I'm back....Thanks for understanding

[KjAthena]

OK guys...I'm back. Thank you to everyone who emailed or called. 3-D life got very stressful and I wanted to insure I did not loose my temper and get banned. I had a number of thing hit all at once.

1. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and really want to get back to work
2. I had found my special cat that had been missing for a couple of weeks dead in
my yard.
3. New people moved in next door and are complaining about EVERYTHING from when
we keep our trash cans to what time we come in after a show, our dogs, and on
and on and on,
4. Trouble with a local pirate (not dangerous but constant and anoying(sp?)
5. DH has a "karaoke groupie" turned stalker and she is not mentally stable.

I realize nobody here can help with any of these situations except maybe suggestions on what to do about #5...I'd really prefer not to have to get the law involved if I can help it (no DH has not done anything to encourage her behavior...he treats her like every other singer).
Please understand if I am not as active here for awhile because I will be monitoring my attitude and only post when I can "play nice"

Thanks again for all the calls and emails

 

[c. staley]

OK guys...I'm back. Thank you to everyone who emailed or called. 3-D life got very stressful and I wanted to insure I did not loose my temper and get banned. I had a number of thing hit all at once.

1. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and really want to get back to work
2. I had found my special cat that had been missing for a couple of weeks dead in
my yard.
3. New people moved in next door and are complaining about EVERYTHING from when
we keep our trash cans to what time we come in after a show, our dogs, and on
and on and on,
4. Trouble with a local pirate (not dangerous but constant and anoying(sp?)
5. DH has a "karaoke groupie" turned stalker and she is not mentally stable.

I realize nobody here can help with any of these situations except maybe suggestions on what to do about #5...I'd really prefer not to have to get the law involved if I can help it (no DH has not done anything to encourage her behavior...he treats her like every other singer).
Please understand if I am not as active here for awhile because I will be monitoring my attitude and only post when I can "play nice"

Thanks again for all the calls and emails

Sorry to hear of all your problems Athena.... but in regards to #4... Weren't all the pirates swept away from your area?

 

[KjAthena]

no still in process 12 down due to settlement or just leaving the biz....quite a few more to go but getting there slowly but surely. Before the lawsuits they were increasing a few each month

 

[JoeChartreuse]

OK guys...I'm back. Thank you to everyone who emailed or called. 3-D life got very stressful and I wanted to insure I did not loose my temper and get banned. I had a number of thing hit all at once.

1. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and really want to get back to work
2. I had found my special cat that had been missing for a couple of weeks dead in
my yard.
3. New people moved in next door and are complaining about EVERYTHING from when
we keep our trash cans to what time we come in after a show, our dogs, and on
and on and on,
4. Trouble with a local pirate (not dangerous but constant and anoying(sp?)
5. DH has a "karaoke groupie" turned stalker and she is not mentally stable.

I realize nobody here can help with any of these situations except maybe suggestions on what to do about #5...I'd really prefer not to have to get the law involved if I can help it (no DH has not done anything to encourage her behavior...he treats her like every other singer).
Please understand if I am not as active here for awhile because I will be monitoring my attitude and only post when I can "play nice"

Thanks again for all the calls and emails

Sorry about everything, especially, your beloved cat- that hurts.

As for number 5, the stalker: I think all of us have run into this. I'm assuming that you two keep your residence to yourselves. It's up to the DH to solve the problem. A direct talk with the stalker COULD help- depending on the level of instability. After that, he needs to enlist the cooperation of the venue in keeping her out.

 

[Diafel]

Sorry abot everything, especially, you beloved cat- that hurts.

As for nuber 5, the stalker: I thing all of us have run into this. I'm assuming that you two keep your residence to yourselves. It's up to the DH to solve the problem. A direct talk with the stalker COULD help- depending on the level of instability. After that, he needs to enlist the cooperation of the venue in keeping her out.

I would also advocate involving the police, as much as you don't want to. Mentally unstable people are highly unpredictable people and they can snap at any time. There is no real way for anyone to tell when that will be, either. For your hubby's and your own safety, I strongly urge you to contact the authorities on this and if not lodge a full complaint, at the very least, ask their advice on how to handle it. They deal with this kind of thing on a regular basis and can perhaps give you insight, if nothing else.

 

[KjAthena]

Well Joe he has already tried the "talking to her route". We tried the having me come and talk to her route(our step 2 this usually works)...she keeps having gifts delivered(that are returned) 3 nights ago she showed up on my doorstep (she followed him home one night per her words) to tell me how I was not good enough for him and how she was going to end up with him "one way or another". She has been banned from 2 venues and now sits across the street until he leaves. She claims he is her soulmate and has stated this to lots of people. He has done nothing to encourage her (other than be polite,complment her singing and dance with her and others at the show)this I know for a fact....from "our talk" the other night I know she is more than a little unstable....have spoken with a cop that is a friend but until she does something it seems we have no path to follow legally so any suggestions are welcome.

 

[JoeChartreuse]

OK, two things. First, you never told me the DH's name was Joe. That would explain her unrequited love...:laughpill:

OK, that aside, another way for him to deal with her is body language.. He should always make sure never to face her directly. At most, make sure that his side is to her. Never a touch, and make sure all conversation is minimal. If she is a singer, try "accidentally" knocking her down in the order. Maybe set her vocals to non-reverb, completely flat. Just say something like "that was so and so" after the song, and go right to the next singer.

In other words, very subtly make the experience a little less pleasant for her each time.

I know I sound like an egotistical jerk here, but over the decades I have faced this often. In the end, you have to do what you have to do.

 

[KjAthena]

Thank you Joe and Diafel for taking time to answer. No Joe I was "speaking to you" in the last post LOL not about the DH. I will bring up the body language suggestions to DH...it may be a bit hard for him to make the change as he is a "old style southern gentleman" by nature but it might help. Dialfel I will speak with the authorities again. I can protect myself but worry a bit about DH as he is often unaware of danger.

 

[c. staley]

Well Joe he has already tried the "talking to her route". We tried the having me come and talk to her route(our step 2 this usually works)...she keeps having gifts delivered(that are returned) 3 nights ago she showed up on my doorstep (she followed him home one night per her words) to tell me how I was not good enough for him and how she was going to end up with him "one way or another". She has been banned from 2 venues and now sits across the street until he leaves. She claims he is her soulmate and has stated this to lots of people. He has done nothing to encourage her (other than be polite,complment her singing and dance with her and others at the show)this I know for a fact....from "our talk" the other night I know she is more than a little unstable....have spoken with a cop that is a friend but until she does something it seems we have no path to follow legally so any suggestions are welcome.

I NEVER dance with patrons under any circumstances. Otherwise, they will begin to think that you are not just "friendly" but some kind of "close friend" or worse. When I first got into this business, I thought it was okay... then I learned when all kinds of weird things were happening along with the "stalker syndrome" like patrons thinking you could "spot them a beer" or give them a ride or loan them money and the weirdest one of all for me was a woman calling me at 3:30 in the morning wanting me to get up, get dressed and drive 45 minutes and bail her drunk **** out jail for a DUI.

Stoopid (with 2 "o's").....

Now patrons understand that I am "friendly" and "personable" but NOT "close friends." And it doesn't matter if they are a regular or not.

 

[Diafel]

have spoken with a cop that is a friend but until she does something it seems we have no path to follow legally so any suggestions are welcome.

Are you saying your state doesn't have stalking laws in this day and age? I would double check again, perhaps with someone other than your friend.
From what you are describing, it is well past time to involve the authorities. She showed up at your house and confronted you! My goodness! This woman is far past the "bothering" stage and well into the downright "creepy and dangerous"!

 

[JoeChartreuse]

Are you saying your state doesn't have stalking laws in this day and age? I would double check again, perhaps with someone other than your friend.
From what you are describing, it is well past time to involve the authorities. She showed up at your house and confronted you! My goodness! This woman is far past the "bothering" stage and well into the downright "creepy and dangerous"!

Oops. If she's bringing it to your home then Diafel is absolutely right. It's not about work anymore, and it's time to call the authorities. You might start with a restraining order. She will, of course, break it. However, you will then have some recourse.

 

[KJSandman]

How about you find a HUGE thug and dress him up in all black sweats with a hoodie. Then whenever you notice Stalker-Lady, you send thug over to stand nearby and act like he doesn't want to be seen while he STARES at her. NO VERBAL CONTACT. Thug then signs for/refuses all gifts. Thug drives DH & you to and from gigs. Thug follows Stalker-Lady and waits outside bathroom doors, gets on the bus with her, follows her home, waits for her lunch break and waves to her from accross the street and all the while, with a piece of notebook paper taped to his chest with a crudely drawn "I -heart- U Stalker-Lady" image on it.

Just kidding.

Restraining order. Documentation. Video recording of any and all interaction. Not kidding.

 

[KjAthena]

sandman u crack me up.....talking to DA on monday

 

[jclaydon]

How about you find a HUGE thug and dress him up in all black sweats with a hoodie. Then whenever you notice Stalker-Lady, you send thug over to stand nearby and act like he doesn't want to be seen while he STARES at her. NO VERBAL CONTACT. Thug then signs for/refuses all gifts. Thug drives DH & you to and from gigs. Thug follows Stalker-Lady and waits outside bathroom doors, gets on the bus with her, follows her home, waits for her lunch break and waves to her from accross the street and all the while, with a piece of notebook paper taped to his chest with a crudely drawn "I -heart- U Stalker-Lady" image on it.

Just kidding.

Restraining order. Documentation. Video recording of any and all interaction. Not kidding.

Ok I know what is actually happening isn't funny but this just about made me do a spit-take all over my TV screen.

Thanks for the laugh sandman

-James

 

[Diafel]

Ok I know what is actually happening isn't funny but this just about made me do a spit-take all over my TV screen.

Thanks for the laugh sandman

-James

Not to highjack, but I was once stalked and some guy friends "took care" of it for me in a similar manner. It was rather enjoyable from my point of view, after being terrified, to see the tables turned. To be clear, this was long ago, in the days before law enforcement took stalking seriously....

 

[Guest]

1. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and really want to get back to work

Are you seriously ill - or just run down? For the former you're health is your priority and it involves a lot more than simply feeding and resting yourself. If it is the latter - then the same thing applies. Your health begins in your head. It starts whith what you choose to do and think about. It results from what you are grateful for and what you choose to view as a problem.

2. I had found my special cat that had been missing for a couple of weeks dead in
my yard.

I'm sorry about the loss of your pet.
Now back to your health: Cats are not special - you make them special. Be grateful that you can enjoy a pet and all that comes with that but, refrain from assigning them human qualities. For example, pets don't lick you because they love you. You taste salty and it gets them attention. Pets get bored or lonesome but, not sad. You on the other hand need attention for reasons that go well beyond alleviating boredom. It's one of the reasons you're so prolific on chat boards. You mentioned "dog(s)" - plural? I think having a pet is great. Just be careful to have few enough pets that thay they don't push the real people away (like new neighbors.)

3. New people moved in next door and are complaining about EVERYTHING from when
we keep our trash cans to what time we come in after a show, our dogs, and on
and on and on,

Focus on being grateful for the opportunity to have new neighbors and potential friends. Also, note that while you and others around you may have accepted certain things - that does not make them a correct or acceptable standard for any given neighborhood.

If you are running a business out of your home - it is you that is imposing on others since this is rarely allowed in residential zoning. The burden of accommodation rests with you and your business. Unlike your other neighbors who have grown accustomed or are indifferent to your activity; these new neighbors bring with them a fresh expectation and understanding of residential living. It is necessary then for you to begin a new - and review your business and other affairs to see that you are indeed being mindful and respectful of other's residential needs and rights. Be grateful for the reminder and opportunity they present.

4. Trouble with a local pirate (not dangerous but constant and anoying(sp?)[

Let's return to your health - and what you choose to dwell on. "trouble with a local pirate" isn't even possible unless you choose to make it your problem.
I guarantee you that there are far more "pirates" around you than you will ever realize. The ones that affect you are the ones with whom you choose to pre-occupy your mind. Give yourself a healthy break. Be grateful that you don't need to resort to that kind of activity. Be grateful that successful results do not come from the mere possessin of a song or even a whole collection of tracks.

5. DH has a "karaoke groupie" turned stalker and she is not mentally stable.

Implement the kind of best practices that Joe C. recommended, and in the meantime establish a "no contact" policy regardingthe current stalker.

I realize nobody here can help with any of these situations ....

You're incorrect. YOU can help.

 

[KjAthena]

1.Proformance.....it is due to people like you on these boards that I do not go into deeper details as to my "health issues" but they are a bit more serious than being run down and treatment is being received.

2.I have 2 dogs and had the one cat ...they are very much part of my family and just as important as most humans in my family...I do not hoard animals to keep each other away...but nobody will ever convince me they are anything but family members

3. The "new neighbors" are nasty to everyone on our street ...not acceptable "new friend" material. We are not running a business out of our home...we do have an office...however our zoning is mixed use and if we wished we could do so. They complain about the time we come home after shows...because the headlights shine in the windows at 3 am as we drive down the street ect. the other 8 neighbors have also had "run ins" with the same people and we now have devised a plan to stand untied against the "troublemakers" until they find another place to rent (we own our properties).

4. the trouble with the local pirate was an a anoyance...and is in the process of becoming a non-issue

5. stalker lady was served with a restraining order and promptly violated and is now in the county "nut hut" so for a while she is a non-issue for now

I realize I/We are the only ones that can help....but have no problems asking for suggestions from those that may see things from a diffrent angle

 

[possumdog]

That was a really strange post, Pro.

Oh--of little consequence but your cat info is way off the mark. I would refer you to the recent studies by Dr. Karen Overall, a Board Certified Veterinary Behavior Specialist who is not at all into anthropomorphizing animals but has studied both the physical and social needs of many species. You may have some revelations as to what cats feel or don't feel and why they lick (grooming and social bonding are two reasons).

As for the rest, it was all meant to dismiss or diminsh. There is no need to turn the loss of a pet into an opportunity to insult someone. Many of the DJs on the "other" board have posted when they have lost a pet and I don't recall anyone lecturing them on whether or not their feelings of loss were appropriate.

Just a really strange post.

 

[Kevinper]

I do believe, and have seen it all through my life, that 'what goes around, comes around.' It may not be in the timing we would prefer, but it really isn't our job for revenge either. All we need to know is that it WILL happen. We also have the opportunity to not read anyones posts that may incite us. I am going to take that opportunity right now.

 

[Diafel]

First off, Proformance, you are way out of line with your comments on Athena's health and her pets. That kind of drivel has no place here.
Athena I don't know what your health problems are, but I certainly do wish you all the best in recovering from them quickly and as painlessly as possible. (And THAT, Proformance is how one should CORRECTLY respond to such comments about health. We are, after all supposed to be here to SUPPORT one another, regardless of how we feel about a person's posts).
I happen to agree with Possumdog, having been a long time pet owner myself. Dogs and cats DO have personalities and DO form real bonds with their owners.
And to infer that Athena is somehow pushing people away and using her pets to do so (think the stereotypical "cat lady" here) is simply inane. You have ZERO basis to think this way, as the ONLY comment she made was that her cat was missing and later found dead and that she made a reference to "dogs" ie: more than one. But I, for one, certainly would not have just assumed a whole pack.
It certainly was a post that appeared to come from way out of left field. I also was a little taken aback by it, but really, I am more puzzled than anything about it.
What on earth possessed you, Proformance to say such things?

They complain about the time we come home after shows...because the headlights shine in the windows at 3 am as we drive down the street ect.

My daughter had the same trouble. She works for me hauling my gear due to my bad knee and lives in an apartment building. She was served an eviction notice because of noise disturbances at night. When I approached the landlord to find out what the problem was, it turned out that the neighbors didn't like her being dropped off by me at two in the morning. I was literally floored.
It ended up going to arbitration (a legally binding process for such disputes that happens here in BC) and we won, of course.
It certainly isn't unreasonable for my daughter get dropped off by me IN THE PARKING LOT (you know, that place where vehicle are SUPPOSED to be) at any time, especially after work.
I also posed this question during the arbitration hearing, just to show how stupid the landlord and tenants were being: "What if the vehicle in question was my daughter's and she was parking it after coming home from work. Would she be subject to an eviction notice then? If that is the case, then people all over BC are subject to eviction just for coming home from their jobs. Just what time is reasonable to come home from work? Should a person who works late, as my daughter does wait five or six hours to go home lest they disturb someone in the building? What about her? Perhaps while she's sleeping, say until 10:00 am, people should not be permitted to come or go lest the disturb HER sleep."
Of course the whole thing was dead in the water before the landlord even got started. It was a real joke. She's since moved from that nuthouse, but boy, oh boy! What a challenge it was with her living there!
I'll never understand how self-centered people like that think.

5. stalker lady was served with a restraining order and promptly violated and is now in the county "nut hut" so for a while she is a non-issue for now

Thank goodness! I'm glad you followed up in this way. The fact that she immediately broke the restraining order clearly underlines just how dangerous she really is.