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Have you ever refused a gift? why?

K

KG

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Sometimes when people give gifts, it's a genuine gift because someone else wants to make another person happy. Other times, there are expectations or other strings attached and things can get sticky or awkward.

Have you ever refused a gift? What was it, why did you refuse it, and how did you do so?

I'm especially interested in if anyone has ever refused a check (or cash), how you refused it or sent it back, and why. :bee: Did you cut it into tiny little pieces first?!
 
If something is a gift there are no strings attached.:cartwheel:
 
KG said:
Sometimes when people give gifts, it's a genuine gift because someone else wants to make another person happy. Other times, there are expectations or other strings attached and things can get sticky or awkward.

Have you ever refused a gift? What was it, why did you refuse it, and how did you do so?

I'm especially interested in if anyone has ever refused a check (or cash), how you refused it or sent it back, and why. :bee: Did you cut it into tiny little pieces first?!
Click to expand...

Back a few years, my aunt and her twins were here for a visit. She was staying with relatives near Kenosha. I live way up north, but drove down, spent a couple of days there too. A day or two after I got home, I got a phone call from her asking if I could come and get her and the girls. I didn't even hesitate, pretty much just jumped in the car and left (had an overnight bag in there still). 4 hours later I picked up her and the girls, we drove to Chicago and spent the night and the next day. Lots of drama went on where she was staying with her aunt. Anyway, she wrote me a check to help pay for my expenses in doing that for her.

I never cashed the check, even though I could have definitely used the money. A year or so later I went out to visit her. The day before I left to come home, I ripped the check in half and put it somewhere I knew she would find it after I left.
 
I just thought of something....

Over the years, when older relatives have died we have recieved money from them through our parents. DH and I think that it is kind of tacky for us (no judgement implied on those who think differently) to run around and spend "death money" (what we call it-lol) on stuff like furniture or material goods.

Doesn't seem right to us that we spend someone's hard earned money in that manner (again, no judgement for others that feel differently).

We put the money in our kids college funds and hopefully over the years we will keep adding to it so that there is enough principal that their heirs will be able to just use interest for eduation. Therefore, hopefully, my grandma will be able to help her great great whatever go to college.

Instead of refusing, we re-allocate.
 
Hmmm...interesting.

Barb...can I pay you to be my friend? Please, please, please? :lol: Gotcha on that one. It's a little too weird. The bribe, that is. Not being my friend. ;)

I can't think of an example, but I'm sure there are some out there. Depending on the situation, I would refuse - or just not cash it if it were a check. Unless drama was needed to emphasize just how much I would NOT cash it. Then it'd be cut up. :)

So who did what and whatcha gonna do?
 
agilmer2002 said:
I just thought of something....

Over the years, when older relatives have died we have recieved money from them through our parents. DH and I think that it is kind of tacky for us (no judgement implied on those who think differently) to run around and spend "death money" (what we call it-lol) on stuff like furniture or material goods.

Doesn't seem right to us that we spend someone's hard earned money in that manner (again, no judgement for others that feel differently).

We put the money in our kids college funds and hopefully over the years we will keep adding to it so that there is enough principal that their heirs will be able to just use interest for eduation. Therefore, hopefully, my grandma will be able to help her great great whatever go to college.

Instead of refusing, we re-allocate.
Click to expand...

That makes sense and is what I imagine I would do. Although you just made me realize that I know people like you described who use the $ and go hog-wild. Guess I just don't relate to that way of thinking. :9:
 
agilmer2002 said:
I just thought of something....

Over the years, when older relatives have died we have recieved money from them through our parents. DH and I think that it is kind of tacky for us (no judgement implied on those who think differently) to run around and spend "death money" (what we call it-lol) on stuff like furniture or material goods.

Doesn't seem right to us that we spend someone's hard earned money in that manner (again, no judgement for others that feel differently).

We put the money in our kids college funds and hopefully over the years we will keep adding to it so that there is enough principal that their heirs will be able to just use interest for eduation. Therefore, hopefully, my grandma will be able to help her great great whatever go to college.

Instead of refusing, we re-allocate.
Click to expand...

Great idea!

If I would have received money from my grandparents I would have put it to good use like this too. I am seeing just how much it costs to go back to school, and something like this would take a little pressure off of me and I wouldn't be stressing about bills and lack of money. The only good thing about paying for school myself is that I am taking it seriously since I am the one paying for it and trying to get the best grades that I can.
 
I always accept cash. Unless the people giving it to me are weird, I usually accept what is given to me. I figure I would be insulting them if I didn't accept it. I almost always try and gift them back as well in some form or another.



M
 
We have returned checks that my inlaws send DH for his birthday. We have not had contact in 8ish years except for 1 funeral. After FIL told dh that he should kill himself and be done with it, we want nothing to do with them and certainly do not want them to say to anyone else in the family that we 'take' anything from them.
 
I have refused a gift in the form of a check. It was for Christmas and was from my dad. Long story short...I told him about 2 years ago that I no longer wanted him in my life because I did not want my children to be let down by him throughout their lives as I had through mine. Anyways, my brother had warned it was coming in the mail so when I got the envelope I didn't even open it, I just wrote return to sender/REFUSED on the envelope and sent it back.
 
kaeg1 said:
We have returned checks that my inlaws send DH for his birthday. We have not had contact in 8ish years except for 1 funeral. After FIL told dh that he should kill himself and be done with it, we want nothing to do with them and certainly do not want them to say to anyone else in the family that we 'take' anything from them.
Click to expand...

:huggy: how terrible. You're doing what's right for you guys. I'm sorry they're so toxic.
 
Wow, so many things come to mind. Right now I am looking at a $1600 check that was given to us in December, to be used for a specific upgrade in a 2nd home we purchased last year. But since that specific upgrade can not be done for $1600, I either add my own money to it to get what we really would need, but I don't have money for that right now. Or we say thanks but that's not enough?? How rude... Or we spend it on something else? Again, rude. So here is sits, uncashed. Don't really know what to do with it. Awkward
 
Debra said:
Wow, so many things come to mind. Right now I am looking at a $1600 check that was given to us in December, to be used for a specific upgrade in a 2nd home we purchased last year. But since that specific upgrade can not be done for $1600, I either add my own money to it to get what we really would need, but I don't have money for that right now. Or we say thanks but that's not enough?? How rude... Or we spend it on something else? Again, rude. So here is sits, uncashed. Don't really know what to do with it. Awkward
Click to expand...

Put it in a bank account and let it accumulate interest. At least until you decide what to do with it (might as well make money off it).



M
 
jll2375 said:
Great idea!

If I would have received money from my grandparents I would have put it to good use like this too. I am seeing just how much it costs to go back to school, and something like this would take a little pressure off of me and I wouldn't be stressing about bills and lack of money. The only good thing about paying for school myself is that I am taking it seriously since I am the one paying for it and trying to get the best grades that I can.
Click to expand...


Oh yeah, they goof off- they get cut off. NO MORE dollas! But my kids are still little so I got time to beat that into them (figuratively, not literally-lol).
 
kaeg1 said:
We have returned checks that my inlaws send DH for his birthday. We have not had contact in 8ish years except for 1 funeral. After FIL told dh that he should kill himself and be done with it, we want nothing to do with them and certainly do not want them to say to anyone else in the family that we 'take' anything from them.
Click to expand...

And THIS would be one of those examples... - snip - snip - snip -
 
KG said:
Sometimes when people give gifts, it's a genuine gift because someone else wants to make another person happy. Other times, there are expectations or other strings attached and things can get sticky or awkward.

Have you ever refused a gift? What was it, why did you refuse it, and how did you do so?

I'm especially interested in if anyone has ever refused a check (or cash), how you refused it or sent it back, and why. :bee: Did you cut it into tiny little pieces first?!
Click to expand...

yes i have refused gifts. one of my ex's and I were in a very bad abusive relationship. on ALL SIDES. though he was physically abusive . after we broke up for GOOD and he stalked me a while, he started giving me little gifts. and i kept refusing them. when he took to just leaving them on my porch i took to depositiing them in his parents mail box no matter what they were(candy flavored condoms must have made his mom PROUD as heck to get)
 
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