Who here has felt the sting of...

[Mikerocosms]

Racism? I know it's the big gray elephant in the room. When I ask this, I ask it with all honesty. I know some of these experiences can be private. If you want to share your experience please do so. You are not required of course. I will share mine. I know there are different levels of it and none are good but I'm asking about the real bad ones. I expect everyone here to be on their best behavior. No flaming whatsoever. Like have you been called a derogatory name, thrown milk on, compared to animals, beaten, or worse?

For now I will share my mother's experience. I'll share mine later on.

As a child, my mother would go to school with all the other children. In the village she lived in her family only spoke Spanish. Her side of the family has been in this area since it was Mexico. Then it was claimed as America. So now her family were instant Americans. Anyhow, all she spoke was Spanish. In school during her time any child speaking Spanish was told not to and beaten with a paddle or ruler if they spoke it around the teachers. My mother was beaten often enough to where she practically became mute and had to learn English.

She is a tough woman these days. She has strong feelings about certain subjects. Even more so than I do. I disagree with her on certain things as it is a new day and age but I understand her position. Some things when you go through them leave a scar that may never leave you.




M

 

[Peak Forum Bot]

I take my kids to the free lunch program at a school with the population of 80%black students (the town is 2% black), we are white.

My bff and I have a combined total of 5 kids. They are playing on the equipment. About 7 black children without a parent come to the playground. The unsupervised children are playing a game, our kids are playing on the other side of the jungle gym. This one child comes up and tells me to leave with my kids, they want to play on both sides. I say "my kids are playing just fine and you can play together", our kids were trying to get them to play with them at this point. This girl refuses to play with our kids, they go back to the playground for about 2 minutes, come back to me and tell me to leave again. I say "no, this is a public playground, you can play together and we can stay". This happens another 2-3 times and then black children leave because they refuse to play with our kids. It was sad because this was a group of kids. My kids wanted to play with them, share the playground with them, and we were being chased off, held our ground, and they left. I don't get it. I haven't retold this correctly I'm sure, but it's the best I can do two years later.

 

[masford]

What I experience once in a while is what I call "ignocism". When people learn that I was not born here first they begin guessing where did I come from. My accent is not very clear... people get funny with the guessing...Italy, Spain, Greece...

Then I tell them I was born in Brazil. Automatically people think Brazil = poverty, they often ask if I grew up in a village (they hint sometimes at lack of basics... electricity, sewer). I have to explain the country is poor but not devoid of the basics for most part... hey, the city I grew up has over 2.5 million people, we have malls, all the same stores, from Walmart to Gucci, from McD to fancy places.

Then they ask how I met my husband (born in Boston)... and lots of people assume that I was here illegally, or that I got married to get a green card. I tell them I met him while I was going to graduate classes in Boston but we married in Brazil, financially I would be way better I had lived there the last 15 years, not here. Most people get suprised...

I don't call it racism... but it gets tiring when you have to deal with all these pre conceived ideas.

Now, dd is 8, speaks English and Portuguese but looks completly Irish (like DH). It makes for some funny situations. When she was younger I was often asked if I was her nanny!

 

[DianeScraps]

My first major experience was about a year after our daughters moved in (they are bi-racial, we are white - they are adopted from Foster Care).

My oldest daughter's Girl Scout leader was unable to continue due to family commitments. She asked all the kids /parents who would like to continue, and requested those kids be assigned to other troops. However when the school year started and all the scout troops were starting ALL of the kids except mine and another AA child were in troops. The leader refused our those two kids. She told Girl Scouts that her troop was too full, but her daughter announced on the playground that it was because my daughters skin was darker then hers (I had believed this too full thing till this happened). Girl Scouts REFUSED to do a thing, till I contacted a big Philadelphia lawyer. Then they quickly got her assigned to another troop, but with girls all from another elementary school. Fast forward 3 years later, I'm trying to get my youngest in a a troop and guess who the leader is again - yup - same one - Girl Scouts moved a bit quicker about getting her in another troop that time, but they have done nothing about the racist leader, she currently sits on the board for our council too.

 

[newbride]

I don't call it racism... but it gets tiring when you have to deal with all these pre conceived ideas.

you nailed it on the head for me! I don't know that I've ever been a victim of outright racism but I have dealt with the preconceived ideas. Which in all honesty I find more offensive because they're often presented in a passive aggressive light. For instance when people hear my last name they automatically assume I'm married to a Mexican - I'm not. When they hear he's Hispanic many have assumed he's illegal or somewhere down the line either his parents or grandparents are illegal - they're not. I also often find that people assume his first language is Spanish - it's not.

 

[fords8]

A bit of my history:
I grew up in a small, wealthy tourist town (my parents aren't wealthy).
At the time I lived in that town there were no black peeps living in the town limits......they lived in a small area community. There was 2 black kids in my gradeschool and I think like maybe 10 in my highschool.

For the most part the black kids were looked on like cool kids that lots off peeps wanted to be friends with (which looking back on it is kinda funny). I'm still friends with a couple of the guys. ANYWAY.

So moving on to college where I lived in the dorms in a way bigger city. Our dorms were 4 bedroom appartments with a kitchen, living room and two bathrooms. My Soph. year I had two black roommates. Kameesha and Latesha (from differnt parts of the country). Kameesha was a horrid, horrid roommate!!! She was in a anti white clud who held meeatings at our dorm kitchen table. Her friends would not look at us and talked about their strategies of not friending white peeps and absolutely about not dating white guys. I remember watching friends and telling them "Hey guys.......we're right here!:surrender:" to which I got snickered at.

Oh and we were all slobs (like co-eds are) so one morning Kameesha put up a big poster in our kitchen stating things in big marker that she is not our slave and won't clean up after us, etc......it was totally ****ing nuts. We went to the dorm offices and we were told flat out that they wont' do anything because she'll pull the race card. This was 1993 btw.

Ok so then several years later I was working in an HR department and a newlywed so I brought in my wedding photo album to work because peeps wanted to see it. One very nice black lady (Sarah.....to this day I really think about her and her very intersting views on things) said to me "Was there any black people there?" I thought for a sec and said "No, I don't think so." She said that she and her DH make a point of not being friends with people who do not have diverse friends. Um....ok. (at the time I fealt totally shot down because I really liked and respected her and she hurt my feelings).

So then (same company) my cubicle work mate was Jennifer a BEAUTIFUL black woman. We became what I thought was friends. She mentioned one time how she has an appointment that she can't miss and no one to watch her daughter. I said bring her to my apartment and I'll watch her. She said (and I quote because I've never been so insulted) "Your husband does not want to come home from work to find a lil black kid running around." I said "What?!" She said "Oh please, I know how y'all think." Well needless to say that was the end our our what-I-thought-was friendship.

So when I bought my house I did not want my son to go to the local public school for kindergarden. I wanted him to go to where DH went. SO I fillled out the proper forms. I was denied stating "Based on racial balance this application is denied." Bottom line is that they wanted to keep one of the few white kids they had in their school.

Ok so years later (and my kids go to private school now ) There's things that come up. Our "hood" is largely or mostly lower income.
A couple months ago my son found a friend on the other side of the block who lives in a rental house. I've seen this house and the peeps and it's not good IMO. I told my son for months he was not to play with this boy because I didn't like the fact that I've seen peeps coming out of that house cussing like there's no tomorrow.

Well one day he brought the child over and he was a very nice boy. There were a few slips like cussing words that I quickly stated were not allowed here. Then he asked if my son could go to his house for his birthday party. I had to say no based on what I saw of the adults around his house.

Anyway long story short they're still buds and I hope my son is as respectful as his friend is.

I'm pleased that already my kids have more varied friends than I had. (Their bff in our hood is Mexican boy that I love so much).

So that's my story....good, bad and ugly.

 

[Momof2girls]

My husband was born in Mexico and raised there until he was about 8. He came here legally and I was at his swearing in ceremony in '99. He lived in the same town while growing up and like Mike's Mom didn't speak english when he went to school. There was no beating, but there was also no communication. He graduated in '92. He had minor issues more for his last name because his cousins were in gangs. He would get pulled over on a routine basis when around his house.

Now we start dating and my Dad's side don't really have anything to say about him, but my Mom's side does. I was 24 when I started dating him and told my Mom all about him before hand and asked how she would feel. She said she would be fine with it, not all time I found out. My grandparents said something along the lines of they wouldn't come to our wedding. We didn't get married until 4 years after and they were there. My one Aunt said it was a phase, which I guess I never out grew. My Mom didn't care for him too much and did really fight is alot. It was hard, but after having two girls I think alot of it was more out of being a mom than the color of his skin, he is very dark. I know it has alot to do with the people that were around us that she realized it wasn't that unusual for us to be together. No one ever thought we got married for him to stay since he has been here for 30 years.

Before we got married he was doing a side job in Oak Lawn and had gotten pulled over. It turned out that he was in non Hispanic neighborhood and there was nothing they could keep him for.

Since I took his last name I am mistaken for Mexican all the time. It isn't racism, but it is annoying after awhile.

There are probably things that I have left our or forgotten, but some is hidden for a reason.

 

[Momof2girls]

you nailed it on the head for me! I don't know that I've ever been a victim of outright racism but I have dealt with the preconceived ideas. Which in all honesty I find more offensive because they're often presented in a passive aggressive light. For instance when people hear my last name they automatically assume I'm married to a Mexican - I'm not. When they hear he's Hispanic many have assumed he's illegal or somewhere down the line either his parents or grandparents are illegal - they're not. I also often find that people assume his first language is Spanish - it's not.

If you don't mind me asking what is your husband. My husband is Mexican, but have never had is thought that he was illegal or his parents/grandparents are. I am wondering if it is because they have been here for 30 years.

 

[chinamom]

I am 8 different nationalities. But, I have dark hair and dark eyes. And.....my name is Maria. I got all sorts of teasing in school. Taco women. Menudo lover. It was a blast. No one ever assumes I am Swedish, which I am equally to the Mexican. My sister, poor girl, has dark skin and is heavy. She never heard the end of it. I remember her wanting to stay home from 1st grade because the kids called her the 'n" word. I had never even heard the word. Now, I have an Asian daughter. So far, so good. We live in a small town and everyone knows her so she is just a celebrity. But the "china doll" name gets old. Oh, and something else I hate??? Getting mail/telemarkerter calls in Spanish. Why do they assume that because my name is Maria that I only speak Spanish? My DH is Irish and never gets mail is Gaelic. Never.

 

[Momof2girls]

Oh, and something else I hate??? Getting mail/telemarkerter calls in Spanish. Why do they assume that because my name is Maria that I only speak Spanish? My DH is Irish and never gets mail is Gaelic. Never.

Totally agree. My husband is Mexican and with the last name we get them alot. He also has an unusual first name or I should say it is not gender specific. So not only do we get the calls in Spanish, but we get them for a Ms. They go through their whole saying and then will ask if I speak Spanish, I say no.

 

[Mikerocosms]

As promised:

I was about 16 with a girlfriend at the time and just driving down the local strip. I noticed a cop make a u-turn and start following me. I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong so I just made it a point to drive very carefully. I wasn't going anywhere in particular but I thought maybe if I make a few turns he will loose interest. He didn't. He kept following me and now I was really nervous. I noticed some apartment building with a large parking lot in front, so I decided to pull in. At this point I was also a bit angry. So I got out and waited for the cop to pull around. I asked him loudly, "Why are you following me?" To which he retorted "I can follow anyone I want spic." He then drove off, having never fully pulled into the parking lot I was in.

I didn't even know what the hell that word meant until I asked my girlfriends parents. I never forgot the look on that cops face when he said it either. Since then I have always been wary of police.

On the flip side, having a Hispanic name I always get spoken to in Spanish. I didn't even know the language until I was around 22 and dating a girl who only spoke Spanish. I taught myself from a book. I also don't like chili or Mexican food in general for that matter. I prefer Italian food or health food. I always get the "You don't like chili?" surprised look when I get offered.

My background according to my family tree is mainly Hispanic, possible white, possible French way back, and a touch of Apache.



M

 

[fords8]

"I can follow anyone I want spic."

Well you had yerself a real live ****tard!

 

[NoHio]

As promised:

I was about 16 with a girlfriend at the time and just driving down the local strip. I noticed a cop make a u-turn and start following me. I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong so I just made it a point to drive very carefully. I wasn't going anywhere in particular but I thought maybe if I make a few turns he will loose interest. He didn't. He kept following me and now I was really nervous. I noticed some apartment building with a large parking lot in front, so I decided to pull in. At this point I was also a bit angry. So I got out and waited for the cop to pull around. I asked him loudly, "Why are you following me?" To which he retorted "I can follow anyone I want spic." He then drove off, having never fully pulled into the parking lot I was in.

I didn't even know what the hell that word meant until I asked my girlfriends parents. I never forgot the look on that cops face when he said it either. Since then I have always been wary of police.

On the flip side, having a Hispanic name I always get spoken to in Spanish. I didn't even know the language until I was around 22 and dating a girl who only spoke Spanish. I taught myself from a book. I also don't like chili or Mexican food in general for that matter. I prefer Italian food or health food. I always get the "You don't like chili?" surprised look when I get offered.

My background according to my family tree is mainly Hispanic, possible white, possible French way back, and a touch of Apache.



M

That's terrible, Mike. I'm sorry.

 

[Mikerocosms]

That's terrible, Mike. I'm sorry.

It's ok. Others here have also had a rough patch. My intention here was share our experiences so we can understand each other a little better.

I may post my father's story tomorrow. It wasn't exactly directed at him but he was involved to say the least.



M

 

[NoHio]

My first major experience was about a year after our daughters moved in (they are bi-racial, we are white - they are adopted from Foster Care).

My oldest daughter's Girl Scout leader was unable to continue due to family commitments. She asked all the kids /parents who would like to continue, and requested those kids be assigned to other troops. However when the school year started and all the scout troops were starting ALL of the kids except mine and another AA child were in troops. The leader refused our those two kids. She told Girl Scouts that her troop was too full, but her daughter announced on the playground that it was because my daughters skin was darker then hers (I had believed this too full thing till this happened). Girl Scouts REFUSED to do a thing, till I contacted a big Philadelphia lawyer. Then they quickly got her assigned to another troop, but with girls all from another elementary school. Fast forward 3 years later, I'm trying to get my youngest in a a troop and guess who the leader is again - yup - same one - Girl Scouts moved a bit quicker about getting her in another troop that time, but they have done nothing about the racist leader, she currently sits on the board for our council too.

This is also terrible, especially since it happened so recently. I'd like to think that that kind of thing doesn't happen much anymore, but obviously it does.

 

[lf5058]

Being an Asian woman married to a white man, certainly!

Where we live now is a small university town, people are kind of exposed to more "varieties" of people due to the presence of international scholars.

First time I was in America in 2001, people asked me whether we have malls in Malaysia.

I could tell some people assume I was some kind of "mail order bride" and was lucky to be elevated out of my little village to US the A. Usually by the kind of questions they asked me. Most were surprised to learn we were married in Malaysia and lived there for a few years before we decided to moved back here.

 

[mommy2912]

My perspective on what "racism" is must be different than most.

For instance-when Mike was called a "spic"-yep I consider that a racial slur, just like the "n" word and many other derrogatory names referring to people of a certain race. Or when someone's little girls (can't remember who-sorry) were denied joining girl scouts due to the color of thier skin. So I would consider comments as such and actions a form of racism.

However personally I would not consider it racist if I asked (or even assumed) a certain country did not have malls or was a poor country. Or if it were assumed that a person with a certain name speaks Spanish or Italian or Greek or whatever racist. Ignorant for making an assumption-maybe but not racism. My maiden name is Greek and I had people all the time ask me if I spoke it. No I don't. However I never thought of it as a racist question. Many people are proud of thier heritage and decide to learn the language or maybe they spend the summer in Greece (I'll use my own example) with family members so I learned the language that way.

On another note-I ask about other country's all the time. For example I have asked Barb about Morrocco more than once-not because I am racist but because I am curious about the country and what it is like. I could understand if I was asking her and making horrid comments about her husband and family from there but I don't see how inquiring is racist.

Maybe it is just me but I don't think of some of the things mentioned as racist.

 

[mommy2912]

Ok I obviously need to start sleeping at night as I just went back and re read the thread to see that it was mentioned that people don't actually consider the things I mentioned above as "racism" but more of an annoyance instead (which I can understand).

I'm tired and misread-my apologies!

 

[andystowing]

I am sorry for you that have experinced racial bads. No matter where or what you are there is ignorance. Take a look around it isn't just color. Take a ride in the deep south, sporting a northern license plate. I should not need to tell you the civil war has been over for many years but yet, no matter WHAt color or nationality you are, you are seen as an enemy to many still today. Back in 1973 our family went to Martinsville VA to see my sister that had moved there with her husband. His family lived in the hills, my sister and brother in law were afraid that IF we were to get lost we may never be found...... They met us in the city to ASURE my family SAFE passage to BL's family farm.
1979 I lived there for the summer to babysit my newly born niece.... I was treated by the locals like **** why because I was from the north.
2001 my brother was offered and took a job in Huntington WV. He is the manager of a very upscale Harley davidson shop. The employees hated him and tried to get him to quit why because he is from the north. My brother has balls.... he was accused of setting the slaves free ect. (This is 2001 people.) First 3 people he hired you guessed it were BLACK. He forced people to work with each other....Long story short 2005 my brother was named citicen of the year.
The ignorance of people will always be and only you can change it 1 person at a time. It is sad, but it is part of life. All you can do is grow by each and every instance. Teach your children. :huggy:

 

[lf5058]

My perspective on what "racism" is must be different than most.

For instance-when Mike was called a "spic"-yep I consider that a racial slur, just like the "n" word and many other derrogatory names referring to people of a certain race. Or when someone's little girls (can't remember who-sorry) were denied joining girl scouts due to the color of thier skin. So I would consider comments as such and actions a form of racism.

However personally I would not consider it racist if I asked (or even assumed) a certain country did not have malls or was a poor country. Or if it were assumed that a person with a certain name speaks Spanish or Italian or Greek or whatever racist. Ignorant for making an assumption-maybe but not racism. My maiden name is Greek and I had people all the time ask me if I spoke it. No I don't. However I never thought of it as a racist question. Many people are proud of thier heritage and decide to learn the language or maybe they spend the summer in Greece (I'll use my own example) with family members so I learned the language that way.

On another note-I ask about other country's all the time. For example I have asked Barb about Morrocco more than once-not because I am racist but because I am curious about the country and what it is like. I could understand if I was asking her and making horrid comments about her husband and family from there but I don't see how inquiring is racist.

Maybe it is just me but I don't think of some of the things mentioned as racist.

I wouldn't consider it racist when people asking questions about my background and my home country.
However, I could differentiate those who asked out of curiosity or just to make conversations and those who asked out of stereotyping! I suspect one may have to be there to feel the sting!