What's new
By:
Filters

And now he's eating frosting...(very long vent)

Girl, lock it with a new lock. If he dares question it, say your DD must have a key and end it at that. If he has the balls to push for a key, tell him you'll get whatever he wants and give it to him.

Don't let it go on.
 
The longer he stays the harder it may be to get him out.

Start talking with him about a plan to move out... cheep housing, transportation, that type of stuff. My MIL lived with me for over a year and it sucked! Good luck and vent all you need to
 
Keep venting! Keeping it in is unhealthy. Seriously, it is.

Post it notes are a good idea.

" It's just so embarrassing to have to tell him these things. What the heck do we say...stop eating frosting and cans of soup in your room?! "

YES, that's EXACTLY What you say. No food is to be in bedrooms. Period. Eat in the kitchen, or a snack in the living room (if you allow it); but food is NOT permitted in anyone's bedroom.

Tell him just what you would tell a child, when you take a pan out of the closet, put the others back how you found them. If you can't do that, then stay out of the closets. Tell him, thanks but no thanks on helping with laundry (his timing sucks, you are particular, etc.); and you'll happily take care of dishes, please! If he wants to help, hand him the vacuum and tell him specifically what you want him to do with it. Give him some scrubbing bubbles and a cloth and tell him the shower/tub needs to be cleaned.

Make a chore list, like you do for a child. He needs, after 6 months, to become a contributing member of the household, not a drain and a strain - not to mention a creator of more work.

Oh, the chore list, make it detailed - when, how, what to use. He's an adult, and he's no longer a guest - he's a member of the family (temporary just like a grown child who returns temporarily), so treat him like one - stop pampering him.

Make HIM go through the trash to sort out the recycles (make it his chore since he's the only one who doesn't sort).

When you find the dirty pots, call him into the kitchen and ask/tell him to please rewash them.

Search Freecycle or Craig's list for a used bicycle. YOU are not RIPTA. Have him apply for Section 8 housing - in fact, even though he is working, have him apply for public assistance to get food stamps, medicaid, and possibly some funds for transportation to and from his job (especially with the New England winter coming soon).

STOP pampering him. you are not the hilton hotel.
 
mytwosense said:
On the frosting - "Don't ingest this product unless it's on top of something cake-like"

On the soup - "This product needs to be heated and eaten out of a bowl. Can is sharp and should not touch mouth"
Click to expand...
:giggles: I know, huh?! I mean, he's doing the SAME thing my daughter's done (the frosting, anyway) and I've made a big deal about how awful and disgusting it is and that I have to lock everything up!!! And I thought that about the soup...can't believe he didn't cut himself. :gah:
 
Fun Ni Day said:
<snip>

YES, that's EXACTLY What you say. No food is to be in bedrooms. Period. Eat in the kitchen, or a snack in the living room (if you allow it); but food is NOT permitted in anyone's bedroom.

Make a chore list, like you do for a child. He needs, after 6 months, to become a contributing member of the household, not a drain and a strain - not to mention a creator of more work.

Oh, the chore list, make it detailed - when, how, what to use. He's an adult, and he's no longer a guest - he's a member of the family (temporary just like a grown child who returns temporarily), so treat him like one - stop pampering him.

Make HIM go through the trash to sort out the recycles (make it his chore since he's the only one who doesn't sort).

When you find the dirty pots, call him into the kitchen and ask/tell him to please rewash them.

Search Freecycle or Craig's list for a used bicycle. YOU are not RIPTA. Have him apply for Section 8 housing - in fact, even though he is working, have him apply for public assistance to get food stamps, medicaid, and possibly some funds for transportation to and from his job (especially with the New England winter coming soon).

STOP pampering him. you are not the hilton hotel.
Click to expand...
Thanks for all that. You're right. Funny though...he DID try to get food stamps when he was unemployed but it didn't work out...according to the paperwork, they wanted the names, SS#, etc...of everyone that lives here but there was no way in hell we would give out our info. Plus we aren't supporting him (except for putting a roof over his head, etc...) so I don't know why we would have to give our info. 'Course, he IS a bit...ummm...well, let's just say that I don't think he's very pushy and maybe doesn't get the facts straight all the time.

Also, he does give me gas money. He's working on getting a license but that's yet another can of worms. He couldn't possibly bike all the way to his work...it's about 20-30 minutes away and down two major highways. I hope these don't sound like excuses...I certainly don't mean for them to be.

Hmmm...lots of thinking to do. I even talked to my husband and suggested he open the frosting and make it look like the dog got a hold of it or something but we got home before he did, lol.

Oh (I keep re-reading your post)...I go through his trash b/c I just don't want to confront him about all the things he's doing. Guess we'll have to.
 
That's malarky about providing your SS#s. I hate to say this, but you probably need to go with him to fill out the paperwork. Now that he is working, he is still entitled to food stamps (it's based on income and outgo). And he could say he is paying you $25 per week RENT for a "room" with (or even without) kitchen privileges and then he could actually pay you that. He can also list the amount he pays you towards gas (transportation costs) and that would eventually get him on a bus/buses to work. There generally is a preliminary inspection to make sure he really has a room.

Food stamp and medical - pre-application screening
https://www.screening.dhs.ri.gov/English/home.cfm
Step 1 - Eligibility Self-Screening Questions

Do you currently live in Rhode Island? Y N

Are you a U.S. Citizen or lawfully admitted alien? Y N

Do you have children under the age of 19? Y N

Is anyone in your household pregnant? Y N

Please list monthly income amounts below:
Gross Wages / Self Employment
SSI
From all other sources

How many people live in your household? (Include yourself) This is the question you need to watch - HE is his OWN household of ONE - he probably listed your family the first time.

How much do the members of your household have in the following types of resources, such as:
Cash
Savings account
Checking account
Other (CD's, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, IRA)

Do you own any real property in which you do not live? Y N

Are you at least 65 years old, or blind, or disabled? Y N
If yes, are you married and living with your spouse? Y N [/COLOR][/COLOR]
 
Thanks, everyone. I do appreciate being able to vent. I have a terrible headache tonight...I think between all this, my daughter, the humidity today (hey, it's the end of Sept., people!)...I just feel awful. I took some Excedrin PM and should go to bed.
 
deadbugdoug said:
My opinions -

1) He's an adult and should have some responsibility. You have given him many breaks but don't let it go too far and don't let him take advantage. Doing certain things earlier than later is better. One thing I'd do is charge him some rent if he has income. Another is discuss with him the expectation that he get a full time job and move out. This is your house and it is obviously very nice what you're doing but also obvious that it is irritating you quite a bit. From what I've read, he is an old friend but not either of your's best friend in the world. Some people have a knack of always having "bad luck" - you already mentioned most of his luck is self inflicted. It isn't your responsibility to make up for that. Easier said than done, I know...but still.

2) Have a discussion about certain things like food. Tell him what is bothering you - or at least some of it. You have a right to expect certain things.

3) #1 and #2 obviously are done in a friendly way. But not too friendly that he doesn't get the message.

4) Some people are just slobs about certain things. If you're going to keep him, that probably isn't going to change. Improve a bit maybe. My MIL (who basically lives in our house during the day as she watches the kids) drives me nuts about the dishwasher - how do you stack a bowl on a bowl and expect it to get clean!!!!
Click to expand...


MY husband does that and wonders why when I empty the dishwasher after he "washes" it I pretty much just unload it so I can rewash it.


BF --:huggy: Houseguests can be rough, I used to have my brother and neice live with me and OMG I hated it. (lasted 2yrs too)
 
halas2001 said:
MY husband does that and wonders why when I empty the dishwasher after he "washes" it I pretty much just unload it so I can rewash it.


BF --:huggy: Houseguests can be rough, I used to have my brother and neice live with me and OMG I hated it. (lasted 2yrs too)
Click to expand...
Both at the same time?! Oh...the niece must have been your brother's daughter, lol...took me a sec to figure that one out. And you'd think your husband would get it...then again, neither does the houseguest. I mean, you'd think that he'd notice that everything is in a different place than where he put it originally. :gah:
 
halas2001 said:
MY husband does that and wonders why when I empty the dishwasher after he "washes" it I pretty much just unload it so I can rewash it.
Click to expand...

Hey, sounds like we're related?! Either your husband has a long-lost sister or you have a long-lost brother.

My husband used to try to "rearrange" the dishwasher after me, flipping things around to maximize efficiency and minimize water collection. He somehow sees dishwasher loading as a challenge that requires strategy to get the perfect arrangement of dirty dishes. I see it as a damned chore.

Anywoo, I finally got fed up and threatened to smash his fingers in the door if he tried it again. I do take responsibility for my actions, though. I dry off the containers with pooled water as I put them away.

By the way, BF, I completely hear you on being non-confrontational with your houseguest. :surrender: My advise it to pick one area and just be truthful in a matter-of-fact way. :bee: 'Course I should tell you I prolly wouldn't be able to follow my own advise. :lol: My back up advise it to get a new lock. :bowing:
 
BF, I think you should put on your infractionator hat and get to infractionating. :lol:
You're way too nice. After a month, that non-sense would have been stopped in my house. Heck, he wouldn't even be in my house.
 
Tazznum1 said:
Heck, he wouldn't even be in my house.
Click to expand...

Not mine either. Hell, I make sure I have no room available for anybody to stay. The only free room where somebody could potentially sleep belongs to the cats. 'Nuff said . . . . .
 
I guess I'll never understand the "guest room" people have in their houses. It's like inviting trouble. :lol:
 
Tazznum1 said:
I guess I'll never understand the "guest room" people have in their houses. It's like inviting trouble. :lol:
Click to expand...
LOL! We sure didn't have a 'guest room'...just an extra room that we turned into a guest room when we started getting panicked emails from overseas. 'Course, once he's gone, I'll have a nice craft (or whatever) room. :bowing:
 
Well, I guess I'll have to sit down with my husband and figure some things out. He does pay for gas (and honestly, it's probably about ten bucks more than it's costing me but I guess we'll call that 'wear and tear'!). And he's paid back for things he's borrowed money for and picks up a few groceries...maybe we should talk about some sort of 'rent', even if it's only $50 or $100 to help with water, electric, etc...my thinking was that if we didn't charge rent, he could move out sooner, kwim?

My husband did talk to him yesterday and I think the 'too gross to mention' is cleared up. Now if we can only get him to turn off the TV when he leaves his room, etc...
 
bargainfiend said:
my thinking was that if we didn't charge rent, he could move out sooner, kwim?
Click to expand...
Wouldn't it be the other way around? If you were charging, he'd have more incentive to move. Right now, he gets it all for free - why would he want to leave?

bargainfiend said:
My husband did talk to him yesterday and I think the 'too gross to mention' is cleared up.
Click to expand...
We're still waiting to hear the details . . . . . :hurt:
 
At least u know that eventually ur house guest will leave. My house guest is my MIl she has been here 5 yrs and she drives me insane.:gah: There are so many things that she does that get under my skin. Since i have started couponing i have stockpiled on toothbrushes and toothpaste. She feels the need to take one every time she goes to one of her sons houses. She has 4 different houses that she goes to. She needs a new toothbrush and paste every time. Then she will wash only two items in the washer. I tell her put ur stuff with mine ill do it all together. No she has to just run a full large load for a shirt. Then the killer for me is when she walks in my house with her flipslops that she was just wearing out. I have house flip flops that i bought her but no she has to wear those disgusting,nasty,dirty, germ infested shoes in my nice clean house, mind u i have all beige carpeting in whe whole house. I think she does it on purpose. Sometimes i just want to kill her. To my knowledge she aint going no where. One day im gonna take off her flip flop and beat her with it.:roll: Then maybe she'll get the hint
 
babie said:
At least u know that eventually ur house guest will leave. My house guest is my MIl she has been here 5 yrs and she drives me insane.:gah: There are so many things that she does that get under my skin. Since i have started couponing i have stockpiled on toothbrushes and toothpaste. She feels the need to take one every time she goes to one of her sons houses. She has 4 different houses that she goes to. She needs a new toothbrush and paste every time. Then she will wash only two items in the washer. I tell her put ur stuff with mine ill do it all together. No she has to just run a full large load for a shirt. Then the killer for me is when she walks in my house with her flipslops that she was just wearing out. I have house flip flops that i bought her but no she has to wear those disgusting,nasty,dirty, germ infested shoes in my nice clean house, mind u i have all beige carpeting in whe whole house. I think she does it on purpose. Sometimes i just want to kill her. To my knowledge she aint going no where. One day im gonna take off her flip flop and beat her with it.:roll: Then maybe she'll get the hint
Click to expand...

You live anywhere near BF? Maybe your MIL and her house "guest" can be roomies. :lol:
 
Believe me if i could get rid of her i would. I wish i could find her a roommate. **** i'll even pay their rent.:lol:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top