Ewww old BF just posted that his kids are his world. Yeah, I love my kids to death but I am my own person and so are they. All we can do is nurture them, love them but to make them your world I think is sad. Because once they grow up and move away, if you don't like yourself or your wife/husband you are seriously ****ed.
Being under pressure sucks
- Thread starter Tazznum1
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ITA. I had a friend who was going through a divorce. She had been with her husband for 18 years. She met him when she was 18 divorced him at 36. I asked her why did you marry him? SHE COULDN'T GIVE ME AN ANSWER.
Why because she just stuck with him and was expected to marry him. She was the "rebound girl" because once the divorce was underway, her husband found his true love from the past and is with her once again. This is the second person I have experienced this with.
So he is not the one, move on.
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I vote for don't settle. I settled because i felt pretty much the things you are feeling and besides my 4 sweet little boys...I totally regret it. The little things that bug you now will become super magnified over time. There is just something to be said about having someone that still makes your stomach drop when they walk into a room. I had that once but his drug problem broke us up. It was just bigger than we were and I couldn't do it. Just my two cents. Good luck!
How come you don't look for guys that have the same goals as You?
They r out there.
They r out there.
When you hear that clock ticking, it can be deafening and drown everything else out. I have friends who heard the ticking, still hadn't found Mr Right and made the decision to have a child anyway. They were all mostly sane and financially secure. It can be wonderful or it can be selfish, depending on the situation.
One used a sperm bank to have the child of her dreams. She later married and had another with her dh. He adopted her first.
Another had an arrangement with a gay male friend to have a child. The friend is involved in the child's life, and is his dad.
Another went the adoption route, adopted an older child, and then adopted a second child. She had been married previously, but hadn't conceived and then her DH died an early death. She couldn't give up on having children in her life. She is now having some health problems, her widowed mom and 2 sisters are helping her and her two now teenage kids.
One used a sperm bank to have the child of her dreams. She later married and had another with her dh. He adopted her first.
Another had an arrangement with a gay male friend to have a child. The friend is involved in the child's life, and is his dad.
Another went the adoption route, adopted an older child, and then adopted a second child. She had been married previously, but hadn't conceived and then her DH died an early death. She couldn't give up on having children in her life. She is now having some health problems, her widowed mom and 2 sisters are helping her and her two now teenage kids.
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What does that ticking sound like?
Apparently you never heard it. :lol:
good luck finding them! and as you get older, it really gets harder to find someone without alot of baggage, which really sucks big time.
I'm 99% sure that I don't want children, but I'm terrified that I'll change my mind when that clock starts ticking.
are you open to the option of just living in for now ~ more likely he will have to move in with you. have you toyed with the idea?
relationships turn either for better or worse when 2 people live in one roof. so wouldn't that be an option for you so that if you're not compatible housemates, it is easier to just say game over.
regarding having kids, I understand your apprehension on ticking bio clocks BUT just keep in mind it would be a lot worse to pop out a kid whose dad turns out to be a whacko.
I'm not saying all trial living together will result in marriage (or divorce) for that matter but relationships are tested more under a "home setting".
does he snore? can you stand it? does he have smelly feet? does he throw his socks on the floor expecting you pick it up all the time? does he fart in bed? these are just some of the things we never know if we can tolerate UNTIL we live with a person. our tolerance level will also determine how much we're willing to stretch our tolerance or bend over to put up with them.
you still got time to think Tazz :bee:
relationships turn either for better or worse when 2 people live in one roof. so wouldn't that be an option for you so that if you're not compatible housemates, it is easier to just say game over.
regarding having kids, I understand your apprehension on ticking bio clocks BUT just keep in mind it would be a lot worse to pop out a kid whose dad turns out to be a whacko.
I'm not saying all trial living together will result in marriage (or divorce) for that matter but relationships are tested more under a "home setting".
does he snore? can you stand it? does he have smelly feet? does he throw his socks on the floor expecting you pick it up all the time? does he fart in bed? these are just some of the things we never know if we can tolerate UNTIL we live with a person. our tolerance level will also determine how much we're willing to stretch our tolerance or bend over to put up with them.
you still got time to think Tazz :bee:
that is so true.
it is hard to find either a man or woman w/o "baggages" in their 30s or older. when a guy hasn't been married at 30, makes you think, is he gay? HOWEVER, baggages shouldn't deter one from pursuing a relationship with tons of baggages. let's say one who has been divorced 4x, sounds bad eh? but you have to find out why did he get divorced that many times? dealing with one's kids also is a big factor especially if a guy's income all goes to child support.
will you fall for a guy paying thousands of $$ in child support to different women, because you love him? is love enough to sustain such relationship?
NoHio, you're only a baby. I HATED children when I was your age, couldn't see having them, would probably have made DCFS mother of the year! Had my first at 37, figured if it didn't work out I at least had a down payment on a house (kidding - I already owned my house).
Tazz, Most people go through life looking for the perfect person, the half that will complete them. Let's face it, you're not perfect, I'm not perfect, if there is a perfect person out there, why the hell would he be looking for me? Ken would be looking for a Barbie, not a Beula.
If there is no spark, not even a desire to jump his bones, it's not going to work at all and you'll start to blame him for the failure of the relationship. Staying together for the kids isn't a pretty thing to do: therapy is costly. If you really, really want a child you can figure out a way on your own (I did). Work part time, work from home, take in a female roommate, sell from your stockpile! If marriage is in your future, it doesn't have to be before a child (or children), it can be after. end of sermon...
Tazz, Most people go through life looking for the perfect person, the half that will complete them. Let's face it, you're not perfect, I'm not perfect, if there is a perfect person out there, why the hell would he be looking for me? Ken would be looking for a Barbie, not a Beula.
If there is no spark, not even a desire to jump his bones, it's not going to work at all and you'll start to blame him for the failure of the relationship. Staying together for the kids isn't a pretty thing to do: therapy is costly. If you really, really want a child you can figure out a way on your own (I did). Work part time, work from home, take in a female roommate, sell from your stockpile! If marriage is in your future, it doesn't have to be before a child (or children), it can be after. end of sermon...
:faint:
My baby is 8 and I'm now 36 (almost 37). I feel way too **** old to have a baby. Kuddos babe!
How long have you known him? I'd date a year before even considering anything. Seems fast and that's not usually good.
Sometimes. I had a ring on my finger at 7 months of dating. Been married 14 years in October.
