of enthusiasm, but that is ONLY if she is ready and just needs the extra push. She is 9, not 19...she has plenty of time.
 
Thank you all.

I have encouraged her and never discouraged her to sleepover anywhere. I do think that the fact that she has never been away from DH or me one night might be part of the nerves. DD does not even know about my sleepover experience.

DD's friend did "Facetime" with her right after I sent the initial text to her mother that DD could not do a sleepover. DD apologized for disappointing her friend. Her friend did an "air hug" and said it was ok.

So what happened after that???? Psycho Momma must be telling her it's not ok.

I totally agree the mother likes the drama and should be supporting her daughter in understanding the situation.
 
My dd's are 7 and 4. Do to certain circumstances they have needed to sleepover at family homes. Never were they nervous because it was stated at a fairly young age. It is rare they sleep over seprately. As for a friend it would be when they are ready and no pressure. I prefer for my kids to be at home. Being the only one home and having two kids I also need to make sure that all 3 get along. If I was the mother I would explain to my dd what the issues are and leave it at that. You are willing to come and pick her up it's not like you cancelled completely.
 
DD's friend told her that she is not allowed over here anymore for play dates or sleepovers until DD sleeps at their house.

DD said she doesn't want to even try to sleep there anymore.

On top of that, I honestly feel if DD did try another sleepover the mother would NOT call me if my DD wanted to come home.
 
I'm not sure why she couldn't still go over there for awhile? Especially if you were willing to pick her up. The mom is being a ****, and encouraging her dd to do the same. We've been on the other side of it. Ds is about the same age as your dd. He has a friend who he hangs out with quite a bit. Ds has sleptover at his friend's house, but his friend has never slept at a friends house and is not comfortable with it. Yes, ds was bummed about it, but I tried to make it not seem like a big deal. We still invite the friend over, he can eat at our house, and then I drive him home. I also let ds have a different friend sleep over. If the friend ever decides he's ready he's welcome to, I'm not going to push it.
 
meowmeow said:
DD's friend told her that she is not allowed over here anymore for play dates or sleepovers until DD sleeps at their house
Click to expand...

OK, this is just pathological. Do NOT EVER trust this woman with your child.

Baby has never slept over at a friends' and he is 14-1/2.

Had intermittent bedwetting until he was 10, after that age he says "they stay up too late." He likes an orderly bedtime.

Kids are all different. Yours is ok :)
 
Am I reading too much into it? WHY are they insisting so much? Just makes me wonder...

Most parents move on. UGH!
 
No, that is very weird.

If it were me I would be bumping back. HARD. Hard enough to make her realize that she sounds like a ****ing pedophile for gosh sakes.

So weird!!!
 
I see red flags all over that lady. If she's that pushy about the sleepover, how pushy is she gonna be with your daughter when she's there?
 
meowmeow said:
Am I reading too much into it? WHY are they insisting so much? Just makes me wonder...

Most parents move on. UGH!
Click to expand...
.....and when your instinct tells you something isn't right with this, listen to it. That mother sounds like she has problems and I wouldn't want my child under her supervision. Always better to be safe then sorry with the protection of your children.
 
Agreed, she is crazy....I would never, ever make a big deal if a child did not want to sleep over....I would be telling them to stay as long as they are comfortable...have fun and if you need to call mom to get picked up that is fine.....My DD still does not like to sleep at friends house...she thinks that it is stupid to stay up all night talking smack about other girls.

IMO...this mother thinks that everybody should want to sleep there and be with her daughter...because the world revolves around her kid. A lot of kids like to sleep in their own beds...it's safe, warm and comfortable....
 
I think she is one of those moms that can't allow her child a little disappointment....even though it is GOOD for our kids to find out they can't have EVERYTHING they want.

She is pissed because she can't fix it....no matter how she is pushing it on you.

When she grows up and learns to TEACH HER CHILD that sometimes plans don't work out and we adjust and move on she will be giving her child a much better gift than a forced sleepover will ever be.
 
That other mom is crazy and to tell you the truth I wouldn't let my DD stay at her house even if she were ready.

She has no wisdom or empathy. I wouldn't trust her EVER!
 
I think your DD is still really young, and that it is perfectly fine that she isn't ready to sleep over at other people's houses yet. I didn't read all of the replies, but I did read tuppermom's & totally agree that that woman is raising her daughter to be a self-centered ****. It's called COMPASSION & she should get some for herself & her daughter.

I cannot tell you how many "stomach ache" calls I've received over the years at 10pm, midnight, 2am from daughters who thought they were up for a sleepover. We have hosted WAY more than we've attended. DD14 was at a friend's a few weeks ago & I got the 1am text & thought, "Here we go!" Fortunately she stayed (text wasn't to come home, whew!) but I would've driven the 45 minutes to get her.

Pat your DD on the back & congratulate her for not CAVING to the pressure & doing something that makes her uncomfortable. That'll go alongggggggg way in 5-6-7 years when some dumb boy is after her.
 
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