What's new
By:
Filters

My guy friends get the wrong idea

C

Coconut

New Talker
PF Member
Messages
7
Reaction score
0
Points
33
This is a bit complicated. As with most people I flirt with members of the opposite sex. It is just something that happens, sometimes it is controlled but most of the time it is by accident. This happens in coffee shops, stores, with customers, but mostly with my male friends. Ever since high school most of my guy friends have developed feelings for me because they get the idea that I like them, in a "more than friends" kind of way, then they ask me out and if I say no then things get weird. But I have a tendancy to laugh and be a generally friendly person with everyone and I have mentioned this to my girl friends and they haven't noticed anything. However, my guy friends all think that I flirt with them. Now I have trying to curb my flirting but I am not going to change my personality to a cold **** in order to avoid stupid misunderstandings.
This misunderstanding has happened recently to a really good friend of mine. We have known eachother for a long time, and we hung out a lot, went on a roadtrip together (slept in seperate beds) he would stay over and my place and me at his, again in seperate beds. But I always knew that he had feelings for me, but I didn't know how to deal with it, or maybe I didn't want the same that had happened to other friendships to happen to this one. So I ignored it. I moved away, a couple of hours driving, and I told him that I knew about his feelings for me for a while. He got mad at me and we had a fight. Well we haven't talked for a month, I used that month to really think about it, and now I want to meet him and talk to him. I still don't feel that way towards him, and he told me he stopped having those feelings, so why can't we be friends again. He says he doesn't want to talk to me until I have sorted things out. Well I have and now I want to renew our friendship.

I am at a lost as to what I should do.

Help if you can
 
Just be frank with people and tell them the truth. Make sure they know you just want to be friends. Personnaly I don't understand how you can accidentally flirt with somone.
 
Warning to women: men live for sex. I would wager that the vast majority of males would sleep with their female "friends". I would also wager that most men who are "friends" with woman do so in hopes of some day getting to have sex with them. I suspect that these "alterior motives" are the driving factor for men when it comes to friendships with women.
 
Score 1 for GoingNova. :applaus: It's the simple Men are from Mars, Women are from that place that guys never admit they get lost trying to find and won't ask for directions for because we're not lost. :D The problem isn't you. The problem that he's a guy and you're, probably, a cute girl. Until a man has found his "one", some jerks even afterwards, a guy sees all lovely and nice females as prospects for relationships, especially when they are a close nit group. Having a female that a guy doesn't have feelings for usually denotes a sibling bond where he sees you as a sister and just can't fathom it. The funny thing is that when a guy generally has that relationship, it's usually the female that starts feeling for him first. Hence Joey from Dawson's Creek and My Best Friend's Wedding. So, don't take it personally. The bottom line is that if he really is a friend, he won't hold it against you that you don't want to let him give you a mustache ride. That's selfish and not what a real friend does. Though, if he has feelings for you, don't expect them not to be there either when you and him rekindle your friendship. That's where most women go wrong. Until he finds someone else that's, in all honesty, better than you... he'll still like you. He'll just respect your wishes and TRY not make things "funny" like before. (Notice the emphasis on "try" because any knowledgeable man... REAL man knows that all men... ARE STUPID!)
 
I do not think that men are stupid, my friends are generally smart guys. I think it all boils down to intuitiveness. I have also stayed friends with all the guys that I have gone out with. It never got weird since we both started seeing other people. I also think that because he isn't seeing anyone and I started seeing someone, it is weird.
 
I don't know the women I'm friends with I would never dream of sleeping with them. They're like my sisters.....*waits for the witty comeback* Maybe because I'm happily married ..? I don't think so, but I had a relationship with one of my friends a long time ago and it did'nt work out so maybe deep down I feel that that would be the way it would end up.
 
I don't think I'm the first guy to admit this, but often times meeting someone isn't what gets me romantically interested in them. I have a particular friend who just moved to Eastern Washington that I started to develop pretty strong feelings for, even though I've known her for at least 7 or 8 years without any feelings aside from mutual friendship. I never told her, however, because everytime we'd hang out she'd drone on and on about the dates she's been on... etc. I don't want to sound mean, but I don't particularly dig hanging out with someone who makes you depressed, even if they are cheerful and fun to be around usually. So I never joined her for drinks at the bar prior to her leaving town again...
 
No matter how much you don't want it to happen, it will. And there's nothing wrong with flirting. Don't bother changing how you live your life.

Men like women. There's nothing wrong with them fantasizing about you. It's a good thing and it's a compliment to you and your personality. You should try taking him to a bar, getting him set up with some girl and maybe he'll be on his way. Maybe he won't but then at least you'll have tried.
 
I prefer males friends. I have never had any type of non friend relationship with them and they are fine with that. It's my husband or when I was younger the guy I might be dating that had a problem with it. None of my guy friends made moves on me and neither did I. I think flirting is ok as long as certain boundaries are not crossed. But about the husband/boyfriend sometimes when they get the idea in their head that you want some other guy it's hard to knock it out of their head. Therefore it is easier for me not to have guy friends. Which in turn means I have no friends because all the girls I know are not worth the trouble of knowing either.
 
I prefer guy mates. But I'm like you coco. I'm a natural friendly person! to any sex. I just can't help it and I have had a few problems like yourself.

All I cna say is that yes men live for sex...I know that all too well. But yea, go talk to this guy, make him talk to you. Oh by the way...just because he's said I'm over...doesn't really mean that's true...guys hide alot more than we realise!!
 
I have no particular preference when it comes to male or female friends. At the moment there seems to be more female acquaintances in my life but that too can quickly change. As for harmless flirting, the jury is still out on that one. Flirting can and has gotten some into "troubled waters" especially when the other party is unable to decipher innocent come-ons from stark reality. Personally it is a game I would rather not join. Not saying it isn't OK for some, just that it can lead to many a misunderstanding and often results in one or both parties involved in the charade getting emotionally hurt. But hey what do I know, I'm just a guy.
 
I know exactly what you're saying man. I can never tell if a girl is being serious or just screwing with my head. Sometimes I think they just like bluing a guy up and then letting him sit there confused. Anybody else ever get that treatment?
 
Mustang Kitty Cat said:
I prefer males friends. I have never had any type of non friend relationship with them and they are fine with that. It's my husband or when I was younger the guy I might be dating that had a problem with it. None of my guy friends made moves on me and neither did I. I think flirting is ok as long as certain boundaries are not crossed. But about the husband/boyfriend sometimes when they get the idea in their head that you want some other guy it's hard to knock it out of their head. Therefore it is easier for me not to have guy friends. Which in turn means I have no friends because all the girls I know are not worth the trouble of knowing either.
Click to expand...

I hear ya there. Most of my friends are female, just tends to happen that way. My best friend has mostly male friends. Both of us had issues with those we tried to date who knew about our friend. We were roommates for about 10 months as well, that made it worse sometimes. She had guys who offered to 'let' her move in with them (one or two offered to set her up in her own apartment) after just the second or third date. One guy basically told her over IM that he was going to send a couple of guys he knew just out of prison to my house to 'take care of me'. I was disappointed he didn't actually try it. So we pretty much got in the habit of omitting the fact we're friends to anyone we went out with. Unfortunately this also tended to mean we couldn't hang out at clubs or bars as much either. Hopefully now that she's getting married in a week that might change a bit, her fiance seems cool.

As for the original part, yeah if they're actually friends & not just acting the part of a friend to get in a relationship (or just your pants) then they shouldn't get bent out of shape if you don't return the feelings. They might be bummed for a few days or a week but let that pass & it should be cool. The friend I mentioned above & I sat down to talk about that very thing. We both agreed not to screw up the friendship at that stage (when we were roommates) by going out even though in this case we both had an interest. If it didn't work out & still roommates it would've sucked. lol This wound up for the best in the end because things came out later on both sides that it wouldn't have worked. But we're still friends & hang out & shoot the breeze when we're able so it's cool. That reminds me, she still has a DVD set I need back. :p
 
IAmDaMax said:
I know exactly what you're saying man. I can never tell if a girl is being serious or just screwing with my head. Sometimes I think they just like bluing a guy up and then letting him sit there confused. Anybody else ever get that treatment?
Click to expand...

Yes. Yes I do. I've had a few old high-school friends who screwed with my head and left me sitting there confused after had I made an **** of myself.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top