Bleh, I don't know how censored this forum is, so if anything needs to go, edit at your will. Shrug.
Well, I've been battling self-harm for five years. It started off as "scraping" my arms with the metal part of a pencil. Yknow, the part that holds the eraser. I chewed the end to a point and scraped it across my arms. My friend got me into that because it was a high for her. I eventually moved to burning myself by heating up the end of a knife and pressing it against my hands or heating up a lighter. I kept doing that and picked up on making a point with the end of the lead on a mechanical pencil and using it to scratch up my skin. I would beat myself with a drumstick or my hands. Soon enough I took a blade from a pencil sharpener and cut open my skin. That was a lot more effective. I sought therapy but, they told my mum, so I made it seem like I recovered from cutting. My mum and I have a poor relationship, and long story short, I very much dislike her. I don't trust her at all. Anywho, I would "tear" up my legs with the blade, leaving many slashes and a lot of blood. I have a deep scar on my upper leg from cutting a bit too deep. I never had to seek medical attention. My counselor figured she helped me stop cutting and everything was peachy keen. Wrong. I cut daily, now, and sometimes even more than that. It is the only release I can find. Coping skills haven't worked. I freak out if I can't cut. Hardly any of my friends care, and people think I am seeking attention, now. My mum knows, she doesn't care. I guess why I am writing this is because my friend Matt saw my healing cuts on my arm and told me to stop cutting, then proceeded to hit me in the back of the head with a flashlight. Mind you, they are the ones we use at work, traffic director ones. He doesn't care that I cut. I told him it was nothing new, and he just said "k". Too many people know. I don't know what to do. I need help. I need actual suppport. I'm eighteen. I'm so lost and scared and alone...
Well, I've been battling self-harm for five years. It started off as "scraping" my arms with the metal part of a pencil. Yknow, the part that holds the eraser. I chewed the end to a point and scraped it across my arms. My friend got me into that because it was a high for her. I eventually moved to burning myself by heating up the end of a knife and pressing it against my hands or heating up a lighter. I kept doing that and picked up on making a point with the end of the lead on a mechanical pencil and using it to scratch up my skin. I would beat myself with a drumstick or my hands. Soon enough I took a blade from a pencil sharpener and cut open my skin. That was a lot more effective. I sought therapy but, they told my mum, so I made it seem like I recovered from cutting. My mum and I have a poor relationship, and long story short, I very much dislike her. I don't trust her at all. Anywho, I would "tear" up my legs with the blade, leaving many slashes and a lot of blood. I have a deep scar on my upper leg from cutting a bit too deep. I never had to seek medical attention. My counselor figured she helped me stop cutting and everything was peachy keen. Wrong. I cut daily, now, and sometimes even more than that. It is the only release I can find. Coping skills haven't worked. I freak out if I can't cut. Hardly any of my friends care, and people think I am seeking attention, now. My mum knows, she doesn't care. I guess why I am writing this is because my friend Matt saw my healing cuts on my arm and told me to stop cutting, then proceeded to hit me in the back of the head with a flashlight. Mind you, they are the ones we use at work, traffic director ones. He doesn't care that I cut. I told him it was nothing new, and he just said "k". Too many people know. I don't know what to do. I need help. I need actual suppport. I'm eighteen. I'm so lost and scared and alone...
