What's new
By:

"She's cute"... yeah, right.

Not at all, MrsD, that's exactly what I think Rascal was getting at. We all have our own criteria for what we think is attractive, and it's NICE to have that in the person you are dating/married to since you feel a genuine attraction PLUS compatibility with personnality (at least, I hope ;) )

I'm not saying people I'm not attracted to are bad, nor that they are not attractive to anyone. We just have our tastes, I guess...

I also usually am more attracted to a person with a certain flaw... I don't know why. A scar, the person being deaf, or missing an arm, for some reason I feel like asking them out... Maybe I'm the weird one. Ah well.

I still like short people, though... it's not like it's much of a CHOICE when it's my body that makes me react.

Plus, personality is not the first thing you notice about a person. In a bar for example (I don't go there, but whatever), people will go up to people they're attracted to.

And personality is still very important. But regardless of looks, it takes time to get to know someone, and some (or most?) guys are too impatient to take that time. They will go for physical attraction first and hope for the best....

For my part, I once dated a cute short blonde girl whom I loved very much; I personally found her gorgeous but I recently discovered that people think my last ex-girlfriend is much more beautiful. I saw them on the same scale of looks... plus, my last ex has the personality of a raging bull...
 
"Raging Bull" personalities definitely wouldn't do it for me either! My post was pretty much in agreement with the others that it "looks really don't matter" as much as we all think they do.
 
it was nice of you to try and class me up a bit djeuve but that isn't really where i was going :).

men and women are different in the way they approach attraction. that's just the way it is...it is pointless for us to be comparing to each other if we are of different sexes :).

men ARE looking for looks first, whether they admit it or even know it themselves. it is CONVENIENT to blame this on society because that we feel is something that we can control, but the fact is that it is really because of biology. this goes way beyond "oh hey, she's hot", hot is in the eye of the beholder, so is beauty and whatnot. but the driving factor in INITIAL attraction, something that would overcome a guy with a need to approach a girl is more than likely some sort of physcial attribute, based on finding a healthy mate to impregnate and further the human race. it's a basic drive. we might think that humans have outgrown these basic drives, they might seem dated or whatever, but i believe they are still there. the best person to impregnate is obviously someone that is healthy, someone with a good chance for survival. a girl that is not thin and not overweight (both are unhealthy characteristics), not too tall or too short (also both unhealthy), these are all INITIAL things that guys key on, subconsciously. this does not mean that attraction can't be built or that we have no control over it at all. i'm talking base, initial first attraction here. we aren't RULED by these initial reactions, but they are there and they do have some effect.

women in general are not after looks. they still have the idea of finding a healthy mate, but it doesn't play as much of a role as in men. all of you are going to hate me for saying this so try not to blast me too much, but i think the first thing that flits thru a girl's mind is being taken care of. *prepares to be booted off the site lol*. a provider of safety and security. someone healthy enough to provide children. women don't necessarily feel gut attraction right away like guys do.

i remember reading about a study in one of my psyc text's that found that men fall in love faster than women, but they fall out of love faster as well, just by their very nature (in general again, not true for everybody). this is the because of the way in which they are attracted, quickly and physically for men, slower and more emotionally for women.

i hope i haven't pissed all you off too much :) ...but that's pretty much some stuff that i learned in one of my psyc classes if i'm remembering it properly. remember, i'm talking INITIAL, subconscious attraction here. we are all thinking people and they can be overcome if you want them too, but as a gut reaction to someone that's what you are relying on IN GENERAL. and djeuve...i dunno man, you've got like a serious fetish or something lol ;)
 
I'll have to disagree with you there Rascal. It's initial attraction for women too. There have been plenty of times I've met guys who were great "security" and whatnot, but honestly, that doesn't factor in...if they don't fit into any of my three levels of attractiveness (Hot, Pretty and Cute) then they have no chance, no matter how much "security" they have.
 
Wait a minute - I think Rascal is right on track here. Look at all the posts from the guys and compare them with what the women have to say - I think we've all pretty much proved Rascal's way of thinking which, by the way is kind of textbook.
 
lol, my thinking is textbook because it's straight from a textbook! i can't speak to what women are attracted to since i'm not a woman :). i can just report to you some of the stuff i've read. and of course with psychological studies you always have to be careful because they speak about the average, or the majority. there are always outliers and exceptions.
 
Hey, as long as I feel comfortable with my fetish ;)

:bunny:
 
Lol I think rascal has a point, which is possibly also true for some women, but I know that many women also go on attarction too...so either way really I think it depends on the person.
 
This discussion got really serious somewhere in there... whoa.

I think women experience physical attraction just the same that men do, only they don't admit it as readily. A lot of psychology studies are based on self-report in this area of research. There's the evolutionary psychology theory that stability is what attracts a mate (a good hunter for the tribe?). There's the musicologists theory that music remains popular because women love musicians.
If you need proof that women rate men on attractiveness just as we do to them, just look at who buys the trashy romance novels. Yea, we buy the porn. Our imagination isn't the same, so sue us. The romance novels are just girl porn. There's the little girls falling all over the boy bands. It couldn't POSSIBLY be for their music (shudder), so looks must have something to do with it.
 
Well, I can't speak for guys, but I know *I'm* definitely attracted to looks first (and I am a girl). For example, the really good looking Bi-law officer who helped me push a strangers van into a parking lot this afternoon...I wish I wasn't always in such weird situations when I met goodlooking guys, it's so hard to flirt when you are trying to push a minivan up a curb.
 
Wait a minute there, ski - I haven't read a "romance" novel in many a year ( I have a weak stomach...) but if you think that's PORN, I challenge you to read one of those sappy, icky-sweet horrible things!!!! Anyone who reads those crappy things has no idea what "intense" REALLY means, and I feel sorry for them!!!

OK - attractive guys are really good to look at, but I've been through enough of life to know that's not where it really is. They are as superficial as any Victoria's Secret model - a real woman KNOWS where to put her trust and heart, and it isn't always with the first "pretty face" that comes around the corner.

As far as textbook "psyche" goes - I had an awesome college experience from beginning to end - wouldn't trade it for the world!! I remember one thing strongly in particular - (the old girl's going back aways, so bear with me, young'uns...) We were told that the great majority of marriages in this country occur between people who live and were brought up with a 10 mile radius of each other. We are creatures of habit - we as a rule do not stray far from home. I have found through my travels in this life that what I was taught in college is very much the truth - the freaky psyche guy with the wooden-beaded tie was right!! Too bad he committed suicide in my second semester...

I know myself in that when I am presented to or with what society calls a very attractive man, I cannot look him in the eye and would rather not talk to him at all. I'm extremely uncomfortable, and would rather walk away. That's not to say that ex boyfriends have not been attractive - I have kind of sought out my own standard all my life and have been very pleased in their company. In great part, MrD circumvents all other thought - he's the ultimate.
 
Oh, I wasn't saying that attractiveness is the SOLE reason I go out with people, I was just agreeing that, like guys, it is the initial thing that draws me to a person. I'm not even talking "textbook hotness" I'm just saying that *I* have to be attracted to them in some way.

Sometimes "jack-****" seeps off of attractive guys, and that sort of turns me off most of the "textbook hot" ones...but for the most part I enjoy a pretty face as much as the next guy/girl.
 
there are so many reasons we pick the people we "end up" with, whether it's for a month or 50 years. no one's wrong, no one's right. it's just the way it is. it's kind of sexy, the way things work. don't knock it - work with it and enjoy your life. we are brought up as children to think and believe that the only way to survive is to "mate off" with SOMEONE. WRONG.
 
Hahaha. You're awesome mrsd. Yeah, I've read one of those trashy romance novels. My friend in high school challenged me to it when I ripped on her for reading one in math. It's not porn, per se, but I call it girl porn because the girls I know who read it react to it in much the same way men react to the...uh... other porn. Cept without lotion and tissues.

I'm not trying to say that attractiveness is the only factor in choosing a mate, I'm just saying that I think it's important to many women whether they choose to admit it or not. Men, we'll admit to being shallow at times... ok, most of the time until a relationship rolls around. Hell, I know I am and I freely admit it. I've got a really ****ed up sense of attractiveness. I almost challenge myself to find something wrong with a woman just to keep myself from getting emotionally involved. Pretty successful at that so far. But then, most people would find "she's engaged to someone else" or "she's seeing a shrink 3 times a week" as valid complaints.

What I started this thread for, though, was to bash people who try to set their friends up with their unattractive other friends. Speaking of which, what is this female obsession with playing match-maker? I really don't get it.
 
Thanks, ski - for you to say I'm "awesome" means a lot to me. I just say things the way I see them. Sometimes I get criticized for how I think and what I say, but I've always believed every opinion is important. I feel a bit older than so many of the other Bashers (I'm 47) in AGE only - I'll never progress beyond 22, I'm afraid - that's OK by me, but a lot of 22-year olds have a hard time with that! Screw 'em...

Romance novels have nothing to do with porn - what it is is a no-talent author (or publisher) who knows how to pander to the love-lorn and to the teeny-bopper brought up to think there really IS a knight in shining armour - they are the precursor to porn.

Attractiveness IS the factor in choosing a mate - it just doesn't have to be PHYSICAL. I'll never forget one of the very first things MrD said to me while he was trying to get me to go out with him (granted - he had been trying a WHILE...) - I don't know if I can actually repeat it, because it's something special that I say to HIM now to rekindle things - but the man made my KNEES sweat and in effect lead to "further actions". :eusa_ange I'd NEVER admit this to him, but I was not really physically attracted to MrD - guess what - I ADORE the man, and can think of nothing before him. He's all there IS to me.

Your thoughts - and so many like them - are why I've always said that men should never marry before the age of 30. Life is a funny thing - my advise is not to waste it worrying about it - it has a way of telling you when things are right.
 
Oh sure...the plots are drival and only about the knight...but you can't tell me those love-scene parts aren't a form of porn.
 
Not all love scenes are porn, a mean a love scene could jsut be two people kissing...would you class that as porn??
 
No, I'm talking about the engorged members and the heaving bosom love scenes...sorry, I should have said sex-scenes. Kissing isn't porn. But those sex-scenes can be what I like to refer to as literary-porn. I'm not saying it in a negative way, I'm just saying that I agree that women react the same to that as men do to visual porn.
 
Well then yes I guess you could call it literary porn
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top