Have you ever refused a gift? why?

[lavendergirl]

My husband refused a 42 inch plasma TV a couple months ago. He had attended a meeting to see the products they had to offer. He got a call a couple of days later to tell him that he won the TV. My husband had never participated in the drawing, so he refused it. I told him he was crazy, but then he explained why. They were trying to make him by their products.

 

[Mikerocosms]

Plasmas usually have very bad glare anyways. I think I would have found a way to accept the tv though without buying anything.



M

 

[KG]

So who did what and whatcha gonna do?

:lol: not you babe! It's nobody on here. No CW drama here today:cartwheel:

I'm just kind of wondering if anyone else ever feels like they're too old to take money (or receive it as a gift) from their parents.

 

[fords8]

:lol: not you babe! It's nobody on here. No CW drama here today:cartwheel:

I'm just kind of wondering if anyone else ever feels like they're too old to take money (or receive it as a gift) from their parents.

Hellz no! :lol: Every year for Christmas DH's grandparents gives us (and all of their married grandchildren) $500. Last year MIL and FIL gave us a 5 digit check for our anniversary. They came into some money from an aunt who passed and shared.

I guess it would be different if we needed the money and I got it from them, but a gift I'll take.

So how much ya git? :bee:

 

[NoHio]

:lol: not you babe! It's nobody on here. No CW drama here today:cartwheel:

I'm just kind of wondering if anyone else ever feels like they're too old to take money (or receive it as a gift) from their parents.

I guess it depends on whether your parents have more money than you or not. In our family my grandparents have more money than my parents, and my parents have more money than us because they all believed in saving for retirement. So my parents don't think anything of getting money gifts from their parents because they know they can afford it. And of course we don't mind getting money gifts from our parents either.

 

[KG]

Hellz no! :lol: Every year for Christmas DH's grandparents gives us (and all of their married grandchildren) $500. Last year MIL and FIL gave us a 5 digit check for our anniversary. They came into some money from an aunt who passed and shared.

I guess it would be different if we needed the money and I got it from them, but a gift I'll take.

So how much ya git? :bee:

$100 from my parents for our anniversary. I dunno why, but receiving a check from my parents or his always makes me feel a little bit awkward. Just wondered if anyone else felt the same... or had any stories about refusing a gift in general :bee:

I do realize it makes me look like a jerk to complain about receiving money when so many people are struggling, so I'm not complaining. Just wondering.

 

[fords8]

MIL gives us money for every occasion. She even stopped over recently and gave us $50 for the trip we're taking next week and gave each of the boys $10. She gives $50 for birthdays and more for anniversaries, etc. along with a gift.

My parents aren't and never have been money givers, they give gifts.

MIL and her parents have the "charity begins at home" mentality and share with family rather than charities (other than their church).

 

[natadash]

I don't usually cash checks sent to me because I know we're in a better spot than others in my family.

When DH and I first got together, he still had a credit card with the bill going to his parents. (He was 25 and an only child.) For Father's Day that year, he gave it back. His Dad asked him to keep it ... I thought that was a little weird and showed a lack of boundaries. So, I was so happy when DH said that it was time he grew up.

They do offer to buy us "things" when they come to visit. We've turned down some offers. But, mostly, we've come to realize that their Language of Love (google it!) is gift giving. So, we accept this and allow them to show their love this way.

If we ever felt a gift was given is a way that was controlling (strings), we would turn it down.

 

[natadash]

$100 from my parents for our anniversary. I dunno why, but receiving a check from my parents or his always makes me feel a little bit awkward. Just wondered if anyone else felt the same... or had any stories about refusing a gift in general :bee:

I do realize it makes me look like a jerk to complain about receiving money when so many people are struggling, so I'm not complaining. Just wondering.

Oh, goodness ... TAKE IT!!! Use it to pay for a night out and write them a nice thank you note explaining how much fun you had! Telling someone EXACTLY how you used the money usually helps accepting the money feel better. There's no guilt that you may have over feeling like you've wasted the money.

 

[focadima]

my in laws give us a check every year for our anniversary ( in March) every year we use it to buy our annuals--MIL knows it--and since she is a big time gardener it makes her double happy!

 

[KG]

Oh, goodness ... TAKE IT!!! Use it to pay for a night out and write them a nice thank you note explaining how much fun you had! Telling someone EXACTLY how you used the money usually helps accepting the money feel better. There's no guilt that you may have over feeling like you've wasted the money.

Juuuust hypothetically, would it change your answer if my mom said she was surprised we stayed married this long? :bee:

 

[natadash]

Juuuust hypothetically, would it change your answer if my mom said she was surprised we stayed married this long? :bee:

If it was said at the same time the "gift" was given ... then ... YES! Just don't cash it.

Although, I'm passive agressive and might do something like tell cash it and send her a note saying you spent it on marriage counseling.

 

[fords8]

Juuuust hypothetically, would it change your answer if my mom said she was surprised we stayed married this long? :bee:

Why did she say that? :tap:

 

[KG]

Why did she say that? :tap:

I'm not entirely sure. What do you think?

This is the way she is, the way I've always known her. She's harsh one day, then generous the next. I don't have a great relationship with her, but when she needs anything I'm there in a heartbeat because she is my mom and I know she won't be around forever. I always keep my distance from her emotionally though. My sisters and brother all moved 500+ miles away (from her!) -- I think that speaks volumes.

My 6 year old cat died 3 years ago after illness and surgery. Anyone who knows me, knows that was a difficult time for me. The only thing she ever said to me about it was "I think the neighbors cat just had kittens, should I tell them you want one?"

 

[KG]

If it was said at the same time the "gift" was given ... then ... YES! Just don't cash it.

Although, I'm passive agressive and might do something like tell cash it and send her a note saying you spent it on marriage counseling.

very funny :giggles: I may think about using this.

 

[fords8]

I'm not entirely sure. What do you think?

This is the way she is, the way I've always known her. She's harsh one day, then generous the next. I don't have a great relationship with her, but when she needs anything I'm there in a heartbeat because she is my mom and I know she won't be around forever. I always keep my distance from her emotionally though. My sisters and brother all moved 500+ miles away (from her!) -- I think that speaks volumes.

My 6 year old cat died 3 years ago after illness and surgery. Anyone who knows me, knows that was a difficult time for me. The only thing she ever said to me about it was "I think the neighbors cat just had kittens, should I tell them you want one?"

Wow. Does she not like your DH or something? Did she not learn love from her Mom or something?

Sounds like keeping an emotional distance is a good idea. :huggy:

 

[MommyBeth04]

Okay, I'm a little late, but just thought of one. My MIL and FIL offered to pay for the videographer at our wedding. Seems like a nice gesture, until you find out I didn't want one there. I had been to several weddings with obnoxious videographers and just wasn't interested in dealing with it. MIL couldn't understand how I could possibly want to get married without one and decided it must be a money issue. Her solution...it'll be our gift to you. NO THANK YOU!

 

[KG]

Wow. Does she not like your DH or something? Did she not learn love from her Mom or something?

Sounds like keeping an emotional distance is a good idea. :huggy:

Thanks!

I have a very small extended family. My mom has one sister. Their mom (my grandma), is 93 and I love her dearly!! BUT grandma totally plays her 2 daughters (and my cousin) off on each other for attention, favors, trips, etc, and has for as long as I can remember; it's gotten a lot worse since my grandpa died in the late '80's. AND my aunt is grandma's favorite and lives nearer to grandma. So I know my mom feels left out -- I remember consoling her about this on my birthday last year when she was crying on the phone because of something grandma did or said to her.

The generous/mean dichotomy isn't limited to just me -- she seems to take turns dishing it out on all her kids. My 2 sisters and brother (and future SIL) and I are all close to each other now as adults and I think she might be jealous of that. I can tell she's checking up on how close we are and how often we talk... like when she gets some new bit of information, she'll call me and give me some info about my sister, and then she'll ask me if my sis told me that already... it's as if my mom wants to know she found out first. Ugh. I don't even care who found out first!

My younger sis and my brother are both getting married next spring. this stresses my mom out a LOT and I don't completely understand why. She's not paying anything for either wedding, but she has a lot of expectations and demands (she is pushing my sister around a lot!) and I just don't get why she can't be happy for them both and just enjoy what the couples want to do.

As to my husband, I don't know why she wouldn't like him, but yeah, we kinda get that vibe (she also had/has issues with my older sis' husband, my brother's fiance, and my younger sis' boyfriends.. ). My husband is the most loving and supportive person I've ever met. He has always, always been there for me, listened and taken care of me, something I can't really say about her.

 

[KG]

Okay, I'm a little late, but just thought of one. My MIL and FIL offered to pay for the videographer at our wedding. Seems like a nice gesture, until you find out I didn't want one there. I had been to several weddings with obnoxious videographers and just wasn't interested in dealing with it. MIL couldn't understand how I could possibly want to get married without one and decided it must be a money issue. Her solution...it'll be our gift to you. NO THANK YOU!

How did they react when you told them no? I feel the same way you do about videographers!

 

[fords8]

My husband is the most loving and supportive person I've ever met. He has always, always been there for me, listened and taken care of me, something I can't really say about her.

Well there ya go. You're truly blessed.