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other peoples weddings - vent

DianeScraps

DianeScraps

Barter in the mornin, barter in the evenin, barter
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We are invited to 5 weddings this year (so far), they are all friends that we have been friends with for at least 10 years. 4 of these weddings are in the same month! Blessidly we aren't in any of the weddings, but my sister is in 2 of them, my brother is in 1 (yes, my social network of close friends also includes 2 of my 3 siblings)

I am already soooo fed up with wedding BS! We have already got a weddings that is occuring 3 hours away (and 3 hours away from the bride and groom) that the kids are not invited too. Mother's of the bride insisting that the bridal shower be a full sit down meal at a restaurant (bride and groom are NOT fancy high end people -she works in the bakery at a grocery store, he works as a security guard). Full weekend batchelor parties in another state at a casino hotel that is $300 a night. A bridal shower occuring 6 months before the wedding? Etc . . . .
 
Yeah, we were invited to a wedding in Pennsville, NJ (just over PA border) for a couple of friends whom we both adore. We've been planning to go to their wedding since they got engaged.

Got the invite, it doesn't say "no children" but the response card was Mr./Mrs. X will/will not attend and didn't say anything about number of guests. So I texted the groom and asked what was up, he confirmed no kids. I texted back that we couldn't make it then because we just moved across the country, and I know NOBODY here that I would leave Moose with overnight while we were hours away. He says yeah, he realized that when they sent the invites out and he'd ask his fiancee if Moose could come. Fiancee says no because she's already told other people no kids - which is fine, I understand. So we're not going, I'm bummed and they seem irked.

If you're having a "no kids allowed" wedding, you MUST as a courtesy, provide a babysitter room at the hotel and staff it with childcare for children that must accompany their parents for the trip. If you don't do that, don't expect your friends and family to all make it. And if you can't afford the childcare, ask the parents to chip in. It's the babysitting equivalent of a cash bar. Yeah, it's slightly tacky but I'd rather chip in for childcare close to me than skip the wedding altogether.

In general, I think the people with the "it's my special day, it's all about ME" attitude are the ones who want a wedding and not a marriage. They also happen to be in the 50% of American marriages who end in divorce!
 
I am SOOOOOO over weddings! It was fun around about 10 years before and after we got married, but now they're a PITA. If I can I just send a card and a check. DH's coworker is getting married next month in Chicago......big **** fancy pants wedding starting with a chocolate reception in the morning and ending with a ball (adults only) and we are SO not going. @@
 
eLiciafay said:
Yeah, we were invited to a wedding in Pennsville, NJ (just over PA border) for a couple of friends whom we both adore. We've been planning to go to their wedding since they got engaged.

Got the invite, it doesn't say "no children" but the response card was Mr./Mrs. X will/will not attend and didn't say anything about number of guests. So I texted the groom and asked what was up, he confirmed no kids. I texted back that we couldn't make it then because we just moved across the country, and I know NOBODY here that I would leave Moose with overnight while we were hours away. He says yeah, he realized that when they sent the invites out and he'd ask his fiancee if Moose could come. Fiancee says no because she's already told other people no kids - which is fine, I understand. So we're not going, I'm bummed and they seem irked.

If you're having a "no kids allowed" wedding, you MUST as a courtesy, provide a babysitter room at the hotel and staff it with childcare for children that must accompany their parents for the trip. If you don't do that, don't expect your friends and family to all make it. And if you can't afford the childcare, ask the parents to chip in. It's the babysitting equivalent of a cash bar. Yeah, it's slightly tacky but I'd rather chip in for childcare close to me than skip the wedding altogether.

In general, I think the people with the "it's my special day, it's all about ME" attitude are the ones who want a wedding and not a marriage. They also happen to be in the 50% of American marriages who end in divorce!
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I'm just curious why you feel that the bride/groom should provide childcare for children that are not theirs? That is just odd to me. No one is being forced to attend the event, correct? Our wedding day WAS all about US as it should be! For the record, we got married in Vegas so it was no Steel Magnolias extravaganza. I don't think anyone who sends out wedding invitations intends for 100% of the people to reply "will attend" to begin with so their is no expectation for everyone to attend, children or not.
 
When my BIL and SIL got married in San Diego a few years ago our kids were 2 and 4. It wasn't a problem bringing them as there was a lot of kids there, but we wanted to enjou ourselves so I brought my then 19 year old sister along (paid for her whole trip including airfare, hotel, Disney, SeaWorld, etc.) to babysit for us.
 
I don't expect other people to provide childcare, but they shouldn't expect me to travel 6 hours round trip for the wedding when they live 5 min away either
 
allbluezoo said:
I'm just curious why you feel that the bride/groom should provide childcare for children that are not theirs?
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Because they obviously know that people have children - and they obviously know people are traveling. If you are inviting me as a guest, you should make adequate accomodations for me to be your guest. If you are inviting me as your guest, you know I have a small child that I can't leave home alone. There are no kennels for children. If I can't bring my child with me, where exactly is he supposed to go?

And if you can't afford to do these things - like have an open bar, or provide childcare, you need to scale back your wedding to less of an extravaganza. If you can't afford to do it right, don't send me a BS invite. There's no point inviting someone just to disinvite them by telling them their family isn't welcome. Weddings are about FAMILY. Adding to your family, expanding your family, founding a new family. Why on earth wouldn't you have kids there? And if you don't allow kids except your ringbearer and flower girl...those poor two kids are going to be bored to tears and hate it!
 
With the hundreds of details that planning a normal wedding involves, it would never even have occurred to me that childcare be provided also. Just as I wouldn't expect them to take care of my elderly mother and father while I'm gone or my Lucy. And I can't say that I would feel comfortable leaving my child with a total stranger in a hotel situation anyway. I would sooner have brought a friend/young niece/nephew along for the trip and paid them to babysit during the party, although I realize you don't know anyone in the area. And ummm, well, I think the wedding is about them, isn't it...
 
You guys sound like me. This past summer I was in 2 weddings, attended a grand total of 5. One I was MOH. The summer of 08, same thing 4 weddings, one I was MOH of, and the 4 of us were in together. Now these ****es are all pregnant this year, WTF...It's craziness. This is one of the reasons why I am happy and glad I am not legally married...or plan on having a big wedding.
 
I refuse to be in any more weddings. I've only been in two, but hated everything about it both times. I informed my sister that if/when she gets married I'll be happy to watch, but I want nothing to do with it.

If I had to do mine over again I would do it sooo differently. All the pomp and circumstance doesn't make the union more beautiful it only makes for a lot of stress and expense (IMO of course).
 
mrsmom said:
I refuse to be in any more weddings. I've only been in two, but hated everything about it both times. I informed my sister that if/when she gets married I'll be happy to watch, but I want nothing to do with it.

If I had to do mine over again I would do it sooo differently. All the pomp and circumstance doesn't make the union more beautiful it only makes for a lot of stress and expense (IMO of course).
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Yep!

We got married just us and a minister on the beach. It was perfect, couldn't have been any better.
 
I couldn't imagine of having my wedding have "no kids". It would not have been the same. Some of my favorite photos of my wedding are of kids.

And one of the best stories is how my flower girl (my niece) dropped her basket of stemmed roses (she passed out to women on the ends of the aisles) when she was part way down and her little brother (my nephew, then 2-1/2 years old) stopped and helped her pick them all up.
 
I've been asked to be in 1 of the weddings, mostly because I have helped her with a ton of prep work, I did politely decline, I don't need that on my plate too.

Some of what is hard for me is that my priorites are so different from these people. The one with no kids and the drive is also choosing to have a $80 a head meal (that's the meal - not the fluff) and that is why they are unable to include many of their family, friends, and kids. Granted i've been married nearly 16 years, but we had a $10 a head buffet and included everyone we wanted. I'd rather celebrate with my friends and family then a fancy steak.
 
eLiciafay said:
Yep!

We got married just us and a minister on the beach. It was perfect, couldn't have been any better.
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Honestly that is what I would want, but now with the kids I would probably have them go with us too. Keep it on the DL so family wouldn't have a cow. Was actually thinking of doing it on the beach in North Shore IL and just make it a very casual day......but filing single head of household and getting to claim the house and kids is good times for me. LOL.
 
mrsmom said:
I refuse to be in any more weddings. I've only been in two, but hated everything about it both times. I informed my sister that if/when she gets married I'll be happy to watch, but I want nothing to do with it.

If I had to do mine over again I would do it sooo differently. All the pomp and circumstance doesn't make the union more beautiful it only makes for a lot of stress and expense (IMO of course).
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I totally agree with you. Me and dh got married at the courthouse. We invited no one.
 
Well in my neck of the woods I would say 90% of the weddings are no kids allowed. There are a couple of reasons. 1. Parents don't parent. 2. They leave their kids to run wild as they are partying. 3. Cost - many wedding halls here charge either full price for a kid 2 and up. And we aren't talking about $25 a head it's much more than $100 a person at many many many places. So that would be $300 just to cover your plates. Imagine if you had 3 or 4 kids. Costs add up quite quickly. 4. It's their wedding and if they don't want kids there, it's their decision.

I was recently invited to a "getaway" wedding in Colofrigginrado. I just said Get Away. :lol: I understand you have a little one and not crapping on your situation. But I'd never expect my peeps to have an animal sitter provided for me.

Even though I wouldn't trust a stranger with Jill. She'd pickpocket them immediately.
 
Oh and weddings are ridiculous. Especially Jewish ones. Most are on a weeknight and they have about 800 or so people.
 
When we got married in 2004 we sent out invitations without children's names on them. At the time of out wedding there was one my side and my husband had 9. My mom was the one that thought no kids because of the cost and that it should have been just that. Well my husbands family believes that when you get an invitation you can bring everyone you know. We ended up seating a little under 200 and over 50 were kids. My one friend wasn't going to come since it didn't say anything about kids. I told her to have the two come since the whole family could be there.

As for childcare, I would not have set anything up nor would I have left them in a hotel room with other kids. It comes down to if my parents or inlaws are there then the kids would be too. If they weren't invited then the kids go to one of them or whoever is not going. If that isn't an option then we don't go. This is probably more since my hubby is Mexican that they don't do anything without kids or that the kids came before alot of the weddings.

We were invited to a 60th birthday party and the kids were not on them. My sis and I sent each of our kids to the inlaws and went. My cousin ended up bringing the kids and left within an hour. My other cousin's cousin's left there kids with sitters too. I look at it like this, I am a SAHM and need some time away. I do understand that sometimes that is not always possible. Even if they are invited I would prefer not to go to weddings anymore. I am the last family wedding and have only been to three others in 5 years. Two cousins were engaged and both of them had it broken off. I guess I will be in the clear for awhile.
 
DianeScraps said:
I don't expect other people to provide childcare, but they shouldn't expect me to travel 6 hours round trip for the wedding when they live 5 min away either
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IMHO... then don't. I wouldn't put myself out if it was that inconvient. State that your unable to attend. Send your best wishes! Viola....
 
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