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Parents of difficult eaters

Kathkeane, how old are your kids? Lex is only 3 and would eat the same food every day for breakfast/lunch/dinner (pancakes/mac & cheese/pizza) if I let him. If he tries the food I make he always says he likes it and eats well, but there are days, like the past few nights, where he doesn't even try. How can he know whether or not he likes it if he doesn't even try?
 
kathkeane said:
To me, this is nuts.

I go to the store, I let my son pick out things out of the 4 food groups --
breads, meats/cheese, milk, fruits and vegetables. None of my kids ever
liked fruits, so I bought fruit juices instead.

One of my sons didn't like tuna, so on the nights I made tuna noodle, he got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I would never consider punishing anyone for not liking a certain food. Did it ever occur to any of you that perhaps the reason they kept not eating a certain food is because their body could not break down that certain food or had an allergy to it? The body generally knows what it can use and cannot tolerate inherently.

I really had no idea all this went on in the world. I simply keep a variety of foods in the refrigerator that my kids ilke. If I cook something and they don't like it, they are free to rummage in the frig for something they do like.

Everybody has turned out just fine -- I cannot imagine adding more stress to family life by regimenting food. Life is too short.
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I don't think we're talking about one or two things they don't like here. We're talking about kids who refuse to eat what's for dinner night after night. Or times when they refuse to eat something that they've eaten many times before and you know they like.
 
I see overthinking here. When my nephew was little, I fed him what I was eating or nothing. Think about it - you feed them pureed carrots, peas etc in the form of baby food, no reason they can only eat chicken nuggets by the time they are 2.

I do not have struggles at the table. You can eat what there is or you may have cereal or Pb&J but I will not make it. I do not allow (neither does DH, he is very helpful with this) comments from the peanut gallery on what has been made for dinner. If you don't like it, fine, but no commentary a la Top Chef.

What helped when the kids got older is I gave the picky eater the menu planning job so he feels much more involved. There are nights he will purposely plan a meal he doesn't like but knows the rest of the family likes. Helps with a lot of the conflict. He started the menu planning when he was around 10-11.

Anyway when nephew was small, he could eat or not eat. If he became a problem at the table, he had to stay there as long as it took me to eat then he could go, but nothing to eat until the next snack/meal time.
 
kathkeane said:
To me, this is nuts.

I go to the store, I let my son pick out things out of the 4 food groups --
breads, meats/cheese, milk, fruits and vegetables. None of my kids ever
liked fruits, so I bought fruit juices instead.

One of my sons didn't like tuna, so on the nights I made tuna noodle, he got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I would never consider punishing anyone for not liking a certain food. Did it ever occur to any of you that perhaps the reason they kept not eating a certain food is because their body could not break down that certain food or had an allergy to it? The body generally knows what it can use and cannot tolerate inherently.

I really had no idea all this went on in the world. I simply keep a variety of foods in the refrigerator that my kids ilke. If I cook something and they don't like it, they are free to rummage in the frig for something they do like.

Everybody has turned out just fine -- I cannot imagine adding more stress to family life by regimenting food. Life is too short.
Click to expand...

This has gone a little off the original post and a few subsequent posts. In my case my 6 you did have an issue with eating in general. I would not got out of my way to make something she absolutely hated nor would I only make her favorites all the time or she would be eating the same thing. In my sister's case my nephew will eat at home well, but when out he will pick out what he wants to eat and then doesn't eat it. In the beginning my Mom and I would eat and say he did. Now it has gotten to the point where it is just a waste.

I do agree with eliminating stress especially at meal time, but as meals are being made for the 100th time and a child decides they do not like it then things have to be addressed. Most if not all of the situations are of food that has been eaten and enjoyed and now no longer interested in. My girls are wonderful eaters, my oldest doesn't go too far into the Mexican food, but my youngest will try anything. We are retraining my oldest since for 5 of her 6 years she, as we also did, thought food was making her sick. My kids can be very manipulative if you let them. I will make them a meal and go to my Mom's house and they will want to eat again. For awhile and still at times my Mom thinks I don't feed them. My oldest doesn't eat breakfast on school days. I would give her whatever she wanted and she just wasn't hungry.
 
mama22angels said:
Growing up, there were very few things I truly disliked. 1 was my mothers pork chops. She would get a cast iron pan screaming hot, and throw that pork chop in there and cook it til it was about as tender as your shoe. they sucked! I was an adult before I realized there were better ways to cook.
My mother would make a horrible meal... she would make liver and onions, brussel sprouts and top it off with some black eyed peas. OMG. She found the brussel sprouts one day while cleaning out from under the kitchen table. I explained the dog will clean his **** and not eat these, they are not good for you!
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This made me laugh and think of something someone I work with told me. His Mom cooks meals for him and his bothers. Never really said if it was good or terrible. He has a younger and older siblings. The thing that I remembered was is that she is a vegetarian. I asked how does she know she is cooking it right, wrong, good, etc. He said she doesn't. :lol:
 
Barring medical issues/food allergies/autism etc, picky eaters are made, not born.

You aren't a short order cook and they don't live in a restaurant. Somewhere in the back of every mommy's mind is a fear if she doesn't provide "child friendly" food her kids will slowly starve to death.

Poppycock!

You provide the meal. This is the meal. You can eat the meal or choose not to. But there is no DIFFERENT meal. Kids eat the SAME meal, not different ones (one kid doesn't get a banana and the other apple sauce).

Meal issues are power struggles. Don't enable it.

Don't threaten, yell, beg or bribe. All done calmly and consistently. Little Johnny doesn't want to eat his pasta, meal is over. See ya again at snack time (do NOT re serve the pasta. That meal is DONE). Be FIRM. If they scream and yell, it's a time out. Meal times are to be pleasant for EVERYONE, and that means MOMMY, too.

While I'm on an obvious roll, let me spout about this whole mac and cheese, pizza, burger, chicken nugget crap. If you train a child on this at every meal, they will never learn to eat "real" food.
 
in my house, you eat what you are offered, or you do not eat. There have been many times over that last 5 years my son has gone to bed without supper, and I do not feel bad about it one bit. I am not a short order cook.

There is an exception, tho. When I know Jonny DESPISES something I made, I will make him something different.
 
I also refuse to be a short-order cook. If DD hasn't tried something before and I have doubts about whether or not she'll like it, we let her just eat other parts of the meal. But she has to at least try whatever is new. I don't put it on her plate and let it just sit there, because that doesn't really "expose" her to it - it just lets her see it on her plate and think she doesn't have to eat it. We have a lot of issues with her asking for something and then deciding she wants something else instead, after we've already served the first thing she asked for. Or with her asking for seconds and then deciding she wants dessert instead. The rule is, if you ask for it, you eat it. She went through a phase where she didn't like spices (not necessarily spicy food), and anytime she saw a fleck of oregano or anything, she threw a fit - even if it was something she liked, like pizza or spaghetti. Spices are something she needed to learn to deal with, so I refused to eliminate them just to pacify her. She eventually got over it.

A large part of my motivation for not giving in is that I refuse to raise a child to be like my dad, who is extremely picky. The man will not eat rice, dark meat chicken, mushrooms (including anything made with cream of mushroom soup), any kind of seafood, broccoli, cauliflower, squash, alfredo sauce, watermelon, and who knows what else. Combine that with my mom's tomato allergy, and my parents are VERY difficult to cook for!!!
 
My mom raised us with the "hungry kids will eat" philosophy.:-)

I wasn't a picky eater, but I remember certain vegetables tasted bitter or the texture were off for me, they weren't my favorite, but had to eat a little when I had no other choices. As I grew older (after 12-13), I love those vegetables because there were no longer taste and texture issues, I guess I grew out of it or my taste bud developed better?
 
DS4 has gotten really picky. He ate veggies well until he started noticing that the other kids at preschool said veggies were gross. *Sigh* He also loved avocados as a baby, and now claims he hates them. Same with sweet potatoes. He's been small and underweight his whole life (30 week preemie), so I've always been careful to push nutritionally-dense foods. He gets two choices for breakfast (although sometimes he asks for peanut butter and jelly instead, and I'll make that). At lunch I usually suggest something and if he wants something else I take it on a case by case basis. He'd eat pizza every day if I let him.

One thing I've noticed with both kids is that they generally only want something two days in a row, then they decide they don't want it anymore. DD 12 months was a fabulous eater but lately she's been too keen to get out of her high chair and play. She generally ends dinner by pulling off her bib and deliberately dropping her food for the dog. Once she became mobile she dropped from the 25th percentile down to the 5th.

I think getting DS's help with meal planning might help some.
 
frugalcook said:
I think getting DS's help with meal planning might help some.
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I started my DS on it with recipe cards with pictures on them! We have a standard meal combo: entree, starch if needed, veggie, fruit. He would just pull cards and put together combinations for the week. He has moved on to a white board but the flash cards helped a lot when he was younger. They have visitation with their mom 2 evenings a week and he found it ESPECIALLY fun to plan DH&my meals when they were not going to be home, it brought out his creativity with things he didn't necessarily care to eat himself.

He does most of the grocery list/inventory now too! LOL!
 
kathkeane said:
To me, this is nuts.

I go to the store, I let my son pick out things out of the 4 food groups --
breads, meats/cheese, milk, fruits and vegetables. None of my kids ever
liked fruits, so I bought fruit juices instead.

One of my sons didn't like tuna, so on the nights I made tuna noodle, he got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I would never consider punishing anyone for not liking a certain food. Did it ever occur to any of you that perhaps the reason they kept not eating a certain food is because their body could not break down that certain food or had an allergy to it? The body generally knows what it can use and cannot tolerate inherently.

I really had no idea all this went on in the world. I simply keep a variety of foods in the refrigerator that my kids ilke. If I cook something and they don't like it, they are free to rummage in the frig for something they do like.

Everybody has turned out just fine -- I cannot imagine adding more stress to family life by regimenting food. Life is too short.
Click to expand...

I am going to respectfully disagree and say your post is what is nuts.
If all 6 of my children got to pick the food they ate for every meal I would spend all day in the kitchen. Not too mention, if I let the kids pick their dinner DH will want to pick his dinner too! No THANK YOU!
Even if the older kids can make their own stuff it still requires me to have the food available. That is extra shopping.
Then the cleanup would also be ridiculous. Do your kids do their own dishes after you make them whatever you want?

In theory, I think kids over 5 can help themselves to breakfast and lunch and I will clean up. For dinner, I prefer to sit at the table WITH my children (even when they whine) than pop up and down every 10 seconds to fulfill someone's wants.
 
It seems this had become a little of a touchy subject for some!!!
I don't want a debate about force-feeding my kids food I know they don't like @@ that wasn't what I was asking.
I think/hope meals will go better here on out and I will post with a follow-up soon! :))
 
Ds11, who is skinny and takes ADHD meds, does not care for traditional breakfast foods so instead of having a battle every morning I sometimes feed him leftovers. He's had chili, chicken tortellini soup, pasta, ect. I figure the stomach doesn't know the difference and it's better for him than some sugary cereals! Pick your battles!!
 
Anneburn said:
Ds11, who is skinny and takes ADHD meds, does not care for traditional breakfast foods so instead of having a battle every morning I sometimes feed him leftovers. He's had chili, chicken tortellini soup, pasta, ect. I figure the stomach doesn't know the difference and it's better for him than some sugary cereals! Pick your battles!!
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But you are feeding him a variety of foods. I don't see this as a problem.
 
kathkeane said:
To me, this is nuts.

I go to the store, I let my son pick out things out of the 4 food groups --
breads, meats/cheese, milk, fruits and vegetables. None of my kids ever
liked fruits, so I bought fruit juices instead.

One of my sons didn't like tuna, so on the nights I made tuna noodle, he got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I would never consider punishing anyone for not liking a certain food. Did it ever occur to any of you that perhaps the reason they kept not eating a certain food is because their body could not break down that certain food or had an allergy to it? The body generally knows what it can use and cannot tolerate inherently.

I really had no idea all this went on in the world. I simply keep a variety of foods in the refrigerator that my kids ilke. If I cook something and they don't like it, they are free to rummage in the frig for something they do like.

Everybody has turned out just fine -- I cannot imagine adding more stress to family life by regimenting food. Life is too short.
Click to expand...


Wow. Could you be any more insulting & judgmental? I usually bite my tongue, but your post was very rude and snarky.

" Did it ever occur to any of you that perhaps the reason they kept not eating a certain food is because their body could not break down that certain food or had an allergy to it? The body generally knows what it can use and cannot tolerate inherently."

We are not talking about force feeding foods they hate. We are talking about kids that have ate spaghetti a zillion times, and you serve them spaghetti, but they have decided that night they would prefer chicken, or a pb&j instead.

" If I cook something and they don't like it, they are free to rummage in the frig for something they do like."

You are teaching your children to be rude & inconsiderate to you, and to others in the future, that are nice enough to cook them a meal. If someone were nice enough to cook a dinner for me each night, you can bet your **** that I wouldn't be rude and complain about it, or whine for something else. I would be grateful that someone went through the work for me, and I would keep my mouth shut if it wasn't exactly what I wanted that night. As a mother, it is my job to teach my son about nutrition, to be respectful of others, and not expect to be waited on. When he is old enough, he will be welcome to cook whatever he wants, whenever he wants, for the family, and I will eat what is put in front of me & be grateful.
 
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